Teen Mom Amber Can’t Live Without This

June 16th, 2011 // 69 Comments

Teen Mom star Amber Portwood reportedly attempted suicide Tuesday morning, and now details are coming in that she did it because she thought Gary Shirley was cheating. The same Gary Shirley pictured above with a butt tail and pulling McDonald’s out of his car, so basically everything a woman dreams for. Plus butt tail. RadarOnline reports:

“Gary thought he lost his iPhone last week but he’d actually left it at Amber’s house,” a source close to the situation told us.
“Amber managed to crack his password and went through his phone. She found a bunch of messages from other girls and even pictures that girls had sent him!”
… But an apology wouldn’t cut it for Amber when it came to what she found on his cell phone.
“Amber went ballistic and confronted Gary about it,” the source said.
“Then she smashed his iPhone to pieces so he still had to end up getting a new phone!”
Amber’s recent suicide attempt comes on the heels of this showdown between lovers — with some reports citing cheating as the reason for her actions.

SHRINK: So, Amber, tell me why you thought suicide was the answer?
AMBER: I thought Gary was going to leave me for another woman.
SHRINK: I mean tell me something bad you thought was going to happen.
AMBER: Gary leaving me.
SHRINK: *presses intercom* Can you cancel my 2:15? This one doesn’t speak English.

Photo: Fame, Flynet


  1. cc

    Mr Superficial Writer,

    I’ve sued for less.


  2. FOOBAH!

    Jesus, it looks like a Snickers bar with hair…

  3. Obvious Troll

    Is that a vagina?

  4. Reg Dunlop

    Thanks. Now off to Staples to get a new keyboard after puking on it.

  5. grobpilot

    Motherfucker, learn how to wipe your ass!

  6. Cock Dr

    Blogger just can’t resist the chance to reuse these CLASSIC images.

  7. Catani

    Gollum…..Is that you?

  8. Aw man- he still had to get a new phone? I was hoping he didn’t. This is terrible news!

  9. chewbacca

    “Crack his password”. What was it? McNugget?

  10. This is what Khloe’s cleavage looks like without the daily ladyscaping.

  11. furry furrow

    Why do I get the feeling his password was “tonsoffun”?

  12. Steelerchick

    Thanks for the picture of THAT!!! I’ve just lost my appetite for like…… forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. he has multiple chicks jocking him?? what empty-headed hos, think he’ll make them a star? yeah keep shootin for the roadies..

  14. There must be gold in them there hills.

  15. Abby Normal

    Wanna know why fat guys always expose their crack? Their pants are trying to get away.

  16. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    What you have to ask yourself is, Is this the face of a woman who couldn’t do any better? The answer, clearly, is yes – yes it is.

  17. Rancid

    Something tells me that when this guy goes to a pig farm, the pigs turn their butts away and back off.

  18. puddleduck

    I’d have take a bottle of pills too, if I had let this impregnate me.

  19. Colin

    She was gonna commit suicide because she might never see THAT again? I almost just committed suicide so I WOULDN’T have to see this ever again.

  20. why would you do this to us?

    I just…fuck, I mean YOU are…uh jeeze, this guy is so, or just..sarlaac pit… dammit, I just feel nauseous now and have nothing to say.

  21. Gary B

    Every girl in my HS that got knocked up, all got it by some DBAG just like this. Not only that when he first had sex with her, He was most likely if not always tapping some other ass on the side already.

  22. Turd Ferguson

    I bet he could fix the sink.

  23. Racer X

    Git ‘er done!

    /white trash

  24. JC

    Shirley knows that he can choke a bitch for looking at his phone, right?

  25. Bthatch

    Seriously who cares? The show is retarded enough (cause kids who get preggo in their teens need a show??) but to continue to report about this only gives it publicity and ensures that the show will continue. Stop reporting about these fucking losers please.

    • hello

      Viacom is getting their $ worth

    • bitingontinfoil

      EXACTLY! It’s called supply and demand – to think girls are going out and getting pregnant just to be on this show is sickening! I’ve never watched an episode, never will. It’s right up there with the Tiaras and Tantrums bullshit!! Exploiting kids for profit…nasty shit!

