Tara Reid’s not getting married

Tara Reid’s wedding has been called off for reasons I can only assume involve her being a melty pile of drunken penis hurt. People reports:

The actress and Playboy model, 34, gave no explanation, releasing only a brief statement saying, “Tara Reid has confirmed that she will not be moving forward with her May 22 nuptials.”

Is anyone at all surprised by this news? Because there is literally zero reason to ever marry Tara Reid let alone spend more than 60 seconds in her gin orbit. You might as well save yourself the hassle and build a pile of Play-doh that drinks all your scotch. At least that won’t cost you a divorce or constantly scream to headbutt it in the clitoris during sex because it’s dead inside.

Photos: Splash News
Tags: Tara Reid