Gary Shirley’s 11-Hour Stripper Bender

August 12th, 2011 // 87 Comments

Teen Mom Amber Portwood attempted suicide earlier this summer after she thought baby daddy Gary Shirley was going to curl up his butt-tail and stop smothering her to death with his sex. She’s since checked herself into rehab leaving Gary completely to his own devices and responsible for their young daughter, so naturally, he went on a $5,000 11-hour stripper bender to get his head right. Except here’s the genius of it: Because they’ll do anything for money – Strangely not laundry though, I’ve tried. – he got the strippers to take pictures with him then turned around and sold them to TMZ. Which means, at minimum, Gary made his money back, or God forbid, profited from having tits in his face for 11 hours, so congratulations, you now live in a world where white trash with a vestigial penis who doesn’t know how condoms work is more baller than all of us.

Got any of those pills left, Amber? I’ll take 30.

Photos: Courtesy of


  1. just here for laughs

    Clearly white trash brains work differently than normal folks’ brains.

  2. Dude of Dudes

    Gary Shirley. FTW!

  3. Dr Ha-Ha

    Any man worth his salt would have each of those hands planted on a butt cheek.

  4. Jack Ketch

    Yikes, lower than the gutter, lower than even the Kardashian Klan … there are no words for this, except to say I agree with the above comment.

  5. Kevin

    Fat loser.

  6. steve

    The second picture is sexy until you learn that the stripper in the blue thong was ripping a paint-peeler at the time.

  7. Michael (The Man)

    Is this another “1 dolla to find ya penis” post?

  8. LJ

    Who’s stupid enough to spend five grand on two 40 year old strippers?

    Oh, yeah.

  9. Donald Trump

    This white trash paid $5,000 for strippers (who also look like white trash) and still couldn’t get laid. Poor thing.

    • Miss Thalia Amour

      What are you talking about? This douche is famous for knocking some chick up. He just takes whatever taco he can get, doesn’t matter if it’s a little old, soggy, has mould growing on the lettuce and has a $5000 price tag. At least he gets a complimentary STI.

  10. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t stand that people like this are rewarded in this country. Why aren’t we hunting morons like this for sport?

  11. Deacon Jones

    The best part about this story is that is was from 1 AM to 12 PM.

    I can guarantee you he was either on blow or meth. No one, not even a perv like me, can spend that long a time in a club without assistance.

  12. Jimmy

    Are they in the toilet?

  13. Donald Trump

    I wish Amber would chop off his micro-penis and then throw herself in front of a speeding train.

  14. Judging by the walls and looks of the place, it looks like a very classy establishment.

  15. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    What he said^^^^^^

  16. cc

    Well, even if we assume that all these girls do is dance, we can still be assured that they have no gag reflex. Imagine having to spend that much time in close proximity to that degenerate sack of shit?

  17. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh man, I think we should do as Jizzy said. Imagine having that mug mounted above some bar in the dirty southern states. He’s considered the size of a bear and he is a very stupid creature, wonder what he’d rank on the trophy scale!

  18. Clueless

    I’m sure he only got a few bucks for this ($50 – $300), but if not, if he did, as Fish put it, make his money back, or God forbid, profit, you have to admit that is genius. And kinda meta.

    Guy who gets famous only because MTV wants to put idiots on TV for other idiots to watch realize he doesn’t even have to be on TV to profit from that and can just take pictures and cut out the middle man. He’s dealing uncut idiot to the idiots wholesale.

  19. the chief

    they only like him when he pays lavishly in advance!!

  20. Facebook Me

    Next these chicks who look like their paper route was in Iraq will be shopping for a reality TV show.

  21. This fat fuck is a genius. Now, where did I leave my suicide piece…?

  22. zomgbie

    its bad enough the guy is totally taking advantage of exotic dancers that are blind.
    but exotic dancers that are blind AND unable to smell?

  23. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the hell is this guy again, and why is he or teen mom even important.

  24. You see a guy posing with strippers…I see a picture of a fat guy being shoved out of a women’s bathroom. It’s all a matter of what you EXPECT to see.

  25. Gary Shirley Strippers
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    Stripper, hell! That’s Lohan!

  26. kimmykimkim

    I still think Amber is more repugnant.

    • Carrie

      I gag when I think of the two of them actually fornicating to conceive a child. Like two retarded beluga whales drunk on Busch Light.

  27. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    You’d think he’d look happier.

  28. General Disarray

    IDIOCRACY, rent it! Mike Judge is a fucking prophet.

