Leave it to a blonde supermodel to do exactly the kind of stuff you’d expect a blonde supermodel to do. Like mistake the bathroom door for the exit door and step off a moving bus onto a freeway at 40 mph. Russian model Tatyana Simanava did exactly that on Tuesday, and ended up smashing her arm, dislocating a shoulder, and cutting her face and head.
“She’s lucky she wasn’t killed,” said a police source. “She could have easily gotten run over.” The 21-year-old model had been traveling to a Staten Island photo shoot with other members of international agency Next Models, cops said. She somehow got disoriented after stepping into a passageway outside the bathroom of the luxury bus. “There was a door leading back inside the bus to her left, and one leading out of the bus to her right,” said a traffic cop at the scene. I guess she got disoriented.”
It’s so perfect that just thinking about it leaves me speechless. It’s the kind of thing they make fun of in National Lampoon movies because it’s so stupid and impossible, and yet here it is. Happening. For real. In reality. By a human being. If you’ll excuse me I have to wipe the tears of joy from my eyes.
tsarinaamanda | May 11, 2006 at 4:12 pm
First!!!
tsarinaamanda | May 11, 2006 at 4:14 pm
Oh wow, now my whole life is complete, I’ve been first. I didn’t see mto have much competition, probably because nobody knows who this bitch is.
bigfatmomma | May 11, 2006 at 4:14 pm
up till now, i only expected that kind of smarts from paris hilton
tsarinaamanda | May 11, 2006 at 4:17 pm
Wow, I just read the article, what a fucking retard. How do you even step off a moving bus anyways? And don’t most buses have windows on the doors? And wouldn’t you have the feeling of moving? Too bad she didn’t die, or she’d be up for a Darwin award. Jesus fucking Christ. Finally someone dumber than Paris fucking Hilton, Paris must be celebrating by spreading the super-herpes around. After all, sharing is caring.
tsarinaamanda | May 11, 2006 at 4:18 pm
@3-
Dammit. Sorry, didn’t read your post. I thought I was talking to myself here.
thebor | May 11, 2006 at 4:23 pm
Do you think there was that one guy on the bus watching this unfold and was thinking, “she won’t do it, no way” and then, “holy shit she actually did it, she walked off the fucking bus!”
Amazing, if models are all this dumb it’s a wonder one doesn’t kick it every 14 minutes.
DancingQueen | May 11, 2006 at 4:24 pm
I guess her heroin induced coma she didn’t notice the F-N bus was still moving? What a dumbass. This doesn’t even make sense. You go take a crap in the john and then, poof, suddenly you’re at the door you came in on? What the??? What a dumb bitch.
isegoria | May 11, 2006 at 4:25 pm
hahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahaha
That shit’s hilarious. WTG Tatyana Simanava! You just made my day :D
sweetcheeks | May 11, 2006 at 4:30 pm
If only Lindsay Lohan could make the same mistake…
You have to be mighty fucked up to walk off a moving bus. I’m guessing the picture posted there is the “after” shot. Yikes. Thank God her hair is covering most of that.
sweetcheeks | May 11, 2006 at 4:31 pm
I’m guessing hairbrushes are a black market commodity in post-Soviet Russia.
inspector11 | May 11, 2006 at 4:31 pm
it’s easy to get confused in seemingly obvious situations – like when i had to choose between putting my monstrous wang into a glory hole or near the dirty woman on the floor screaming “give it to me and i choppy choppy!” you’d be surprised about the mistakes you make when disoriented. You’d also be amazed at the quality of prosthetic wangs available these days.
TOMCRUISEluvsthecock | May 11, 2006 at 4:32 pm
Don’t be so mean, back in Russia it’s easier to see that you are moving because the open-air cart isn’t as confusing as the big bus-sy things they have in Amerika. PLus if you fall off, it doesn’t hurt as much because the mule is only travelling at about 3 MPH.
Stupid whore.
RichPort | May 11, 2006 at 4:33 pm
#4 – I laughed so hard I think I got snot on my keyboard.
When you’re emaciated you can’t think straight… she was probably hallucinating and thought she was running away from a sandwich.
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:33 pm
god, women are so stupid
hurley | May 11, 2006 at 4:33 pm
glupaya dyevichka.
hurley | May 11, 2006 at 4:35 pm
“running away from a sandwich” made me laugh aloud.
snookyookums | May 11, 2006 at 4:36 pm
#7 What on earth makes you think she was going to crap?
Jacq | May 11, 2006 at 4:38 pm
She was just going in there to throw up. Coke upsets your tummy. Now, after being hospitalized, they’ve gotten her all fat again with saline IV’s.
I’ve never seen a bus door that didn’t have a window on it. Maybe they were driving in English and she just didn’t get it.
