Taylor Momsen: ‘I’ll See Your Grammys and Raise You a British Accent’

February 14th, 2011 // 67 Comments

I swear to God Taylor Momsen has a copy of Miley Cyrus‘ schedule because literally every – damn – time Miley shows up somewhere trying to prove she’s all grow’d up now, Taylor throws a peep show because she’s a 40-year-old truck stop whore trapped in a 17-year-old’s body. “Dicks? Pfft. They don’t do nuthin’ for me anymore. A hack hack hack! Lousy black lung. Handy?”

But at least Taylor finally wore a new outfit before playing El Rey this weekend and addressing the crowd in, what I’m 90% positive was, a British accent (after the jump). Which is perfect. I was just saying the other day we need more Gwyneth Paltrows in the world. Brave soldiers threatening to kill themselves in the event their child is forced to eat Cup-a-Soup. Tackling the hard issues that plague the bourgeois before they find themselves trapped in a quagmire of plebeian cuisine. “My word, is this Olive Garden? Line the children out back, Winifred. We shall die as a family. Breadsticks, dreadful.”

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Scott


  2. DKNY

    Wish she’d get naked already. Better her than Miley.

  3. Jimbo

    This bitch is as worthless as Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber put together

    • wtf?

      Justin Bieber fucking sucks! END OF FUCKING STORY!

      Miley Cyrus is fucking awesome! Miley Cyrus can suck my dick when i wake up in the morning and swallow all my sperm because she’s 18 now! woohoo!

      • Tati

        I agree, but the way you phrased the portion of your sentence “when I wake up in the morning and swallow all my sperm” makes it sound like you make it a habit of ingesting your own semen in the mornings… you’re in need of a grammar lesson in subjects/direct objects otherwise you could end up in some *sticky* situations in life…

      • Alex

        and really “swallow all my sperm”? who fucking talks dirty like that? SWALLOW ALL THAT SPERM! take that frothy ejaculate!

      • **Im snooty british accent** I say old bean would you care for some ejaculate from my member? It’s a right fresh spot of sperm it is. Well, come on now open wide I can’t hold this in all day.

  4. Pimpin aint EZ, despite what you’ve heard

  5. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    No doubt she will get naked at 12:01am the day of her birthday. It is ordained!!

  6. Peter

    She’s extremely fuckable.

  7. Cute, but I still have no idea why she’s “a celebrity”. First, do something, THEN be famous. When did it get reversed?

  8. Poontankerous P.I.G.

    I need to take this girl to one of the 12 states where the age of consent is more, uhm… liberal.

  9. Deacon Jones

    So how many months before I can admit to clicking on these pics?

    • Cock Dr

      Nothing illegal here……..just an over-made-up teen in a skank outfit. See ‘em all the time at the malls.

  10. Confucius ask

    Wholor Whomsen?

  11. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    You know she still plays with her Barbie Dolls, she probably doesn’t even know what a vibrator is. When she turns 18 she’s going to become a born again conservative Christian.

  12. TomFrank

    “Plaque the bourgeois”? Since when did the Cavity Creeps enter into this?

  13. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    I see a Who from Whoville.

  14. Lady Blah Blah

    Taylor Momsen is not in the same category as Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian (no-talents whose grasps at celebrity status included leaking their own sex tapes). She’s in the same category as Miley Cyrus, though Momsen did not get into the business by virtue of having a famous dad. (Momsen started acting at age 3. And she’s a heck of a lot better looking than moon face Cyrus.) Her talent as an actor and musical performer may be negligible, but she seems to be doing pretty good for herself with what she has. (I sound like Randal; makes me want to take a whole bottle of Aleve washed down by a liter of Grey Goose.)

    Her 18th birthday will be July 26, but (according to Wikipedia), she’s good to go right now in: age of consent 16: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia; age of consent 17: Colorado, Illinois, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, New Mexico, New York, Texas.

  15. jojo

    I don’t think its an act. She is a natural skank. Born to skank. Live to skank. Skank.

  16. Fletch

    Ass sphincter says, “what?”

  17. noooooooooo

    A british accent, she could only top this feat by performing on stage in a mustache and claiming to be her long since abandoned older brother.

    She plays so many cards to gain attention that it’s pathetic, parent’s didn’t love her enough. The industry corrupted her mind and made her strip randomly for attention. Being on a teen sitcom on public tv made her give up on life and herself because it’s so cruel.

    If she wasn’t so desperate for recognition of any level it would be funny, at this point it’s just sad and pathetic. She’s the stray dog that whimpers at everyone’s door for scraps but actually has a home and more than enough attention.

  18. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Jerry Jones
    Commented on this photo:


  19. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    She might only be 17, but she knows where to stuff a cock. That’s pure bred whore right there.

  20. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The red corset dress is a nice touch for Valentine’s Day.
    Such a romantic look, doncha think?

  21. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Herman Bumfudle
    Commented on this photo:

    uuumm taylor! you are so fucking beautiful.

  22. KC

    I’ll bet she puts so much eyeliner on her crotch that your dick looks like you’ve been screwing a chimney.

