‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Charged With Two Felonies

November 18th, 2010 // 130 Comments

Seen here outside an Indiana Walmart (Stereotypes win again!), Teen Mom star Amber Portwood has been officially charged for beating Gary Shirley, the father of her child, in front of their daughter. HollywoodLife reports:

Amber, 20, was officially charged Nov. 18 with two felony counts and one misdemeanor for domestic violence and battery. Under Indiana law, an incident of domestic abuse is considered a felony if a child is present for the abuse — which baby Leah was in both cases. Interestingly, one of the two felonies is based on footage never aired by MTV.

Of course, in true white trash fashion, Amber is responding to the charges with the always effective, “I ain’t done shit.”

“I didn’t hit Gary in front of Leah so there are no felony charges,” she told HollywoodLife.com. “None of this is true, there’s nothing against me. They can’t charge me if they don’t have proof.”

For those of you blissfully unaware of the situation, and God how I envy you, MTV aired footage of Amber beating Gary, so for her to deny she hit him, is epic levels of retarded. I know this will make libertarian heads explode, but there seriously needs to be some sort of system that prevents people from reproducing without passing a series of tests. And they don’t even have to be hard. I’m talking putting a square block in a square hole. Or not eating a crayon. The amount of problems that would solve is astronomical, but for a starter, let’s assume MTV would go out of business thus returning America to its golden days of yore. Who’s with me?

Photos: Splash News


  1. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Jamie Neal
    Commented on this photo:

    I love picture #5 of the background fattie in the go-go cart staring at her!!! You know she’s gonna beat her to the twinkies!!

  2. Chupacabra

    She has beyond a quintessential “white trash” face. people like this used to scoop elephant poop for the circus. Worse. Even the poorest white trash during the great depression weren’t this trashy. This is the result of 30 + years of mid-west White Castle inbreeding. I feel sorry for whatever offspring she had, but even if you take the kid away and put them in a good, clean educated home, the child will probably still end up being just like the white trash breeder parents – it’s nature vs nurture, and there are well-documented cases where adopted kids in great environments turned out like their murderous parents. This bitch is destined for some epic, horrendous end involving murder, mutilation and perhaps they will televise her trial…

  3. dude

    She has that look best described as “Carny”

  4. aera

    WTF is she wearing?!?!?!

  5. jill

    yes, she has that hard, squinty look peculiar to carnival trash. Plus I can’t look at her face without thinking of a moray eel. Or punching her. Or punching a morey eel.

  6. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s so great is the background photo is directly what she’ll look like and be doing in the (near) future. I agree with Cock Dr. If abortions were free, it would save the goddamned world as we know it.

  7. R.J.

    Damn, what a freakin’ mug.

  8. King Salami

    50 bucks says she plays the gross Italian mobster mama in the Goonies remake

  9. Suds

    Throw Momma from the Train.

  10. Mysterion

    @ Salami
    She will play Ms. Piggy goes to prison.

  11. andrew

    Mama fratelli from the goonies?

  12. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m not sure but I’m thinking he’s no Mr. Wonderful. He was in collusion with his mom and threaten to take the baby away from Amber. All because she was gracious enough to let him stay with her without contributing but didn’t want to get back with him. I think ??

  13. dan plapp

    she is fugly and fat

  14. wim

    I warn you all, THIS IS A WOMAN WHO LOVES IT TO BE MEAN, folks!!

  15. wim

    this women will kill ya after she ruine ya.

  16. Cock Garage

    Has anyone mentioned the fat fucking cow riding the Wamart issued Rascal behind her?! Jesus Christ! It’s fucking ironic that 20 years from now Amber will be the fat bitch riding into walmarts to buy a new mumu and reasonably priced snack cakes because her obese thighs prevent her from walking more than 10 feet without the aid of a wheelchair/canes/small children.

  17. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone just needs to knock this bitch out one time….and she’ll quit being an angry trash hoe.

  18. Aja

    WHy should I care about this person? I’m tired of being told by the media I’m supposed to care about some nobody on a reality show. This is not a celebrity.

  19. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Senior Pepe
    Commented on this photo:

    Hell, I’d take a run at her Mother before I would whip out my dick for that pig looking toad. Mom looks nasty!

  20. nooooooooo

    I’ve seen some horrible mugs on the train but in picture #2 I find it hard to believe she’s younger than 40. Talk about the world turning on her, even her dna said screw this.

