Taylor Swift’s In A Bikini

July 29th, 2013 // 51 Comments

Normally, I’d make fun of Taylor Swift for wearing bikinis from the 1950s, so I’m still going to do that but with the caveat that her body keeps looking more and more awesome even when dressed like the cast of Mad Men, so my penis would probably accept the following deal that Ed Sheeran apparently did. No one likes a hypocrite.

“So before I agree to a relationship, what do you bring to the table that constant sex with fans doesn’t?”
“I wear my grandmother’s swimsuits and don’t put out.”
“I see. Now does that include handjobs?”
“Only on our wedding night.”
“I like those odds. To the malt shop!”

Photos: WENN


  1. john

    I knew you were annoying when you walked in……..

  2. She looks damn fine, even in that odd French nautical armor from the 50′s. Her crotch is fully protected against all maritime assaults.

  3. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know they had female gondoliers now.

  4. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard Ed Sheeran
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone tell the ginger kid that even though he has no soul, he’s still 1,000% more likely to get skin cancer than us daywalkers

  5. She’s so fucking boring. Why am I not surprised that she wears a bathing suit from the 50s? Either she’s a major poser or she’s the very definition of a prude. Neither one of those things is good.

  6. What is it with her and high-waisted EVERYTHING?? Jeez, what a boner-killer

  7. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard
    Hurr Durr
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s obvious that the ONLY reason she wears these disgusting granny bikinis is to cover up her gut.

  8. Bart Schiller

    She is as sexually mature as a 4th grader. The girls might think she’s cute, but she has absolutely NO sex appeal at all for guys.. I kinda can see why she’s single and can’t keep a boyfriend. She’ll be a good looking girl when she grows up..

    • You don’t claim to represent ALL guys, do you?

    • I know there’s no set rule for attraction, and she’s a pretty enough girl, but I had to re-read thus twice to make sure I saw Fish call this girl ‘awesome’.
      She looks like a 9 year old with breasts. Not cause she’s skinny, but because she’s skinny and looks like she’s 9.
      I give her points for being tall, but that’s where it ends.

  9. Joe Mahma

    She’s SO boring.

  10. It may not be the bikini we deserve right now, but it’s the bikini we need.

    PS: TSMD
    taylor swift must die

  11. I’m gonna have to be a purist here and insist that Fish not recklessly throw around the term “bikini” for what’s always been known as a “two-piece”. It’s just not right, especially for a two-piece with a bottom half that dates from the 1940′s. The first bikini debuted in France, right after WWII (and the American A-bomb tests in the Pacific), and proceeded to kick sand in the two-piece’s face for the rest of the century because it provided minimal coverage, unlike this armored Spanxfest.

  12. Urbanspaceman

    Chelsea Handler was right. This girl is a virgin.

  13. Kel

    Vogue asked Taylor if she could raid any star’s closet , who would it be. Her answer was Betty White.

  14. She may be psycho and she may write a song about you, but damn if she is not hot.

  15. Kel

    Taylor had her first boyfriend’s name tattooed right above her vagina. That was his property and they were going to last forever. A few weeks and a restraining order later, they were never ever ever getting back together so she had the artist just tattoo a line through it. She crossed him right out of her life. This cycle continued many, many times over the past couple of years and that’s how the high waist bikini was born.

  16. Mr. Fahrenheit

    “Is this how the Mexicans do it?”

  17. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    More evidence that the only reason Swift dated a Kennedy was for the chance to pilfer from Rose Kennedy’s wardrobe.

  18. White chicks built like that scare me. There ain’t no fucking ass, anywhere. Even Snoden couldn’t find her ass. Damn! She got Asian eyes and fat lips like a sista but where is the ass????????
    Boring white bread.

  19. Cock Dr

    She’s so cute, yet has the sex appeal of a mop.

  20. *SMH*

    “…her body keeps looking more and more awesome…”

    Are you serious? Her body isn’t any ‘hotter’ than what you’d find on a hot Saturday afternoon at the beach or local community pool. You need to get away from your computer more Fish.

    • Sorry, I gotta side with Fish and El Jefe. I think she’s very cute and she does seem to be maturing physically. I wonder, though…is that bustline home grown or store bought?

  21. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s up with Taylor Swift and all those ugly granny-panty swimsuits? Does she have a gnome down there?

  22. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard
    Commented on this photo:

    is THAT a bikini?

  23. ace11

    Gyllenhaal got inside that

    im willing to bet the ranch on it

    Would love to have been a fly on the wall to hear those 2 in action

  24. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard
    Commented on this photo:

    Something smells like fish

  25. She’s a cute girl. Maybe she’s just shy. She’s got to know paps take pics of her and may want something with more coverage since she’s moving around a lot, to prevent a wardrobe malfunction. But hey, as long as she ain’t singing I don’t give a flying fuck what she wears.

  26. richie

    She (more likely, her team) is very smart/p.r. savvy – leaves a lot for the imagination.

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  30. Taylor Swift Bikini Paddleboard
    Commented on this photo:

    That is not even close to being a bikini!!

  31. RubberBandMan

    WTH!!!!! Is she trying to cover up an adult diaper with that thing she is wearing?

  32. back to the bikini, much like beyonce taking pictures in black and white, she realized that vintage “bikinis ” fit her body better

  33. Johnny Barbells

    [flips through pages of dictionary] “A… AW… ah, here it is: ‘awesome’…” [pauses for a moment to read] “…i THOUGHT so! Fish has definitely lost his damn mind!” [closes dictionary]

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