‘Teen Mom’ Amber Got Her Baby Back

December 1st, 2010 // 57 Comments

Let’s keep the white trash flowing.

Despite just being charged with two felonies and having her child deemed a ward of the state, Teen Mom Amber Portwood already has her baby back this week. Child services apparently warned her that this is her last chance and they’ll remove Leah if they find her living in unsuitable conditions, according to RadarOnline:

“Amber hired someone to clean up her apartment recently and even went out over the weekend to buy a proper baby bed for Leah,” the source close to the situation added.
“She was trying to get everything up to par at home so that Child Protective Services would deem it a suitable place for Leah and she’d get her back; and it looks like it worked.”

Christ, I can’t even imagine how demoralizing it must be to work for child services. Basically they just handed this kid back to her mother and went, “Okay, we’re giving you one more chance to kill your child through neglect. So, pretty please try not to do that. We’ll be your best friend.” I’d literally go home everyday from that job and just start giving the neighborhood kids vasectomies between belts of scotch. “El Señor Scalpel,” they’d call me.

Photos: Splash News


  1. pander smirk

    that sucks

  2. Hank Rearden

    No shit. This country is full of trashy people, leading loser lives, having stupid babies out of wedlock, living on the dole, etc. What an effing embarassment.

    • Ayn Rand

      Don’t put yourself down, Hankie, as losers go you’re a 10.

      • spoonicorn

        Um, “Ayn,” do you have any recollection of Hank Rearden, by chance??

      • Jesus thinks you're a jerk

        Ayn Rand’s books were a bad joke. It’s people like her who give speed addled booze bags a bad name. Anybody who thinks her work offers something valid should remove their head from their ass but of course they never will because they like being in the dark.

      • spoonicorn

        What, in particular, do you disagree with in regards to her books? I don’t expect an answer, since liberals can never cite any examples. I’ll look forward to another series of hollow insults.
        I suppose you prefer giants of intellectual thought like “Earth in the Balance” and the “Audacity of Hope,” right?

      • spoonicorn

        @Jerk …still waiting…just one example…
        @McFeely Amen.

    • McFeely Smackup

      The typical liberal douche has never READ Ayn Rand, but that doesn’t stop them from pretending they have.

      It’s fun to ask them simple things like character names, or how long was John Gault’s speech.

      • JesseJimmy

        Or to ask them how to spell John Galt’s name correctly.

      • Freedumb ain't free

        Someone actually finished that snoozefest?

      • Jesus thinks you're a jerk

        That is so fucking hilarious, you failed your own little name challenge.
        Conservatives only exist to make morons look intelligent by comparison.

      • spoonicorn

        @ Jerk Oh and what exactly was the fail on the name challenge? Aside from the “Ayn Rand” idiot NOT getting the Hank Rearden reference???
        Can’t wait to see the next blathering response.

      • Ballin

        Yep, you must be a liberal douche if you dislike Ayn Rand.

        Like Wiliam F Buckley Jr.

        Wait, what’s that? Lots of people think her books are unreadable tripe? My. God.

      • Jesus thinks you're a jerk

        spoonicorn you are truly a cretin, why do you think that commenter CHOSE the name Ayn Rand? Then McFeely Smackup said it’s fun to ask them (liberals) simple things like character names and before the sentence is finished he misspells the name of character John Galt. You didn’t even notice because being conservative you lack the ability to perceive irony. You also lack about 40 points required to give you an average I.Q..

  3. Sue

    Poor child.

  4. McFeely Smackup

    did she eat the baby?

  5. Ze German

    I wonder is she does anal?

  6. Navin

    Looks like she got her baby back ribs.

  7. slappy magoo

    She got her babybackbabybackbabyback she got her babybackbabybackbabyback…

    not coincidentally, I’m betting Amber winds up “accidentally” covering her baby in barbeque sauce and eating her.
    Do I think Teen Mom glorifies teen moms? Not exactly, I think society is so borderline-mongoloid, being a complete and total f*ckup is considered a fair tradeoff if it means there’s even a chance you get to be on the teevee.