  29. $5,000 for strippers…..and ugly ones at that? Pardon my ignorance, but what the fuck is the point in spending that much on strippers, when you can spend 1/2 that on escorts and are guaranteed to get laid?

    • Carrie

      Right? I have friends that go to the strip club, spend $30, and get blown in the “champagne room”.

      • Exactly. I went to a crazy party once, where the host hired 2 escorts to put on a lesbian sex show for the guests. They were beautiful girls and they still only charged $500 each. Maybe it’s cause I’m in Canada, where escorts are legal and they ‘do more for less’. I’ve also been to stripclubs in Toronto, and the girls were way more gorgeous than these brokedown, gutter rats. But then again, I’m not sure why I’m even questioning the rationale of someone, whom I only know of because he didn’t pull out in time.

      • LJ

        I hope you realise your “friends’ are full of s**t.

      • Carrie

        LJ, I never said the quality of the strippers. Some of the BYOB clubs in Missouri are full of chicks that will do anything for a buck. Head to Crazy Horse in Springfield, MO, one night at 2am and you’ll see what I mean.

      • Carrie

        @bianca, Canadian strippers are crazy hot. Went to a club in Winnipeg where a girl had a funnel in her hoo-ha and you got to try and throw in loonies and toonies (which I think would hurt). She was smoking hot.

      • I think Montréal has the best looking women, come to think of it. I could never understand why these girls were so pretty, but charged so little. They needed to go the States and charge $1000 just to walk in the door, if they’re gonna decide to sell their bodies.

        I went to Ukraine, Hungary and Russia and the women there are STUNNING. They look like VS models, but will only charge €500 for the whole night. It amazes me how men will pay so much for the ugliest of the uglies in the States, just to (not) get laid.

        Anyhoo, that’s enough stripper talk for me, I’m starting to sounds like a hussy.

      • Carrie

        Nothing wrong with hussies. Hottest stripper I’ve ever seen was in Prague. Super sexy.

      • Venom

        You can’t get in the champagne room of any club for $30, that is BS.
        You have to buy a minimum of $100 to $150 of dances and alcohol to even get in there.
        And no stripper is going to blow you for $30, especially in the club because everyone from the bouncer to the manager gets a cut if they do that there.

  30. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess he really is into fat chicks …

  31. naano

    considering amber rapes him in the butt for the most minor shit, she must be about to rage into oblivion upon seeing these pics.

  32. Krissy

    That poor kid. Once she’s old enough to watch the show and understand what’s going on in addition to seeing this kind of shit, she’ll be asking to borrow mommy’s pills.

  33. ness

    Where did he get money to do that last time I checked he had a daughter guess she won’t be going to college.

    He is truly trash!

  34. See Alice

    What is a TMZ ?

  35. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    These whores probably treated Gary with more respect in 11 hours than Ambah ever has as a whole. I hate Ambah and I think this is awesome!

  36. GaGaGa

    The guy is brilliant..i must admit…sold his own crap back. p.s. loved the stripper’s will do anything except laundry comment!

  37. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    Normally it’s the client afraid of a dirty stripper.

  38. me

    wow….. I always thought strippers were confident, sexual beings…. Knowing they would have sex, let alone touch a guy like this speaks VOLUMES.

  39. mrsmass

    he’s just showing his daughter what her future will look like, assuming she won’t be a fat fuck like her two parents. which she will.

  40. Blumper Bob

    What do women shout when having sex with Gary Shirley?

    “You’re so big! You’re so big!”

  41. Rabbit

    Why is this fucking news?

  42. Id like to lick those asses all night

  43. bahlder

    “Check it out I’m so cool, I can pay girls to pose with me.”

  44. dontkillthemessenger

    Shockingly, he’s even dumber than he looks.

  45. 531-Justin Canada

    That dude such a big white trash freak.

  46. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    This was definitely his peak. Enjoy it, fattie.

  47. Venom

    This fat ugly obese fuck really thinks he is some fucking Don Juan, doesn’t he?

    • gumption

      I was thinking the same thing, he is telling all of us that with the look on his face. What I want to know is did he really sell the pics to TMZ and for how much? I need a story of redemption here.

  48. Gary Shirley Strippers
    Commented on this photo:

    One of these strippers is so ugly that Photo Boy and Fish blotted out it’s face. Since the other is plug-ugly, I give them thanks.

  49. tj

    get him for that CHILDSUPPORT

  50. mLm

    He looks so dumb and fat in all of these pics.

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