  21. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    My first reaction to this is that i wish we could go back to the day when MTV played music videos. Atleast then you had somthing creative to numb your mind. Then i realize it was thoes of us who grew up watching MTV back then that raised these worthless dregs. So i guess we have nobody to blame for the mindless dribble that comes from these cable networks but ourselves. I would end with who cares but then if nobody did watch you wouldnt be posting anything about it.

  22. Kelley

    What happened to the rest of her eyebrows ??

  23. Lady Blah Blah

    Who is this fat faced fuck and why should visitors to The Superficial care about her?

    • Lady Blah Blah

      And why does Fish use phrases like “epic levels of retarded” but put attention on the use of an offensive term by a teenage Palin girl? I think the Palin woman and her populist appeal are symptoms of a civilization in decline and I’m somewhere to the left of Pol Pot, but hypocrisy is bullshit. Like when Democrats get all bent about Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill but give Bill Clinton a pass on Kathleen Willey, Juanita Broaddrick, Paula Jones, etc.

  24. Jswole

    This is just white trash!! nothing else really needs to be said. Only Trash would think its ok to have a child at that age and act the way they do. American class is going down the tubes. pretty soon it will be ok for 6 year olds to whore themselves. What happend to giving shows to people with tallent or true values?? Now and days any women who has a litter get tv shows and dumb white trash fat ass young grils who get pregnat becuase there parents are dumb trash also. Makes me sick!!!

  25. doin' it well

    looks more like Natalie from The Facts Of Life to me

  26. George R. McCasland

    What is interesting is how long it has taken for Amber Portwood to be charged. If it had been the other way around, he would have been arrested immediately, and any rights to see the child taken away.

    Many think he should have defended himself, but legally he could not defend himself as that is considered domestic violence under the Domestic Violence Against Women Act. If he had touched her in defense, she could have had him charged. Men should never defend themselves from an abusive woman, and when the police are called, they should always ask for female officer to be present as they will arrest the women on domestic violence far more often than the male officers.

    Properly, he can now take custody of the child, under the same law, but I would be willing to bet that no one, not even his attorney has told him that. He does not have to wait for her to give him the child, he can take the child.

  27. nstark

    She isn’t fat at all so sorry everyone who is saying that. FFS, not every woman needs to be a size 0 to be considered thin. She isn’t fat. Kirstie Alley is fat, Nikki Blonsky is fat. This girl? NOT FAT.

    That said, any attractiveness she has is completely ruined by the fact she is an abusive, ignorant idiot. And for her to say Leah wasn’t present is a joke. I saw the show and the beat down she gave Gary was disgusting. And it was right in front of their adorable little girl, Leah, who was SCREAMING her head off by the end. And it wasn’t just one time, she also shoved him into a corner and slapped/punched him in an earlier episode.

    I hope that child gets the chance to be raised by someone in her life who is kind, loving and attentive to her. Because she surely hasn’t gotten any of that so far. Sad.

    And it is good to see someone in reality programming actually have to face the consequences of their actions. Next up should be those hosebeasts on the Bad Girls Club. Ugh….

  28. Jovy

    Anyway, he deserves to be beat up for plowing that beached whale.

  29. Nikki L.

    Sad thing is, she hit Gary frequently on the show, and probably even more when the cameras weren’t on. The publicized stills aren’t even the worst of the beatings; she hit him a lot worse in the episode where he tried to move out.

  30. Christ

    I hope MTV is called on the carpet for not only stopping the beatdown (which they are obligated to do), but for continuing to film it, thereby encouraging this woman further. I wouldn’t shed one tear if that network was shut down completely. As to this trailer trash piece of crap, she doesn’t have sufficient brainpower to wipe her own butt, much less be a mother to any children. Put the kids in foster care; it’ll be much better for them in the long run…

  31. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    ew who is her demonic friend?

  32. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    i want to fix her eyebrows so bad. eep

  33. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    haha love that chick in the background

  34. Jojo

    I say, the blogger is correct. We do need stupid test, she would have clearly failed it and this situation would have never happened. She would have shoved the crayon in Uranus and then thrown the square block to the wall because it didn’t fit in the hole that looks like a circle.

  35. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Turn off the Tilta-Whirl...
    Commented on this photo:

    Them ladies lookin’ way too fiiiine for just goin’ to the Walmart for strawberry wine coolers, a home perm kit, and another fabulous pair of the boots that Amber’s sporting in Git-er-done Onyx. She looks like she was rode hard and put away wet and broken.

Leave A Comment