Teresa & Joe Giudice Are Going To Jail

March 4th, 2014 // 33 Comments
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When we last left Teresa Giudice and her half-pug-person husband Joe, they were beating the shit out of photographers while on their way to court to fight 39 counts of bank fraud and tax evasion. A fight that apparently didn’t go very well because this morning they pleaded guilty to enough charges that they’ll both be in jail for the next few years. NJ.com reports:

Both Teresa and Joe Guidice, who stood throughout the hearing, softly said, “Yes, your honor,” to U.S. District Judge Esther Salas when asked if they admitted their guilt to the charges. They both appeared composed.
The Montville couple will be sentenced at a later date.
Under their plea agreement, and per sentencing guidelines for those charges, Teresa Giudice would spend less than two years in prison, while Joe Giudice would spend a minimum of three years behind bars, The Record reported.
The Record reported last week that the couple has agreed to plead guilty to the charges under a deal that would send them both to prison.

As for who will care for their young daughters, a local pack of wolves has volunteered which everyone agreed was for the best even though one of them clearly had rabies and the other kept gnawing on a dead baby. “Pay no attention to Snackchild,” Gray Ear, the leader, said to the courtroom. “His hunger for the meat of children may be strong, perhaps even all-consuming, but underneath it beats the kind heart of a soul who will teach these girls that true happiness lies not in material wealth, but in the richness of a family. Or in our case, a pack, and not in the sense your most powerful Jew-hater would use the term. Man meat is man meat, regardless of skin color or creed, and that’s how we operate. There’ll be none of that.”

Photos: Getty

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  1. Teresa Joe Giudice Court
    MVNYC
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone explain how her hair is legitimately floating above her head.

  2. I guess they weren’t famous enough to avoid jail. Should’ve got Lindsay Lohan’s people on your case.

  3. So spray tan and plastic tits can’t be claimed as a business expense, even if you are on a reality tv show.

    • mark

      yeah, but while that strange-coloured tan and her fake boobs are obvious even at a quick glance, neither are as outright hilariously weird-looking as this lady’s hairline!! her eyebrows are nearly shaking hands with her headhair! it’s so weird looking!! women with these incredibly bizarre looking 2-heads must have pubic groves that extend all the way upwards to under their nipples and all the way down to their knees!! fucking repugnant! the thick black hairs in her ass crack probably collect and accumulate her manure as it passes by, (she’s Italian so she must crap at least 7 or 8 times a day). “oh ey! ey oh! I got ‘notha brown brizzote ’bout ta blow out dis shtink oven ova hey!”

  4. BWAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….. that guido is getting deported and his nasty wife is gonna be in the pokey with the lesbos. JUSTICE.

  5. Does *Lock Up* on MSNBC pay as much as *Real HouseSluts of New Jersey*?

  6. What do these people think is going to happen if they don’t pay their taxes? Do they think the IRS will believe them if they go “Whoops forgot all about that.”

  7. Teresa Joe Giudice Court
    Commented on this photo:

    Sweet Jesus, when your smaller than your 5’2 wife I assume you have “power/self esteem issues.” Oh who the fuck are they? Should I stereotype Italian Americans in stating “Mafia”?

  8. I honestly have no idea who these people are. If I took a wild stab and guessed one or both of them are on some shitty reality TV show, would I be close?

  9. Juano

    Theresa Guidice’s press agent announces her new spin off from Real Housewives of New Jersey: Theresa is proud to be the lead cast member in “Real Housewives of FCI Fairton.”

  10. Teresa Joe Giudice Court
    Commented on this photo:

    During their absence from “Real Housewives of New Jersey” Joe and Teresa Giudice will be replaced by Kevin James and Drake.

  11. Teresa Joe Giudice Court
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Why do they look like they’re content from the attention they’re getting, despite the fact they are going to jail?

  12. Bane

    B.S. She’ll be in segregated lockup, still have her nails done and walk out of that prison with a fucking tan.

  13. I’ve always been freaked out by her face. It’s her eye area that is just completely freaky to me, but I can’t exactly pinpoint what it is. It isn’t that her eyes are set wide apart from each other, there’s more…

    • mark

      yup. her eyes are hilariously wide apart. like an alien. what’s more is that her hairline begins in the middle of her forehead. like an ape. though apes probably don’t smell as bad as she does.

  14. Ha ha, these assclowns are going to jail, perfect.

  15. anonym

    Teresa and Joe Guido

    can’t get more guido than that.

  16. End of this post is sheer brilliance, ohmyfuck ***humpsFishleg***

  17. right

    These slugs got off light. Should have received 5 years each.

  18. Teresa Joe Giudice Court
    Commented on this photo:

    I was wondering why she was smiling in this pic, then I noticed the news crew on the left. What a cunt

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