Taylor Swift Got Dumped Again

January 8th, 2013 // 81 Comments
Previously On Dump-Town
Taylor Swift Cameltoe
Conor Kennedy Breaks Up With Taylor Swift Read More »

Let’s get this out of the way, so we can move on to more important topics like celebrity weathermen pooping themselves. After barely two months of dating, One Direction’s Harry Styles has already kicked Taylor Swift to the curb, according to Page Six. And while this is the part where I’d ask what the hell she’s doing (or not doing) to send these guys packing so quickly, there’s really no point because we’re all going to get a turn here shortly. In fact, I’m #5,689 which hopefully isn’t after Photo Boy because he does this weird thing where he puts his penis in a woman’s vagina instead of crying in the corner because they took one of your comic books out of the bag while you were in the can. The man’s a deviant.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. FattyFatty2X4

    So does she not put out or is she terrible in bed??
    It’s one of those 3.

    • EricLr

      Do you really think John Mayer would have stayed even one night if she wasn’t putting out? No, the problem isn’t her banging ability, it’s having to listen to her talk non-stop for 3 hours about her cute dogs after you’ve banged her.

  2. Why would you want a turn anyway? She’s unattractive, and would write some crappy song about your breakup for all the world to hear.

    • Schmidtler

      She has a vagina, and we’re not picky. or sensible. or thinking anywhere past banging her.

      • I can’t believe anyone would think Taylor Swift is unattractive. I think she’s a doll. Skinny as an Anorexic Ethiopian, but still quite pretty.

      • Dr. JFever

        Agree, she may be an Autotune cliche barfing talentless ‘singer/songwriter’ BUT she is pretty. Not hot or cute but better than average pretty.

      • She’s ok with bangs, but when those eyebrows make an appearance she’s like a whiter Olivia Munn without the decent body.

  3. EricLr

    Turns out that 2 months is the longest anyone can listen to her ditzy ramblings without either running or eating a bullet to make the pain stop. Fortunately, it hasn’t occured to her yet to start chaining them up in her basement. That’s coming next.

  4. JC

    Humans can’t have sex with stick bugs. It ruins relationships.

  5. Her and Jennifer Love-Hewitt should decide which one will be on top and get it over with.

  6. Taylor Swift Single Harry Styles Break Up
    Ryan
    Commented on this photo:

    Girl is too thin. She needs to eat something.

  7. Norm

    What’s the third one?

  8. Poop head

    Judging from her lyrics, she probably has the maturity of an 8-year old and the wit and intelligence of a block of cheese.

  9. “Harry Styles?” Seriously?

  10. Deacon Jones

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and say she’s a lame fuck.

    • Marlow

      Lights off, “I love Jesus” pajamas on, missionary only, don’t touch my boobs, double-condoms, lots of talk and cuddling, once a month at best?

  11. sminkypinky

    Attractive enough, but too needy and chatty.

    We’ll find out all about it in her next song .

  12. BlinkyTheFish

    You just know she is one of those girls that thinks she is instantly and permanently in love with a guy…every time. Smothering as hell, I would imagine. It’s not cool when you’re an average girl, it’s even worse when she’s a multimillionaire famous girl – because she’s got the funds to go perma-stalker on you.

  13. vandinz

    This bitch must have a pussy like a donkey’s yawn. So many men have been through it I’d have to tie a plank to my arse to make sure I didn’t fall in.

    • “…a plank to my arse…”

      Awesome.

    • @vandinz: Speaking of people who live in fantasy worlds, what’s the rent in that world you live in? You know, the one where you have even a snowball’s chance in Hell of having sex with beautiful, rich, and famous Taylor Swift? Her security team would have your “arse” Tasered before you got within 100m :)

  14. Taylor Swift Single Harry Styles Break Up
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    Sympathies to the dad in the blue shirt who apparently had to bring his daughter, son, and mom to see Taylor Swift.

  15. Let’s see… what rhymes with “Styles”? Well, I guess we’re gonna find out.

    Wait a sec… didn’t I make this exact same joke like two months ago with that young Kennedy fella?

  16. cc

    Just wait, some day she’ll go Jodi Arias on someone’s ass.

  17. Hey, I wonder if they’re ever, ever, ever gonna get back together? Or if this was just exhausting.

  18. Judging by many of the replies on this web site. She’s 22, and many of you are probably 22. It’s immaturity. That’s all.

    • Burt

      No excuse. She’s had 6 years to stop acting like a 16 year-old.

    • Juch

      Judging by your reply on this website. You came to a website where people make dumb/insulting/parody comments about celebrities, and then you complain about people at the website making dumb/insulting/parody comments about celebrities. You are . . . 12?

    • Veronika Larsson

      Taylor is 22 years old but her last two boyfriends were in high school (Conor Kennedy) and 18 years old (Harry Styles). Taylor wants True Love, a fantasy relationship, and projects that desire onto younger guys.

      Here’s all you need to know to understand Taylor: she was a month into her relationship with Conor Kennedy when she bought a house in his neighborhood. One month.

      This is a relationship pattern that keeps repeating itself. Taylor needs to clear her busy work schedule, call a hiatus on romance, and get herself into therapy to understand why she’s making these choices.

      As for labels for either men or women who have a string of short romances, I’m not interested. Calling people names doesn’t help them make better choices.

      • You’re a knob.

      • mike

        I can hear how fat you are from here.

      • I’m actually tall, blonde, and Swedish. If we’re going to judge people, I’m guessing you weigh twice as much as me. It’s called “projection”, as in:

        I, mike, feel self-conscious about being grossly overweight, so the biggest insult I can hurl at people is that they’re fat (especially if that person is a woman).

