Taylor Swift Is Taking Her Album To Browntown

Taylor Swift’s slow burning marketing campaign for her new album reputation has absolutely no shame when it comes to partnering with corporate sponsors. In an unprecedented display of culture manufacturing, T. Swift and Co. have ponied up with UPS to bring the legions of swifties merchandise covered in their signature shade of brown. My guess is that it’ll only be a matter of time before some poor guy in short brown shorts gets ripped to shreds by a roving gang of teenage girls who have organized a small racket in their suburban neighborhood. These guys have no idea that they’re walking into a war zone…

I’m kidding, Taylor Swift isn’t at war with anyone – as much as she wishes she was. Fact of the matter is that nobody gives two shits about grilling up beef with the Serpentine Queen, she can literally fill your house with snakes and a bunch of snakes trying to eat the eggs she paid someone to lay for her is the last thing Kim Kardashian needs.

Katy Perry addressing the elephant in the room during last night’s VMA’s – notice how she can’t even mention Taylor Swift’s name, instead referring her as “Ed Sheeran’s friend.”