    • Lucille

      Why are you reading this if you don’t care? And you’re calling her stupid.

  26. Rough, a love story

    Boy i wish my dad would’ve mate with a bison. Now id have chicks trying to commit suicide over me. Thanx dad!

  27. SexyBrains

    I think I see the scar from his tail-removal surgery.

  28. The Critical Crassness

    That picture deserves a “Surgeon General’s Warning: The contents of this photo may cause blindness and extreme nausea, if viewed without proper eye protection such as a blindfold.”

  29. AleisterCrowley

    Unfortunately, at one time I worked in the men’s section of a department store. Fat asses like him would want help finding pants. I would go to the enormous sizes and they would inevitably reach for jeans with a 32 waist. They think their waist is under the gigantic gut. This is usually the explanation for their ass crack being exposed when they bend over. Also, how fucking desperate are you to fuck Gary?

  30. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    0 0

  31. nessa

    Why the fuck does she want this fat fucking lard ass….she must have really low self worth to be with him!!!!!

    Eww we don’t need to see his dirty crack

  32. I think with a little bit of styling gel, perhaps a slight trim of the tips – maybe half an inch off – so that the hair doesn’t get as tangly, he could look quite presentable, perhaps even a bit comely.

  33. Vivian

    The ladies here are nice to you Fish, remeber the banner girl contest? is this how you repay your female audience? there’s hardly ever a post of a male buttocks but this?? THIS???

    You better make it up to us soon or your dick will start to shrivel up and die…

  34. Venom

    What kind of desperate ass chick would want to get with this guy?

    • Richard McBeef

      have you seen the chick? she isn’t much of a looker herself.

    • bitingontinfoil

      Um…a white trailer trash bitch addicted to every pill u could possibly imagine. See my post further down. Talk about a “cycle of despair”

  35. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    u sure that’s not her ass?…yak, she’s disgusting

  36. lol jen sux

    Amber, if you read this. I was like you too and the guy wasn’t worth it. I was addicted to love. Leave and love yourself. It is so painful for months, even a year, but in the end you win, it gets better.

    • bitingontinfoil

      She’s not addicted to love, she’s addicted to Oxy and various other pills – give yr head a shake – NEITHER of these attention-whores deserve their kids and MTV should be fucking BANNED for promoting this crap!

      • AleisterCrowley

        That’s one ugly bitch but to fuck Gary you’ve got to be fucked up. I don’t think a person could take it sober. I do feel horrible for the baby. She needs to go to a good home with descent people.

  37. who me?


  38. 539

    God damn! Women’s asses next time.

    Except Ke$ha’s because it’s negative ass.


  39. Cam

    If she really wanted to kill herself she should of just jumped into that crevice. The body wouldn’t of been found for days.

  40. bitingontinfoil

    “Gary thought he lost his cellphone until he found it wedged firmly between his asscheeks” MY GOD! I mean SERIOUSLY!! Imagine tossing THIS salad? BRRRRRRRRRRRR

  41. bitingontinfoil

    Seriously, it’s all fun & games to poke fun of these two dirtbags but really, what about the kids? Where are they? Who’s caring for them? FUCK MTV for promoting this type of ass-douchery~!

  42. Dick Douche, Private Eye


    google it

  43. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    You win, Fish! I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Just make it stop. *sobs*

  44. bob

    nice jeans, cunt

  45. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    Where is that god damned Cheeto?

  46. Jovy


    No amount of weed, alcohol, pills, or a combination of the three could ever, EVER get me to fuck a beast like that. I mean holy shit I was eating for fucks sake :(. What the hell man, I can’t even fathom why anyone, let alone Ms.Ambergris, would voluntarily have sex with this..

  47. Prof. J

    Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch, is an ape-like cryptid that purportedly inhabits forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest region of North America. Bigfoot is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid…

  48. Kamrynne

    Great!! Now I have to go wash my eyes out w/ bleach ….

  49. NightmareCentral

    These are the parents of my generation. /wrist

  50. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Donald Trump
    Commented on this photo:

    Every time I see this bimbos face I feel an uncontrollable urge to beat her to a bloody pulp.

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