‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Charged With Two Felonies

Seen here outside an Indiana Walmart (Stereotypes win again!), Teen Mom star Amber Portwood has been officially charged for beating Gary Shirley, the father of her child, in front of their daughter. HollywoodLife reports:

Amber, 20, was officially charged Nov. 18 with two felony counts and one misdemeanor for domestic violence and battery. Under Indiana law, an incident of domestic abuse is considered a felony if a child is present for the abuse — which baby Leah was in both cases. Interestingly, one of the two felonies is based on footage never aired by MTV.

Of course, in true white trash fashion, Amber is responding to the charges with the always effective, “I ain’t done shit.”

“I didn’t hit Gary in front of Leah so there are no felony charges,” she told HollywoodLife.com. “None of this is true, there’s nothing against me. They can’t charge me if they don’t have proof.”

For those of you blissfully unaware of the situation, and God how I envy you, MTV aired footage of Amber beating Gary, so for her to deny she hit him, is epic levels of retarded. I know this will make libertarian heads explode, but there seriously needs to be some sort of system that prevents people from reproducing without passing a series of tests. And they don’t even have to be hard. I’m talking putting a square block in a square hole. Or not eating a crayon. The amount of problems that would solve is astronomical, but for a starter, let’s assume MTV would go out of business thus returning America to its golden days of yore. Who’s with me?

Photos: Splash News