  23. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s more of a what than a who.

  24. brit

    She’s more of a What than a Who.

  25. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish these little whores would hurry up and die from their fated overdoses already! I’m tired of seeing them.

  26. taylor momson street team

    go taylor momson! maybe someday you’ll grow up to be like Miley Cyrus or Selena Gomez or Demi Lovato or Victoria Justice! Victoria Justice turns 18 in 5 days. woohoo!

  27. Frobz

    But GUYYYZZ she’s so DEEP and DARK!!! Dinnt you see the CRUCIFIX? She has deep seated ISSUES and stuff! She speaks to the modrn girl mind!!! Like she totally understands what living is all about and she rejects the totally patriarchal slavery mindset?! And like she totally played at the Vampire Sex Club in Toronto so she’s SO legit and all those rumors about her being a Disneytot are SO not true because she’s so REAL and stuff? Like hardcore? She can SOOO kick Avril’s ass and stuff. Like omigod Avril is SOOO gross. And Miley I could JUST puke. Taylor is SO what rock and roll is all about I’m going to totally tell my mom to back the hell off and I’m living my OWN life here so whatEver

    • She was in Toronto? Age of consent here is 18 I believe. Meh, no one would really care if someone threw it in her while she was here.

      Anyone else betting that she’ll do one of those “I’m 18, let’s fuck” videos right as she turns 18?

  28. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    typical male pig
    Commented on this photo:

    Momsen > Miley, all day. And there’s also 70000% chance that both Taylor Momsen will intentionally put out a sex tape, unlike Miley’s which will be “leaked” and thus poorer quality overall.


  29. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    So I guess she has to plug her cooch in to an electrical outlet to kill the crabs.

  30. Has to be said in the age of Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Justin Beiber and Kanye West this girl, a minor for quite some time now, has been eating, living breathing and sleeping Rock and Roll.

    Jimmy Paige you could learn a thing or two from her about devotion to her craft.
    Mick Jagger where were you at 15? Knocking them out at the local shop?
    Rock and Roll, she’s living the dream WITH NO SUPPORT from the supposed legends of Rock.

    What’s up guy’s did your dick’s shrivel up? Fuck even Willie Nelson is out there doin’ with the country people.

    • Goes for you too Trent Reznor, put her in the stuido with you for half a year see what happens. You can’t fake that much soul.

    • i might add she’s not charging $40+ a ticket like ur stereotypical sellouts who insist you buy thru shitholes like ticketmaster. i paid 15 a pop. that’s what i pay for one beer and jaegerbomb at the local bike bar..

  31. Alex

    further validating the truck stop dick suckin’ hypothesis is that sweeeeet cold sore she has.

  32. John

    Getting fired from your paying job to play clubs for pea(nuts). I bet vivid knows her birthday and they will break her down before she hits 20.

  33. aine

    Ummmmm guys? Have you heard her sing? Also, are you telling me you were the same person at 17 that you were at 10? Or 5? Or 3? I certainly hope not…

  34. aine

    Oh and as for the accent, I believe she’s been spending all of her time if not living in the U.K. Now I know it seems kind of odd to be all accent laden, but I can’t help but relate as I pick up accents ridiculously quick without even trying. So yeah, it does happen.

  35. the captain

    try to picure a sickmaking & awful personality…….

  36. roocifer

    Wow…this girl needs therapy. But, you know, who wouldn’t with stage parents and shit. I was in a commercial once when I was a kid. A local thing, no big deal, but afterward I wanted an agent and to totally go for it. My parents said, “uh, hell no.” They were smart enough to know that this life is way hard and told me I had to do it as an adult if I really wanted to do it. In retrospect, they were so right. Doing this as an adult, you understand so much more than a kid would.

    But, it pains me to say that for the first time I actually looked up her videos and…I’m going to regret this….her voice is pretty alright. She’s a bazillion times better than Brittany Spears or any of the other random jailbait the industry throws at us. She has some depth to her singing. The lyrics are totally emo, and she needs about two more yards of fabric on her body, but who doesn’t secretly listen to some high school poetry songs once in awhile? She’ll grow out of it. She’s a much better singer than actor. She should stick with it.

  37. Frobz

    Who CARES what her voice sounds like. Really, has rock and roll become a damned talent contest? Some of the greatest rock bands in history had awful lead singers. But they kicked ass.

    I don’t know when “rock and roll” became the exclusive territory of Disneytart teenagers, but I want the real thing back.

  38. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    yes please

  39. 2 sense

    What a dirty looking little pig…yuck

  40. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    God damn…

  41. Nice try with the solo cup, whore. You still can’t sit at our lunch table.

  42. arisss

    make ollllllllll nayt loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove teylorarissssssssssssssssss

  43. arisss

    super sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi kisssssssssssssssssss teylorarisssssssssssssss make loooooooooooooooooooooooooove olll nayt long……………………

  44. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis u ollllways babbe teylorarissssssssssssssssssss

  45. Taylor Momsen Panty Flash
    Commented on this photo:

    make ollllllllllll nayt sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx teylorarisssssssssssssssss

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