Normally, I’d make fun of Taylor Swift for wearing bikinis from the 1950s, so I’m still going to do that but with the caveat that her body keeps looking more and more awesome even when dressed like the cast of Mad Men, so my penis would probably accept the following deal that Ed Sheeran apparently did. No one likes a hypocrite.
“So before I agree to a relationship, what do you bring to the table that constant sex with fans doesn’t?”
“I wear my grandmother’s swimsuits and don’t put out.”
“I see. Now does that include handjobs?”
“Only on our wedding night.”
“I like those odds. To the malt shop!”