‘Teen Mom’ Amber Portwood Offered $500,000 To Do Porn

January 3rd, 2011 // 92 Comments

“And it’s nothing I don’t already do for free/meth. Hmm…”

Vivid Entertainment’s Steven Hirsch is out of his fucking mind. When he’s not trying to fulfill some sick, twisted obsession with providing shelter for Octomom, he’s pursuing people who have absolutely no place being in porn. People like, oh I dunno, Amber Portwood. Hollywood Life reports:

A source tells HollywoodLife.com that Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood recently bragged that celebrity porn powerhouse Vivid Entertainment wants to give her $500,000 to star in an X-rated film.
According to an inside source, there have been ongoing discussions between Amber and Steven Hirsch, the co-chairman of Vivid.

Granted, I’m sure there’s an audience dying to see Mama Fratelli from The Goonies get the business because we live in the greatest country on Earth, there’s no way you could pay me to watch this thing get knocked up on camera. Obviously that’s the only way it knows how to have sex or we wouldn’t even be having this discussion in the first place. In fact, I hear if she gives you a handjob, you have to drive her to Planned Parenthood within 72 hours which, unfortunately for Gary Shirley, is on the way to KFC. “Man, I’m not ready to be a dad- Oooh, chicken bowls.”

Photos: Splash News

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  1. They NEED to offer her some psychiatric counseling for her anger problem..

    • kelly

      this is absolutely disgraceful. They should sriously stop making this womans life hell and focus on the real problem at hand. People are so petty these days that it makes me sick. anything to make a quick buck.

  2. Mortimer Duke

    Everyone relax. Theres going to be no penetration. Straight bukake flick.

  3. guy rossi

    I’m proud to be an American

  4. Wally Gatorade

    That is one hell of an ugly girl. She’s going to be one of those big, white trash bruisers in another few years.

    Isn’t porn supposed to be kind of erotic? I just threw up in my wastebasket here at the Justice Department.

    • Facebook me

      I think Vivid does an ‘amateur porn’ division..Probably what Steven has in store for her.

      • Richard McBeef

        She needs to do some smeared mascara stuff with a shit lubed ass pounding that proceeds directly to jackhammer throat fucking. That would at least begin to right the cosmic wrongs that have allowed her to gain some level of stardom on a network that shouldn’t even exist.

      • Emily

        You are so rude, and that was probably the most disgusting thing i’ve ever heard. So what the girls got problems… big fkn deal.

  5. Will this be considered a ‘Horror Flick’? …my penis already inverted because of fear.

  6. Amber Portwood
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Oompa-loompa doopity doe,
    if you get preggers you’ll get your own show.

  7. youcandieNOW

    I’d pay good money to see her fat head used in one of those Pumpkin’ Chunkin’ slingshots.

  8. hellokittylover

    How old is she?..People are so f*cking sick these days.

  9. Dankin

    Is $500,000 enough for an eye transplant from Hugh Jackman? Because thats what its going to take to get me to see this shit.

  10. Drew

    I hope she gets her ass pounded in it.

  11. Dankin

    @Wally Gatorade

    “That is one hell of an ugly girl. She’s going to be one of those big, white trash bruisers in another few years.”

    Going to be….?

  12. GravyLeg

    Those reports have to be a lie. Bestiality is illegal.

  13. Either she’s well-endowed or they want her to do Sloth.

  14. anonymous

    Wouldn’t offer her $5 to fuck let alone $500K to film it.

    • Mal gusto

      The only porn I would watch her in would be an anal rape video that ends with her being snuffed.
      That would make a mint on pay-per view.

  15. And cue the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

    Tell them they’re on in five…….

    .

  16. Objac

    I’d watch her take a dick.

  17. fish merkin

    Good money, I’ll pitch in. This will be a snuff film, no?

  18. Amber Portwood
    lauryn
    Commented on this photo:

    that pretty much sums it up

  19. 539

    She does look like Mama Fratelli though. Or her faced got flattened with an iron and someone had fun with tan crayons. Expect the dvd to be $100 to recoup the lose.

    539

  20. brit

    Tomorrow’s Headline: Humanitarian philanthropist offers Vivid Entertainment $1 million NOT to make teen mom porno.

  21. INMATE 12236969

    Hell I’d let my little brother fucker her; he needs a shot of leg bad!

  22. Sonny the Cuckoo Bird

    A rep for Amber’s would-be Rottweiler co-star has issued a statement to the effect that is client would rather be returned to Michael Vick.

  23. just-this-guy

    This is a shakedown by Vivid, isn’t it? They want to see how much we’ll pay for them NOT to make this video.

