Teen Mom Farrah Made A Sex Tape. Of Course.

April 8th, 2013 // 22 Comments
And Here We Go
Farrah Abraham walks along the shoreline in a sparkling halter top style bikini
The Sex Tape's A Porno Read More »

UPDATE: It’s porn. She made actual porn.

Fresh off the heels of getting a DUI and pouring hot wax on a toddler’s face, Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham made a sex tape that’s currently being shopped around because we now live in a world where being Kim Kardashian is considered a career goal. Hey, Rick Warren’s son, wait up! TMZ reports:

According to sources who have seen the tape, Farrah and a male partner (possibly her ex-boyfriend) go at it for about 30 minutes … full-on sex … in various positions. We’re told it was recently shot.
Our sources say the person selling the tape has already shown it to some of the biggest XXX companies and is looking to make a deal.

Just so it’s clear Farrah’s selling the tape herself, here she is doing an ass horrible job pretending she’ll sue. Also, prepared to be shocked when she literally doesn’t know what the word “elaborate” means even though these Teen Moms are usually so smart it’s a miracle they haven’t cured cancer yet:

And for fun, below is Farrah calling into TMZ Live after her DUI arrest and trying to explain that she wasn’t driving drunk but was just simply operating a moving a vehicle down the street to park it because that, totally, doesn’t count as driving, you guys, and she doesn’t even drink except when like friends hand her stuff, duh:

Full Disclosure: I only made it to the 1:40 mark before praying to whatever god will listen that her sex tape is a snuff film.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. MD2020

    Well, if it was made recently, then at least she had the foresight to wait until after the boob job to make the tape.

    And for these girls, that’s pretty advanced thinking.

  2. Thanks for the reminder, Teen Moms. I forgot to weep for the future this morning. Off I go.

  3. JC

    “My hands were behind my back, and since there’s nothing important inside my head, I banged it on the window to get the officer’s attention.”

  4. Jesus. She had to literally sound out the syllables in “elaborate” to make sense of it.

  5. Of them all, Farrah is the best Teen Mom candidate for a sex tape anyway..imo

  6. She is a dull as dishwater, shit for brains, plastic whore, trying to use a sex tape to catapult her to Paris Hilton/Kim Kasrdashian levels of fame and money and sadly it just may work.

    Part of me is happy that the Kardashians may finally be relegated to obscurity where they belong, the other part shudders that we may be subjected to Farrah for years to come on a daily basis. Bet all the other Teen Moms are going, why didn’t I release a sex tape.

  7. Joe Blow

    A publicity whore says what?

  8. I prayed for a sex tape of Margaret Thatcher but now thats not gonna happen.

  9. The comment on Warren’s son was pretty harsh.

    Funny as all hell, and I laughed out loud, but harsh.

    This is why I crush on you. :D

  10. Well, I’ll add this one to my collection as well. I’m in the middle of watching the Shauna Sand sex tape so I might as well watch this one too.

  11. This should work out at least as well for her as Montana Fishburn, Chyna, Tila Tequila, Dustin Diamond, Amy Fischer, and all those other people whose sex tapes didn’t turn into multi-million dollar careers, just shame and self-loathing.

  12. grobpilot

    Kid looks like a Neanderthal (or Aborigine).

    • Anne Athema

      Kid looks like the missing link. Thought I was the only one thinking how hideous she (she? he? it?) is.

  13. “I don’t exist anything about that.” So *that’s* how you use “exist” in a sentence. No wonder I did so shitty on the SAT.

  14. Kisses4Katie

    What does a library have to do with anything? So confused!!!!

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