‘Teen Mom’ Amber and The Fat Dude With a Tail Are Getting Married

Presumably to pitch their own reality show considering just last week she was pregnant with a baby that literally anybody could’ve been the father of, Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley were spotted shopping for a “promise ring” over the weekend at Kay Jewelers. Of course, the whole thing would’ve looked less staged if Gary didn’t stop every five seconds to look at the paparazzi and make sure they were taking all those pictures they promised. I’m amazed there’s not a shot of him winking before attempting to get down on one knee and careening into a display case. “Get those cameras ready, boys- OH GOD NO!”


“I’m okay! I’m okay. My daughter broke the fall. You alright, sweetie? Sweetie? Shake your head if you can hear daddy. …. We’re not going to Gamestop are we? THIS IS BULLSHIT.

Photos: Splash News