  24. Harmonov

    She comes from Anderson, IN, a true redneck shithole if there ever was one. She would likely be treated as royalty there for doing this. Guys will likely get her naked picture on the mudflaps of their trucks.

    This was undoubtedly a dream for her from a tender, young age as the folks from A-Town have unusually lofty goals set for themselves from birth.

    Knocked-up at 16? Check.
    Arrested for assault and battery? Check.
    Lose daughter? Check.
    Make 500 Large for doing porn? Check.

    A truly natural progression of events.

    Now she can cruise and just eat McDoubles for the rest of her life off of the interest of her $500,000 paycheck. Talk about gravy train with biscuit wheels.

  25. Mario Mario

    PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES

    Not becase I want to see her, no but I would love for her to go into a real downward spiral, first porn then drugs then prostitution, all for my amazement

    But I would still watch the porno, kinda curious how she looks underneath

    PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES PLEASE SAY YES PLEA

    • Barney

      She has already knocked out 3 of these four. All is left is to do porn AND get paid (in cash, not meth) for it. Her crotch is probably more rotten then any dump in the greater USA.

  26. Facebook me

    I think Vivid is getting WAY TOO desperate these days…Can’t they find quality talent?

    • Richard McBeef

      It’s a publicity stunt that they are fairly confident won’t even proceed to a negotiation stage

  27. Michelle

    Why would someone pay her for something I am sure someone has already got on tape for free and just doesn’t remember or chose to forget? ick

  28. Amber Portwood
    Lolocaust
    Commented on this photo:

    Dear Vivid,

    It has come to my attention that you hate our penises. I can only presume that you’ve invested in Viagra and are attempting to create widespread erectile dysfunction to bolster your profits. As clever as this plan is, I’m afraid that I have to declare Jihad on you on behalf of our dicks.

    Regards,

    The World

  29. Lolocaust

    Dear Vivid,

    It has come to my attention that you hate our penises. I can only presume that you’ve invested in Viagra and are attempting to create widespread erectile dysfunction to bolster your profits. As clever as this plan is, I’m afraid that I have to declare Jihad on you on behalf of our dicks.

    Regards,

    The World

  30. Mista Busta

    This is nothing more than a publicity stunt. Should someone happen to stoop that low and take the bait, it just blows up 100 times in size.

  31. ilikesake

    I always said they needed to increase their BBW section, but this ain’t what I had in mind..

  32. Argy Blargy

    I thought Ron Jeremy retired?

  33. Amber Portwood
    cj
    Commented on this photo:

    Hm, she’s not even half as scary when her hair isn’t the same color as her face.

  34. CakeSnifferer

    Whaaaa…? What’s the target market for a product like this?

  35. Huge Jackedman

    They should produce a Throw-Up-In-My-Mouth double-feature with her.

    Her and Ron Jeremy in a hetero film.
    Her and Snooki doing lesbo.

  36. EvilTwin

    I would sooner fuck a bag full of hair and vomit than pay $19.95 to watch her get cornholed by some dirtfarmer. But then again, I’m a good Christian boy.

    Mudflaps indeed.

  37. The Original Shawn

    There’s obviously been a misunderstanding. She’d do it for a Pepsi and a Snickers bar. The $500K has been authorized as an offer to get a guy to put his dick in her.

  38. ‘MudFlaps” … best line of the day!!!! hahahahahahaha

    Ohhhhh man … you see when you have a demented imagination you start dreaming up of co-stars for her in the movie. Ron Jeremy has some acting talent so that’s a no. K-Fed would be in it. Snooki. Amy Winehouse. Screech from Saved by the Bell. The ‘Bear’ from the Grizzly Adams TV show (Unless Khloe K agrees to shaving), Chris Brown, and the long awaited return of the Cowardly Lion …

  39. My chief complaint about porn throughout the years has been that the women are too attractive. Porn is for women who aren’t even marginally attractive and Vivid clearly understands that.

  40. bitingontinfoil

    Great – porn for meth addicted, raging Oompa-Loompas.

  41. crackerleroy

    portwood? i think limpwood is more appropriate. surely they can find a stray great dane withou a peanut butter allergy to guest star

  42. This would sully the reputation of pornography.

  43. Jenny with a Y

    Wow. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  44. somethingoriginal

    Just remember kids, it’s not a snuff film if it only kills her dignity

  45. Amber Portwood
    One of the masses
    Commented on this photo:

    My GOD she’s just not a pretty girl. A face just made for porn I’d say. (pig nose)

  46. Rabbi Cohen

    Why would G_d allow this?

  47. grobpilot

    Even though I think this is complete bullshit, isn’t she under 18 years old?

  48. Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    I would pay this whore NOT to do porn.

  49. Paloma

    Why the hell would anyone want to see that naked on purpose?

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