        I’m sure the people who know you love for you who are, mike, so don’t worry about your appearance.

      • “Taylor wants True Love, a fantasy relationship, and projects that desire onto younger guys.”

        Maybe she’s waiting for a guy who will buy her a unicorn. Or maybe a dragon.

      • 20 year-old-girl

        Yeah, but who wouldn’t want a unicorn

      • Burt

        Sounds to me like she’s clingy.

      • Juano

        She’s 22 and dates 16 and 17 year old boys. If the situation were reversed and she were a man, people would be finding her dating habits a little creepy.

    • Nah, when I was 22 I was a foxy married lady with a house and a job. I didn’t get this immature until much later.

  19. Mandy

    It’s weird. If any other female celebrity in Hollywood was going through this many guys, the media would be having a field day with “Skank! Tramp!” etc. But because she plays the victim card, she gets off scot-free.

    • Burt

      Yeah, dating far fewer men got Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz labeled as “serial daters” in the media.

  20. This bitch is certified crazy. Wait until she starts getting married, she is going to blow through Elizabeth Taylor’s record in no time.

  21. my take

    1. she dates gay guys
    2. She is a extreme clinger with a fairty tale fantasy streak
    3. she has a penis

    If I was dating her and it was 3, Id just talk her into me letting me watch her fuck katy perry. Id have a hidden camera and make BILLIONS off the sex tape.

  22. Marcie C.

    Here’s the deal. I believe Taylor Swift is really just a sexually liberated woman whose has the fortunate fate of being famous enough to make her “to do” list happen. Think about it. Every guy has been a sexually desired man in entertainment allot of girls want to lay since puberty. Maybe the whole “break up” scenario is the same. She just tells them the truth she slept with them and now moving on to the next. Taylor Swift is a secret maneater under her pop look. That’s what happens when plain girls become hot girls.

    • Smapdi

      If you replace “sexually liberated” with “contractually obligated” and delete everything after “woman” in the first sentence, you may have something there.

    • RyeGirl

      I think you give her FAAAAAR too much credit..

      Sexual divas don’t date guys she would do it on the sly if it were all about her doing her “hit list” of guys..

      She is probably wicked annoying, I find her highly irritating on tv, radio or in movies so I can only imagine that intensifies in the flesh

    • Burt

      Have you ever seen her without makeup? Not hot at all.

  23. blech

    I’ll take a number and wait my turn. I’m totally ok with that.

  24. BSName

    She must be really high maintenance because she certainly is attractive and rich enough.

  25. PHuQueUE

    I bet she don’t suck dick. It’s a deal-breaker. It’s that simple.

  26. Disco Dave

    I agree with Marcie. I think it’s wolf in sheep’s clothing and everyone is fooled. She’s got money and career/brand that’s built a warehouse of plausible deniability.

    Total female predator…and the delicate psyche of the guys she dates/conquers are not down with that. I don’t think she eats souls but you’re going to do what Taylor wants you to do.

  27. *sniff* Do you smell that? *sniff sniff* Oh, it’s disgusting. It’s the smell of a new Taylor Swift album. Coming soon.

  28. anonym

    What’s wrong with her?

    She’s filthy fucking rich.
    That alone would make me put up with her crazy shit.

    My dream is to have a young sugar mama.
    Maneater? no problem. Use me, abuse me, but keep that money coming.

  29. Taylor Swift Single Harry Styles Break Up
    Trust Me On This...
    Commented on this photo:

    Girls who get dropped that quickly over and over again – usually squirters.

  30. Sandoucheky

    Smelly vagine. Simple. Jennifer Aniston has the same deal.

    • jonandkateplushate

      I suspect it is smelly and huge, like with it’s own echo and what really makes them run is that the her vagina echo is the chorus of the breakup song she is so about to write.

  31. Taylor Swift Single Harry Styles Break Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Her next album should be called “It’s not them, it’s me!”

  32. It was a fucking PR stunt! Harry is the hottest homo esque boy band member ,NOW, and Taylor just dropped another retread of her previous crap for a lilly white audience of republican children.
    I for on don’t think Harry got two inches of that chick’s count.
    Every pix of them had her looking like she was photo bombing that shit.

  33. Helena Handbasket

    Writing all those songs about her break-ups makes her look like a loser. It puts the public eye on the fact that guys keep dumping her.

    If she just dated a bunch of guys without writing songs about it, she’d just be your garden variety slut. Nothing wrong with that.

    If you can’t keep your legs shut, keep your mouth shut.

    • The problem is a lot of women want to make us believe that the biggest hole on their body surrounded with lips is on their face

  34. kery

    she should stop dating so many guys bitch!!! ;D

  35. Huhhhhhhhh

    What’s up with the writer of this article? The bad jokes have got to go..

  36. Pandassssss

    She should just turn lesbian. But girls probably wouldn’t want to date her either.

  37. Taylor Swift Single Harry Styles Break Up
    gregsuarez
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, Taylor, you frigid, needy, attention-seeking whore: when will it ever work for you?

  38. Rikke

    The fact is, if I ever got famous enough to get into the crowd of male actors/singers/whatever that I really wanna bang, I would probably do what she does. Perhaps without the tacky love songs.

    I mean, I still can’t decide which Avenger I want to shag the most, so I would probably just try and do them all.

  39. ANonymous

    THERE IS NO WAY SHE IS PUTTING OUT!! SHES A SCARED VIRGIN!

  40. ANonymous

    THAT SAID>>ILL BREAK YOU IN RIGHT!

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