Get this: Turns out David Duchnovny’s “sex addiction” (Read: He has a penis.) was not the cause of his separation from Tea Leoni, but instead she was having an affair with Billy Bob Fucking Thornton. How does this guy keep getting chicks? Anyway, Mulder supposedly found text messages between Tea and Billy Bob causing things to go South, according to the Daily Mail:
Through the texts Duchovny found out she had begun a relationship with Oscar-winning actor Billy Bob Thornton, 53, who was formerly married to Angelina Jolie.
Thornton, a musician with his own band, has been seen with Téa at his gigs.
‘She even helps him load and unload his truck,’ says a friend of the couple.
She hauls his instruments for him. So that’s how Billy Bob does it. Here I’ve been taking chicks to fancy dinners like an idiot when I should’ve been treating them like a roadie. Excuse me, I need to tell my date we’re bailing on Olive Garden tonight, and that she better know how to work a soundboard.
UPDATE: She told me to “eat a dick.” So, ladies, should I take that as “Yes, you’re getting laid tonight.” or “Perhaps at a later date?” If it helps with the decryption, she also tried to pepper spray me through the phone.
Thanks to Kristen whose physical prowess suggests she can haul some amps like a mofo.