Gary Shirley’s 11-Hour Stripper Bender

August 12th, 2011 // 87 Comments

Teen Mom Amber Portwood attempted suicide earlier this summer after she thought baby daddy Gary Shirley was going to curl up his butt-tail and stop smothering her to death with his sex. She’s since checked herself into rehab leaving Gary completely to his own devices and responsible for their young daughter, so naturally, he went on a $5,000 11-hour stripper bender to get his head right. Except here’s the genius of it: Because they’ll do anything for money – Strangely not laundry though, I’ve tried. – he got the strippers to take pictures with him then turned around and sold them to TMZ. Which means, at minimum, Gary made his money back, or God forbid, profited from having tits in his face for 11 hours, so congratulations, you now live in a world where white trash with a vestigial penis who doesn’t know how condoms work is more baller than all of us.

Got any of those pills left, Amber? I’ll take 30.

Photos: Courtesy of


  1. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    @Dr Ha-Ha “Worth his salt”!?!? LMFAOWTF, did you just scurvy walk off a pirate ship or a whaling vessel? Lame!

  2. Brandon

    As far as I know, Indiana is “no touch.” But I’ve never heard of a law stating that. And I think I saw him last night, at the gas station across from work, after I got off.

  3. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    It would have been the polite thing to do for TMZ to have blurred out all of their down-syndrome-esque faces.

  4. Carrie_that_posts_here_is_a_slut

    Ok, Gary is just repulsive. Those poor girls must have earned their money that night!

  5. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, these chicks are BUSTED. I mean, so is Fatty McFats here, but I’m led to believe that these girls make their living for dancing nude. I could find more talent at a bus stop.
    Remind me about why anyone cares about Fats Sweaty Big Mac, because he knocked up a girl that looks like one of those busted strippers? Haha, maybe those Muslims are right about us after all!

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