‘Teen Mom’ Amber is Pregnant Again

February 23rd, 2011 // 96 Comments

Despite Teen Mom being a positive learning experience filled with life lessons so valuable, eight out of the 10 people who combine to form Rosie O’Donnell approve, Amber Portwood has reportedly taken three at-home pregnancy tests, all with positive results, according to RadarOnline:

“When Amber tested positive, she decided to go to a local clinic to have a doctor tell her once and for all if she is expecting,” one source close to the reality star told RadarOnline.com.
“It’s confusing because Amber is telling people that the doctor said the test was negative, even though the home pregnancy tests came back positive, and there were a number of them too.”
… To make a potentially bad situation even worse, the scandal-prone Portwood has been linked with so many new men in the past few months, she has no idea who could have fathered the child!

Granted, Amber’s 20 now, so it doesn’t really count as a teen pregnancy, I think it’s entirely fair to lay the blame for this at MTV’s feet. For starters, they handed out $140,000 checks to white trash and expected that not to end in multiple unwanted pregnancies. Which is even more frustrating when you realize half of them would’ve sold their uterus for only $100. Or just meth which MTV could’ve easily substituted for rock candy to avoid charges. Maybe I’m the only person who’s full of answers, but you’d think it wouldn’t be that hard to trick someone who’s had a baby yet still doesn’t grasp that semen entering her vagina causes pregnancy. Amber’s probably sitting at home right now trying to figure out if this is Taco Bell or Dr. Pepper’s fault. “Or was it these Pringles… YOU SAID YOU WERE STERILE!”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. gogo

    FIRSSSSST!!!:P

  2. gogo

    FIRSSSSSSST1 HAHa

  3. jsimpson

    Dr. Drew is satan. I’m convinced now.

  4. b33b3r

    Couldn’t have been me; all I did was nut in her butt

  5. I think I just came in her vagina a little.

  6. do love those thighs.. but amber portly already looks like oliver hardy in the face. and where’s she gona put the oversized tat of this new kid?

  7. The Listener

    3 possibilities: 1. Amber’s telling the truth. 2. The “source” shouldn’t be trusted and made the whole thing up. 3. Amber’s lying because she doesn’t want others to know she’s pregnant and hasn’t decided what she will do with her pregnancy.

    I’m leaning toward 2 or 3.

  8. Coat Hanger

    let me handle this…

  9. Rough, tap dance connoisseur

    MTVs going to shed a lot on bonus this year….I see.

  10. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know abortion clinics handed out balloons. That or she just bought a new car.

  11. The hat says it all…. That is a girl who has Jacked a lot of Lumber….

  12. freshxprincess

    I thought whales only mated once?

  13. allllllyk

    Darwin says this baby is doomed to be eaten by a homeless man.

  14. Star Droppings

    This is certainly a blow to anyone who thinks being easy is prestigious.

  15. Talk about a contrast from the Amber Heard post…
    The ugly lumberjack Amber is the one who loves cock?
    How does this make sense?

  16. Kayle

    I bet not one of them bought a house with that money..or a condo, or invested it on anything besides the mall.

  17. This photoshoot confuses and frustrates me… Why does the publicity spread for Teen Mom: Part Duex look like advertising a President’s Day sale for a local used car dealership?? What does this have to do with living with herpes or nurturing the needs of unwanted, fetal-alcohol-syndrome babies?

  18. I love it when people get surprised about getting pregnant. “Wait, sex results in…offspring? No way! Oh you liberals with your science and stuff.”

  19. Mr Obvious

    This is why there needs to be a test and licensing before you can have a baby.

    • Snickers

      There really needs to be. Except who would administer the test? Most of the people in the government shouldn’t be having kids themselves.

      • Lux

        Agreed.
        I really don’t know who would give them. Social workers are already vastly overworked and underpaid.

  20. Karen

    Poor “teen mom.” When white boys pretend they’re black, all they do is wear oversized basketball jerseys and caps on sideways.

  21. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    danny
    Commented on this photo:

    How does this beast find anyone to mate with? That shouldn’t be allowed!

  22. Jimbo

    If she would just take it up the butt this would not be a problem

  23. RoboZombie

    Two words: Mandatory Sterilization.

  24. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    ACuriousFellow
    Commented on this photo:

    I blame Adrian Brody for this. He fucked the thing from Splice, why wouldn’t he fuck this? He’s gotta be the father.

  25. ptitz

    i swear, when i was 13 i knew a girl who looked just like her and even had the same hat. not to mention that she was a slut. doppelgangers?

  26. J

    Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
    Goddammit.

  27. jojo

    Who dresses up a pig and then doesn’t put lipstick on it?

  28. Hmmmmm

    YAY!

  29. "Big" Gary

    this fat pig is disgusting…and I love how her trash bag parents talked all the shit about gary in the begining, and now look your daughter is the filthiest gutter trash

  30. See? What do you need Amber Heard for when you’ve got…hmmm.

  31. babooda

    In that first picture with the hat, the “smoldering” look and the fish lips, she looks like the poor man’s Khloe Kardahsian!

  32. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    If you open up a dictionary and look for the word “DERP”, you will see this picture right next to it.

  33. Agwings

    Before I noticed it wasn’t green, I thought that was Shrek giving me come hither looks.

  34. HackSaw

    That’s when the whores come in.

  35. Maury! Maury! Maury!

  36. Who is it that’s nailing this troll? Jesus christ…I mean we’ve all had our hoggin’ moments, but that’s for when nobody is looking…you tap this taint and you’ve got national exposure waiting for you.

    I’m not even going to get into Shrek’s Glamor Photo shoot.

  37. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, aint that ‘Merica!

  38. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    How can we have the moral fortitude to pass universal health care but than LACK the moral fortitude to enforce mandatory sterilization for girls like this?

  39. beastman

    this person is not a celebrity!!!! stop writing about no-bodies you might as well write about the GW writers mom!

  40. nonminti

    what a cool lottery,guess who’s the pappa.But the prize might seem too big :)

  41. Seriously, those hands are half a chromosome away from being trotters.

  42. youcandieNOW

    If she won’t have an abortion, the least she can do is feed it to Gary.

  43. Ruth

    You know ‘Fish, if you wanted to branch out of celebrities, I would totally support you.

  44. Lucifer

    Maybe she’s born with it, or maybe it’s Morphling.

  45. Isn’t her appearance enough to serve as birth control? Seriously, I can’t fathom how much booze I’d need to consume in order to touch this…thing.

    • Jovy

      You know you’ve hit an all time low when not even Manbearpig can look at you without 7 beers and a few hits from the bong.

  46. Stephanie

    Indiana trash.

  47. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    The Ugly Truth
    Commented on this photo:

    POOR UNBORN BABY!!! IT NEEDS TO BE PUT OUT OF IT’S MISERY BEFORE IT SUFFERS A LIFE WITH A MOTHER LIKE THIS.

    ABORT!!!!!!!!!!

  48. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    Theo
    Commented on this photo:

    I support spaying her.

  49. Teen Mom Amber Portwood Pregnant
    cocoKay
    Commented on this photo:

    I am convinced this girl is a victim of fetal alc syndrome…no normal human being has eyes that far apart.

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