Teresa & Joe Giudice Are Going To Jail

When we last left Teresa Giudice and her half-pug-person husband Joe, they were beating the shit out of photographers while on their way to court to fight 39 counts of bank fraud and tax evasion. A fight that apparently didn’t go very well because this morning they pleaded guilty to enough charges that they’ll both be in jail for the next few years. NJ.com reports:

Both Teresa and Joe Guidice, who stood throughout the hearing, softly said, “Yes, your honor,” to U.S. District Judge Esther Salas when asked if they admitted their guilt to the charges. They both appeared composed.
The Montville couple will be sentenced at a later date.
Under their plea agreement, and per sentencing guidelines for those charges, Teresa Giudice would spend less than two years in prison, while Joe Giudice would spend a minimum of three years behind bars, The Record reported.
The Record reported last week that the couple has agreed to plead guilty to the charges under a deal that would send them both to prison.

As for who will care for their young daughters, a local pack of wolves has volunteered which everyone agreed was for the best even though one of them clearly had rabies and the other kept gnawing on a dead baby. “Pay no attention to Snackchild,” Gray Ear, the leader, said to the courtroom. “His hunger for the meat of children may be strong, perhaps even all-consuming, but underneath it beats the kind heart of a soul who will teach these girls that true happiness lies not in material wealth, but in the richness of a family. Or in our case, a pack, and not in the sense your most powerful Jew-hater would use the term. Man meat is man meat, regardless of skin color or creed, and that’s how we operate. There’ll be none of that.”

Photos: Getty