Taylor Swift Wants To ‘Shake It Off,’ I’m On My Way

August 19th, 2014 // 48 Comments

I’m not a 15-year-old girl who got dumped before Homecoming (yet), so I couldn’t tell you how long it’s been since Taylor Swift‘s released a song, but here’s her new video for Shake It Off anyway. Which is alarming for two reasons: 1. She doesn’t have sex with Karlie Kloss in it. Not even once. And yet, 2. I will apparently sit here watching an entire four minute music video if it involves Taylor Swift’s crazy tight 24-year-old body dancing around because I can’t sit around waiting for Hilary Duff forever. There are only so many notes I can leave in her child’s crib before I have to accept the fact our relationship will never be anything more than hard, almost animal in nature, fucking. Emotions just complicate things anyway. *wipes tear* It’s nothing. Go away.

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  1. GwynethPaltrowsSenseofEntitlement

    In about 20 years, she is going to be very shocked by the realization that it wasn’t her talent that had everyone kissing her ass and giving her attention.

  2. PunkA

    This bitch is way too narcissistic. All her songs are about herself. All of them. No wonder dudes all hate her so much.

  3. Jack Ketch

    Tackier than even Katy Perry!

  4. JC

    It’s not that bad, although it’s about a full minute too long given how thin the material is. But I’m sure 12-year-old girls, emotionally stunted single women in their 20s and 30s, and gay guys will eat it up.

  5. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    She wears granny panties. Why am I not surprised?

  6. Cock Dr

    She’s cute, I’ll give her that.
    Spouse tells me that tween girls yearning to learn to play guitar like Taylor Swift has meant a great deal of work for his teaching business at the local studios. So go Taylor, keep jumping around & strumming.

  7. All I can see is that ‘hurr im a hoers’ meme.

  8. Short Round

    Nothing more annoying than someone pathetic thinking they are awesome.

  9. Greg

    I’m pretty sure her launch into pop music is driven by her minders who profit more off of her. Once the crowd wanes, she’ll be dropped like a bag of rocks, and/or then forced to ‘sex it up’ to get attention.

  10. Miley Cyrusis aslut

    Exactly what I expected of T-Swizzie…A bunch of vary talented dancers, paid a significant amount of cash, so a talentless, uncoordinated hack could make boatloads more money from a bunch of screaming twelve year old hormones with feet….

  11. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re inviting me to perform a dual penetration? Is that it? Well, I only got one penis but I’ll do my best.

  12. Personally, I like the positive affirmation message: “Ive wasted too much money on dance lessons that are getting me nowhere. I’m clumsy enough, gawky enough and, gosh darn it, people like me.”

  13. Hmm

    She’s hot, that’s all that really matters for now.

  14. Marketing Mike

    When she started they stayed away from vocal gimmicks, and she
    gave actual vocal performances, good or bad. Now, with this thing,
    she’s FULL BIEBER with every note tuned and stacked in layers,
    to the point that her voice sounds like it’s sampled on a keyboard.
    At least Katy Perry knows she can’t sing, and showcases her tits.

  15. I’m not watching that because I’m an adult man…and I’m at work, I’ll watch it when I get home

    • dontkillthemessenger

      One piece of advice… watch it with the sound off. And earplugs in. Don’t let even 2 seconds slip into your eardrum.

  16. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    Does she look like a blow-up doll, or do blow-up dolls look like her?

  17. Swearin

    Watched the whole video, not the first boner I’ve been ashamed for getting, won’t be the last

  18. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes, please.

  19. Actually sat through most of this porn video, but no Policewoman or Nurse costume change so I can only give it 2 stars

  20. Undid all of her recent good New York legwork with this debacle. I’ve never had so much of a non-boner.

  21. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    some black dude
    Commented on this photo:

    As much as I want to irrationally hate her as I do most celebrities out of pure jealousy, I have to admit her body is amazing. Long lean toned. 6 feet of white girl perfection

  22. RichPort

    This is a desperate cry for help. I blame all of country music for this debacle.

  23. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Bob Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    eh i’d still bang her

  24. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    Use that mouth for something other than talking or singing and you’ll be able to keep a boyfriend.

    • Nobody's Fool

      She is sooo a lesbo. All her “boyfriends” are just beards. She’ll never come out thought just like Sandra Bullock. Probably she’ll marry that biker dude too somewhere down the line so she can be all hurt and disgusted by man and justify adopting alone.^^

  25. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sorry, Tay. I don’t think it’s gonna fit. I do, however, have something that’s more like the size of…say, a Polska Kielbasa that might work.” *wink*

  26. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t care how hot she is. She’s fucking crazy. She is pretty hot, though. It’s a shame.

  27. Twizlah

    Hey Tay, let’s make tummy puddles.

  28. IfOnly

    Catchy tune. I’m playing it again as I continously bang my head against my cement wall.

  29. Fish: she doesn’t have a “crazy tight” body, she’s got the body of a scrawny, prepubescent girl. That isn’t hot.

    She was surprisingly self-aware in the first minute or so, when she says other people say she’s an airhead and can’t keep a man (all true). And then it went downhill from there.

  30. anonymous

    Wow….that song sucks. It’s literally just a bunch of cliches that she just reciting.

    For her next song, she might as well sing a bunch of knock knock jokes and call the song “Knock Knock”

  31. This is the police

    I await the inevitable Ron Jeremy remake

  32. anonym

    I’d hit it.
    I think she’s cute, and sometimes she can look smoking.
    and during interviews, she doesn’t seem like some psycho bitch.
    Her “eww” skit with jimmy fallon was cute.

  33. Can the father of two small children with no time to pay attention to pop culture anymore ask a question: is this what is considered country music these days?

  34. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a Mormon beach?

  35. Taylor Swift Shake It Off Music Video Screencaps
    Commented on this photo:

    I look at every frame of her awesome body, and I keep thinking, why isn’t this sexy? I’ve been attracted to walking footstools, for Gd’s sake, but I’m not attracted to that. Weird.

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