Teen Mom Jenelle Got Married

December 5th, 2012 // 28 Comments
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Teen Mom star Jenelle Evans got married in a “shotgun” courthouse wedding yesterday, and no, not to the dude she got engaged to a few months ago after he beat the shit out of her, but a different dude who already tattooed her name across his chest because everyone involved here makes incredible life decisions. It’s like a children’s fairy tale but with more meth and illiteracy. Radar Online reports:

The 20-year-old’s sister, Ashleigh Evans Wilson, was the bearer of the happy news, telling Radar, “My sister got married this morning, it was a shotgun courthouse wedding.
“My mother was totally shocked and had to hear it from someone else. Our whole family is shocked because they have not been dating very long. I’m sure she did this to distract from all the drug accusations that have been flying around and of course she thinks it will help her get custody of Jace back from mom if she is married.
“I got married two weeks before my 21st birthday and now she has gone and done the exact same thing. Very strange coincidence!
“At this point, after all that she has been through, she should know better than this,” Ashleigh, who has a very tumultuous relationship with her younger sis, opined.

Honestly, after Jenelle’s mind-rapingly retarded rant/death knell of civilization aired last week, this is actually pretty tame and one of the least stupid things she could’ve done to follow that up. I just assumed she’d spend her days beating her toddler son with a stick because she thinks he’s a pinata full of Ke$ha tickets. “I know he might get brain damage, but y’all don’t understand, I put feathers in my hair.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet


  1. USDA Prime McBeef

    Since when can you bring a shotgun to the courthouse? Liars.

  2. lawn

    I’d like to be the first to extend congratulations to the young couple, and to wish them many years of love and happiness.

  3. Moo Cow Hunter

    Now, now everyone. Let’s not judge too hastily. She didn’t go back to the guy who beat the shit out of her. That already places her one step above Rihanna.

  4. Joe Blow

    Wait…. you got the milk for free and you decided to go ahead and buy the cow? Duuuuuuuude.

  5. Randal

    Make that pink pop, sistah babe! Just think, if you work hard enough you may just get that double-wide of your dreams! Only in America!

  6. karlito

    ah, to be young and stupid.

  7. Natty Ice

    “Now where did I leave the kid? Damn they never stay where you tell them to! Oh yeah and I am so sure now everyone’s gonna’ blame me and say I am the irresponsible one.”

  8. White trash at it’s finest.

  9. Jenelle Evans Married
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s probably the best decision she’s ever made — now they can’t be compelled to testify against each other in court, and isn’t that what true love is really all about?

  10. Jenelle Evans Married
    Commented on this photo:

    “Been 10 minutes since ah had weed, gotta git to the car, been 10 minutes since ah had weed, gotta git to the car…”

  11. joe

    If not for the kids, watching her descent into drugs and porn might be fun. As it is, it’s just fucking sad.

  12. If her parents were shocked, then someone doesn’t know what the meaning of “shotgun wedding” is.

  13. EricLr

    I wish fans could see, just once, what their trashy lives would look like *without* the $100,000+ a season they get paid by MTV. Since MTV is so careful about making sure they never acknowledge the money on air, right now, dumbass girls around the country think that it’s perfectly typical for a knocked-up teenager with no apparent job to be tooling around town in a brand new car, buying new houses, and supporting kids with no income.

  14. Reece

    My immediate and honestly confused reaction to this headline was “To what?!?”

  15. I spot the mom, but fuck if I see the “teen” everyone keeps mentioning…

  16. mrsmass

    well, at least she didn’t marry Keefah.

  17. Enidaj

    Nice YOLO tat.

  18. Jenelle Evans Married
    Commented on this photo:

    Good for the chick. I just hopes that she doesn’t have anymore kids. She is an horrible mother .And she is very selfish ,she has her mother take care of her kid while she smoke and party and do whatever she wants and stay gone for weeks at a time without even checking on her child. Hopefully she will change . Its time for her to grow up .

  19. Pepper's Pot

    white trash is trashy.

  20. Jenelle Evans Married
    Commented on this photo:

    Look who’s been on a sour cream and cheese IV.

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