Despite Teen Mom being a positive learning experience filled with life lessons so valuable, eight out of the 10 people who combine to form Rosie O’Donnell approve, Amber Portwood has reportedly taken three at-home pregnancy tests, all with positive results, according to RadarOnline:
“When Amber tested positive, she decided to go to a local clinic to have a doctor tell her once and for all if she is expecting,” one source close to the reality star told RadarOnline.com.
“It’s confusing because Amber is telling people that the doctor said the test was negative, even though the home pregnancy tests came back positive, and there were a number of them too.”
… To make a potentially bad situation even worse, the scandal-prone Portwood has been linked with so many new men in the past few months, she has no idea who could have fathered the child!
Granted, Amber’s 20 now, so it doesn’t really count as a teen pregnancy, I think it’s entirely fair to lay the blame for this at MTV’s feet. For starters, they handed out $140,000 checks to white trash and expected that not to end in multiple unwanted pregnancies. Which is even more frustrating when you realize half of them would’ve sold their uterus for only $100. Or just meth which MTV could’ve easily substituted for rock candy to avoid charges. Maybe I’m the only person who’s full of answers, but you’d think it wouldn’t be that hard to trick someone who’s had a baby yet still doesn’t grasp that semen entering her vagina causes pregnancy. Amber’s probably sitting at home right now trying to figure out if this is Taco Bell or Dr. Pepper’s fault. “Or was it these Pringles… YOU SAID YOU WERE STERILE!”
Photos: Splash News
FIRSSSSST!!!:P
1st
Song:
Who let the pig out. Squeel, Squeel, Squeel, Squeel.
FIRSSSSSSST1 HAHa
HA HA HA you filthy prankster/s?…
Time for your meds again, gogo!
Dr. Drew is satan. I’m convinced now.
Couldn’t have been me; all I did was nut in her butt
Wasn’t me either. I double bagged it.
wasn’t me, the bag on hear head broke and I lost my wood and vomited.
I think I just came in her vagina a little.
HAHAHA! :D
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/
THANK YOU!!! post a link to a coupon too~
Do they offer a permanent sterilization option?
If so, put me down for $50…
do love those thighs.. but amber portly already looks like oliver hardy in the face. and where’s she gona put the oversized tat of this new kid?
She could put the new tat on her face and improve her looks!
3 possibilities: 1. Amber’s telling the truth. 2. The “source” shouldn’t be trusted and made the whole thing up. 3. Amber’s lying because she doesn’t want others to know she’s pregnant and hasn’t decided what she will do with her pregnancy.
I’m leaning toward 2 or 3.
let me handle this…
for baby:
http://abortioninstruments.com/new_index.html#instruments
and for mother..
http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,2144,3223992,00.html
I’m going to hell for laughing at this. –wait.
At least you’ll have all those aborted fetuses to hang out with when you get there.
Nuh-uh…the Catholic Church got rid of Limbo.
And besides, Limbo was still a level of Hell, it was just a nice level at the top.
Aborted babies go to limbo.
Actually, they go into a Chinese stew.
YES! IT’S TRUE! CHINESE PPL EAT FETUSES! I just found that out last week and I STILL can’t look any of them in the face…
MTVs going to shed a lot on bonus this year….I see.
I didn’t know abortion clinics handed out balloons. That or she just bought a new car.
The hat says it all…. That is a girl who has Jacked a lot of Lumber….
According to the hat, the father could be Larry, Darrell, or his other brother Darrell.
I wonder how many people here would get that’s a reference to characters from “Newhart.” I loved that show.
jesus f christ, that was funny…
LOL – I got the reference… I bet more than a few get it… :)
Someone needs to come up with a Northern Exposure reference now… LOL
You can bet, that given that hat, the father isn’t Maurice J Minnifield.
I thought whales only mated once?
Darwin says this baby is doomed to be eaten by a homeless man.
This is certainly a blow to anyone who thinks being easy is prestigious.