It’s probably something more effed up like those girls from Lithuania who get bought and sold into prostitution. She was jumping to freedom. Dumb bitch.
Italian Stallion | May 11, 2006 at 4:38 pm
The short bus is tricky………
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:38 pm
this is what happens when we let immigrants into the country and let them ride anything other than mass transit
tarjamarja | May 11, 2006 at 4:39 pm
Let me get this straight, there was a moving bus full of models and no childproof locks on the doors?
It was an accident waiting to happen all along. *sigh*
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:39 pm
#9 HAHA, yeah from the looks of that photo she got *really* banged up
Jacq | May 11, 2006 at 4:40 pm
I love, too, that after the door was open and she HAD to see the pavement, she took the leap anyway. Models. Pffft.
Jacq | May 11, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Was that photo taken post-fall? Or maybe it was taken as she was about to jump? Dammit, just saw #9. What can’t you people let me be funny?!
She looks like the girl from The Ring – only with blond hair.
Jacq | May 11, 2006 at 4:42 pm
#22 – I bet that’s not all she can bang!! Snap!
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:44 pm
yeah, i mean how is she supposed to tell she’s falling out of the bus with all that hair in her face?
andrewthezeppo | May 11, 2006 at 4:44 pm
Wow, its not often you don’t know somebody’s name one name and they become your personal hero the next….um actually I still don’t know her name.
Jacq | May 11, 2006 at 4:45 pm
I guess at least she wasn’t trying to go to the bathroom and fell out of a window.
Zanna | May 11, 2006 at 4:45 pm
That is fucking hilarious! I love it. Now why can’t that happen to someone like…I dunno…sherry-co?
Hey inspector – bring that Prosthetic wang over here. That’s right. Prosthetic with a capital P.
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:46 pm
her name is Tyvemva Symehjnevea
RichPort | May 11, 2006 at 4:47 pm
If she wanted to get off the bus that badly she could have flushed her skinny ass down the toilet, but I guess she may not be familiar with indoor plumbing.
Zanna | May 11, 2006 at 4:48 pm
#30 – can’t we just call her Stolichnaya?
pEasANDoLive | May 11, 2006 at 4:49 pm
No one’s mentioned yet how this could have alternately been a suicide attempt, covered up as “disorientation.”
Yeah, everyone can have a good laugh that it may have been a freak accident of stupidity, but on the other hand it’s always better to question the reality versus what other people i.e. thesuperficial.com are feeding you.
Just remember to think before you accept.
tsarinaamanda | May 11, 2006 at 4:50 pm
In Russia, the bus rides you.
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:50 pm
32, “Roadkill Stolichnaya”
Zanna | May 11, 2006 at 4:51 pm
33 – shut up. I have had people close to me commit suicide so I am (and I’m sure most here) are well aware of the “realities” of life.
Just shut the fuck up next.
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:52 pm
She got off that bus so damn quickly…
where do you think she was Russian to?
Zanna | May 11, 2006 at 4:53 pm
35 – Sounds like a cocktail.
Roadkill Stolichnaya
2 parts Stoli
1 part orange juice
1 part lime juice
1 part pommegranit juice (for that blood red effect).
boredmilf | May 11, 2006 at 4:54 pm
OMG…. that sounds so good… I think I’ll mix one up tonigt
Jacq | May 11, 2006 at 4:55 pm
Absolut Retard.
86 | May 11, 2006 at 4:55 pm
cant..stop…laughing
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:55 pm
40, hahahahahahaha
Fisher55 | May 11, 2006 at 4:56 pm
hahahahahaha
RichPort | May 11, 2006 at 4:56 pm
#38 – You forgot 2 parts matted gravel-laden blond hair
Zanna | May 11, 2006 at 4:57 pm
That’s awesome Jacq…what would the cocktail mix be for that one?
Jaydel | May 11, 2006 at 5:00 pm
I’d hit it!
happy_bunny | May 11, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Now how does a model go and get disoriented just from making a visit to the bathroom? Oh, big mystery! Why didn’t she just do her lines out in the living area with the other models?
Zanna | May 11, 2006 at 5:03 pm
47 – I dunno. In Russia they have to stand in line for toilet paper. Maybe seeing a Charmin Big Roll was too much for her to handle.
UNWASHEDMASSES | May 11, 2006 at 5:04 pm
It wasn’t accidental. It was either the fact that she actually had her first bowel movement in three years and fled in mindless terror, or she was doing a shoot for Calvin Klein’s new Roadkill line. That’s the perfume that smells like dead possum with the tagline “no one comes between me and my Calvin, except a city bus going 40 miles per hour.”
Saucie | May 11, 2006 at 5:05 pm
#40 Jacq, you are en fuego today. SOM MLEF (my loins en fuego).
Saucie -OUT