Taylor Swift’s New Video Wasn’t Worth The Hype

The first Fifty Shades of Grey movie had a Beyonce song for its theme, which made sense because that was before Trump’s America where the biggest threat to our national greatness, besideszombie immigrant voter fraud, was a black woman’s sexuality. But times have changed, and even though we’re talking about a film that almost certainly includes more assplay than a Larry Craig airport bathroom break, the filmmakers came to their senses and chose our nation’s most sexually repressed substitute librarian, Taylor Swift, for the soundtrack. The video is god awful and is set in what looks like an Eyes Wide Shut kind of party if it was being thrown at a Mormon summer camp. Although in fairness, Taylor does get scandalous here, exposing one of her sensibly bra-clad boobs from under a man’s blazer, so never mind, this is practically a scat film by Cape Cod standards.

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Photo: AKM-GSI, FiftyShadesVEVO