Talk about a contrast from the Amber Heard post…
The ugly lumberjack Amber is the one who loves cock?
How does this make sense?
she’s from the midwest. make sense now?
Not really… Amber Heard needs to come back to the “cock side” of The Force…
I bet not one of them bought a house with that money..or a condo, or invested it on anything besides the mall.
This photoshoot confuses and frustrates me… Why does the publicity spread for Teen Mom: Part Duex look like advertising a President’s Day sale for a local used car dealership?? What does this have to do with living with herpes or nurturing the needs of unwanted, fetal-alcohol-syndrome babies?
I love it when people get surprised about getting pregnant. “Wait, sex results in…offspring? No way! Oh you liberals with your science and stuff.”
This is why there needs to be a test and licensing before you can have a baby.
There really needs to be. Except who would administer the test? Most of the people in the government shouldn’t be having kids themselves.
Agreed.
I really don’t know who would give them. Social workers are already vastly overworked and underpaid.
Poor “teen mom.” When white boys pretend they’re black, all they do is wear oversized basketball jerseys and caps on sideways.
How does this beast find anyone to mate with? That shouldn’t be allowed!
If she would just take it up the butt this would not be a problem
Between her mudflaps and her butt flaps, it’s all a crapshoot anyways.
Two words: Mandatory Sterilization.
two letters and two numbers: AK47
I blame Adrian Brody for this. He fucked the thing from Splice, why wouldn’t he fuck this? He’s gotta be the father.
i swear, when i was 13 i knew a girl who looked just like her and even had the same hat. not to mention that she was a slut. doppelgangers?
Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Goddammit.
Who dresses up a pig and then doesn’t put lipstick on it?
Amber Portly’s parents!
YAY!
this fat pig is disgusting…and I love how her trash bag parents talked all the shit about gary in the begining, and now look your daughter is the filthiest gutter trash
See? What do you need Amber Heard for when you’ve got…hmmm.
Portly the Pig in “The WB’s” latest series…….”S&#@ My Father Should Have Said!” !
In that first picture with the hat, the “smoldering” look and the fish lips, she looks like the poor man’s Khloe Kardahsian!
I find her “sexy look” attempts hilarious and nauseating at the same time.
Agreed!
If you open up a dictionary and look for the word “DERP”, you will see this picture right next to it.
Before I noticed it wasn’t green, I thought that was Shrek giving me come hither looks.
Score!
That’s when the whores come in.
Maury! Maury! Maury!
Who is it that’s nailing this troll? Jesus christ…I mean we’ve all had our hoggin’ moments, but that’s for when nobody is looking…you tap this taint and you’ve got national exposure waiting for you.
I’m not even going to get into Shrek’s Glamor Photo shoot.
The Donkey did it!
Well, aint that ‘Merica!
Hey darlin’, I remember when your face could…stop a clock…
How can we have the moral fortitude to pass universal health care but than LACK the moral fortitude to enforce mandatory sterilization for girls like this?
this person is not a celebrity!!!! stop writing about no-bodies you might as well write about the GW writers mom!
what a cool lottery,guess who’s the pappa.But the prize might seem too big :)
Seriously, those hands are half a chromosome away from being trotters.
If she won’t have an abortion, the least she can do is feed it to Gary.
You know ‘Fish, if you wanted to branch out of celebrities, I would totally support you.
Maybe she’s born with it, or maybe it’s Morphling.
Isn’t her appearance enough to serve as birth control? Seriously, I can’t fathom how much booze I’d need to consume in order to touch this…thing.
You know you’ve hit an all time low when not even Manbearpig can look at you without 7 beers and a few hits from the bong.
Indiana trash.
POOR UNBORN BABY!!! IT NEEDS TO BE PUT OUT OF IT’S MISERY BEFORE IT SUFFERS A LIFE WITH A MOTHER LIKE THIS.
ABORT!!!!!!!!!!
I support spaying her.
I am convinced this girl is a victim of fetal alc syndrome…no normal human being has eyes that far apart.