Taylor Swift Wants To ‘Shake It Off,’ I’m On My Way

I’m not a 15-year-old girl who got dumped before Homecoming (yet), so I couldn’t tell you how long it’s been since Taylor Swift’s released a song, but here’s her new video for Shake It Off anyway. Which is alarming for two reasons: 1. She doesn’t have sex with Karlie Kloss in it. Not even once. And yet, 2. I will apparently sit here watching an entire four minute music video if it involves Taylor Swift’s crazy tight 24-year-old body dancing around because I can’t sit around waiting for Hilary Duff forever. There are only so many notes I can leave in her child’s crib before I have to accept the fact our relationship will never be anything more than hard, almost animal in nature, fucking. Emotions just complicate things anyway. *wipes tear* It’s nothing. Go away.

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