  8. molly

    fuckin disgusting. this show is an embarrassment. this show absolutely glorifies being a teenage mother, i know several girls who have watched the show and decided that having a baby at 17 wouldn’t be so bad after all. god damn MTV

  9. Hemingway

    I bet that trash can back there would take better care of the kid than she would. On a side note, I’d also rather fuck the trash can.

  10. fester

    We wouldn’t have all this trouble if Child Protective Services was subcontracted to dingoes.

  11. ___

    Jesus, by the look of her ugly mug you’d think that she was 300 lbs.

  12. Lady Blah Blah

    “[I've] been around the world and found
    that only stupid people are breeding”
    - lines from the song Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger

  13. krutboo

    she is one of the girls that I would make fun of in front of people but if alone with her, I’d not hesitate to shove your cock down her throat. She is trash and thus I can imagine being able to do anything to her. Dayum!!!!

  14. Naked Chicks Rule

    She’s too ugly for porn, but I could see her as a prostitute. 150/hour, tops.

    • jojo

      150/hr? please get a grip. 50 cents to run a hundred man train. And that is still over paying. You might as well stick your cock in a freshly brewed shit.

    • McFeely Smackup

      I don’t know what kind of pussy starved environment you live in, but that is not $150/hr material in my area. That’s more like $20 for a BJ behind the 7-11.

  15. jojo

    Bestiality is illegal, isn’t it?

  16. Racer X

    Fat face and a skinny body!!!

    /she looks like a walking lollipop

  17. I hope she gets her shit together..

  18. argleblargle

    If she had to hire someone to clean her place so she could get her kid back, chances are her place will either be too filthy for the kid soon enough, or she’ll be too broke to feed the kid. You make the mess, you clean the mess. Don’t rely on hiring other people to take care of your life for you. Jesus…..

  19. The Hater

    Looks like the kind of chick who’d invite you to do her anally after she’s been constipated for a week. Nothing like feeling the head of your unit hitting those hardened, corn-encrusted chunks.

  20. rickardo

    chick is fuuuglly!!!

  21. Dammit where are the ass shots, am still trying to decide if id throw her one

  22. Cainusrising

    …and proceeded to throw it into a big blue dumpster.

  23. sobrietyisacrutch

    Shit! I should get a job at CPS. I can drop the ball for a price.
    And I could use some pens.

  24. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure she just didn’t go to Chili’s? That’s a great place to get Baby back, baby back, baby back…she want’s her baby back..

  25. Pangulin

    Man Oh Man! Fish what is happening to this site. We are treated, today, to pictures of a fully dressed Kim K.,Brit-Brit looking like something the dog brought home, Natalie Portmann looking like the “Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come”, Bristol Palins bare thighs and enormous head and now this sow!
    Where are the hot chicks and nudity,let alone the real stories about stuff that matters?

  26. Anonymouslyawesome

    that face, its one Chucky would be proud of.

  27. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    Commented on this photo:

    She got her baby back baby back baby back.
    Also, the AP reported something about ribs and barbecue sauce.

  28. Teen Mom Amber Portwood
    markonius maximus
    Commented on this photo:

    Miss Piggy had a piglet?

    WTF – Who is this lame?

    Ah Fuck it – Never mind.

  29. The only reason she wants her kid back is because if she doesn’t have the kid she won’t be able to be part of Teen Mom anymore and can say goodbye to any money she gets from it.

  30. NeNe

    Mark my words, Child Services is going to regret their decision to return baby Leah to her mother. I hate to say it, but I have a sinking suspicion in the pit of my stomach, that that was a huge mistake on their part.

  31. HumptyNumpty


  32. Stephanie

    There was a man in Indiana(where Amber lives) recently who got custody of his children reduced because he was of a different religious ‘training’ than the kids’ mother. He was simply agnostic. Being from Indiana (but no longer living there) I can say..Lots of white trash like this. And the court systems are shit.

  33. Kristen

    My biggest problem with most of the Teen Mom’s, especially Amber is the fact that they “struggle to take care of their babies” but yet they always have the money to tan (or buy fake tanning lotion that turns them orange), their hair dyed, their nails done and some pretty nice clothes.

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