Tara Reid’s not getting married

April 21st, 2010 // 42 Comments

Tara Reid’s wedding has been called off for reasons I can only assume involve her being a melty pile of drunken penis hurt. People reports:

The actress and Playboy model, 34, gave no explanation, releasing only a brief statement saying, “Tara Reid has confirmed that she will not be moving forward with her May 22 nuptials.”

Is anyone at all surprised by this news? Because there is literally zero reason to ever marry Tara Reid let alone spend more than 60 seconds in her gin orbit. You might as well save yourself the hassle and build a pile of Play-doh that drinks all your scotch. At least that won’t cost you a divorce or constantly scream to headbutt it in the clitoris during sex because it’s dead inside.

Photos: Splash News
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  1. Willie Dixon

    Not surprised.

  2. KIKI

    If she is 34 than I am a monkeys uncle.

  3. Greg

    Looks like “KIKI” is a monkeys uncle….
    Tara Reid date of birth: November 8, 1975

  4. xylus

    She sobered up and realised he was gay…

  5. djs

    I’ll marry you Tara!

  6. Keith

    Husband figured ti was cheaper to just buy a Real Doll. Same body, better conversation.

  7. anonymoose

    tara’s characteristics aside, one look at him and i can tell you the marriage is off because he is a gay man.

  8. Valerie

    Aww, that was too mean. What did she ever do to you, Fish?

  9. lalala

    Who would marry her?!? Can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. She is an STD infested, has been “actress” who has been with every guy on the planet. Need I mention the countless plastic surgeries, drug use, and whatever else she has done…

  10. Sport

    Poor hubby-to-be saw her naked. With the lights ON….

    Deal breaker for sure.

  11. Jen

    looks like she cleaned up quite a bit…till you take her shirt off. i wonder if she will be sloppy drunk on the red carpet again after this. and then we can look at her instead of linsday! PLEASE TARA, PLEASE!!!

  12. lalala

    LMAO #10

  13. the only opinion that matters

    She looks better than she has in ages. Give her a break, seems to me she is trying to clean up. I hope she is successful, I like a good comeback (even if it is as a b, maybe c actress).

  14. That’s a lot of plastic surgery, none of it good.

  15. Tek

    I agree with #11. She does look pretty, but I’m sure that as soon as that top comes off all hell breaks LOOSE. Shame, I used to dig Tara… a decade ago…

  16. She’s still a dirty little chain-smoking whore. Why marry her when she puts out for free? Besides, this tramp has banged half of Los Angeles.

    I predict she’ll be in some 40+ MILF-banging-blacks movie in a few years… it’s written all over her….

  17. DumDum

    Who’s the raccoon in the white tank top?

    Oh, it’s TR. I see she got in a fight with a mascara / eyeliner saleswoman & lost.

    Poor little self-loathing girl, what a pity…

  18. Jen

    He looks pretty gay

  19. Natalie

    Wow, she looks great! She must have had a ton of botox. Her face looks like it used to back in her American Pie days. She was kind starting to age, but she looks amazing now!

  20. havoc

    LMAO!

    Okay, that was some funny shit…..

    “headbutt it in the clitoris.”

    hahahahaha

  21. Julie

    #16: Don’t you wish. You’d probably watch it. I don’t know why men speak derogatorily about porno actresses when they can’t get enough of them at the same time.

  22. Sardonic

    He woke up startled and in a cold sweat. So, it was a bad dream after all. God, what a relief. He laid back down, grinned, closed his eyes and farted.

  23. yup

    #21 Makes them feel important. Especially with racist undertones.

  24. Kangaroo

    She looks ‘great’ because she has her legs, a$$ and stomach covered up.

  25. e

    less nuptials = more partay!!!!!!!!!1

  26. cc

    So that guy got his vision back? That’s great!

  27. Lil Guido's

    Glad to see he sobered up

  28. boyingcruz

    “a melty pile of drunken penis hurt”

    your words are so beautiful, superfish

  29. Wow she is way better looking now.

  30. NEXT.....

    He found out she had more plastic than his Corvette….

  31. While details are sketching as to what happened between Tara Reid and Internet entrepreneur Michael Axtmann, it doesn’t look like those two are getting hitched anytime soon. Tara issued a brief statement

  32. I haven’t seen her in public for a while and I must say she looks really good. So normally dressed but still beautiful.

  33. captain america

    there are other options to fool americans.

  34. couple things.. these photos of her look pretty good actually.. is she all cleaned up? 2nd, she’s only 34 .. really? yea, wedding called off, didn’t see that comin.

  35. Nero

    What!? Does that mean that i still didn’t get rid of Tara Reid!?

  36. holy shitted panties

    That first picture of her is unrecognizable! This is what happens when pretty girls mess with perfection and get plastic surgery.

  37. cellphone

    surprisingly,she doesn’t look bad at all in these pics.

  38. dee

    whatever…as long as she doesnt reproduce.

  39. AMO

    No, more like surprised when I heard she WAS getting married.

  40. kadmier

    no matter what people may say i still admire you , if i can get more infor about you then it will be OK, because i am still single looking for talented star like you

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