Tara Reid is not an alcoholic, seriously

January 15th, 2008 // 103 Comments

Tara Reid stayed true to herself and got shit-faced at Mahiki nightclub in London last night. People don’t understand that she needs to drink to perform everyday functions. That doesn’t make her an alcoholic. Not even close. That just makes Tara Reid awesome enough to pee in the ashtray of this SUV she rolled into. Or was that her shoe? Either way, she’s ashing her smoke in it. Now who wants to see some tits? Eh, you in the front seat, I know you do. Aw, you’re crying. That’s so sweet.

Photos: Pacific Coast News
superficial

  1. pointandlaugh

    SECOND!!

  2. Ript1&0

    Yeah, Tara had a way better time than I did last night for sure. Fortunately I still have better mornings.

    I can also see my reflection enough not to wear the fucking ridiculous shit she is. But then again, I don’t have any money, so…. I guess we are equal. Her = drunk and rich. Me = not drunk and not rich. Wait. That doesn’t add up.

  3. Thanks for the tit pics Fish. Lunch is now all over my monitor. Now it looks like spaghetti is hanging from her nose.

  4. Nero666

    Long Live HCOJ you dildos!!!

    I’d still do her by the way!!

  5. Anonymous

    Hey Dating Website Troll:

    Hi there, I’m a loser with no life. I’m paid $3.50 per hour to post idiotic drivel, directing you to some lame dating website that takes your money and gives you nothing in return. I have no job, so I sit around all day and post this garbage on as many websites as I can under many different aliases. I don’t have any friends, so I must rely on these moronic posts to make myself feel better about myself. My mother hates me and dropped me on my head as a child. You can find me at I’mAnIdiotTrollWithNoLifeAndShouldBeKilled.com
    I heard Jamie Lynn Spears met her older man, I mean match, at this site.

    Richromances.com and all those other fucking dating sites that get spammed around here are all registered to this asshole. Du Qiang ecomfun@aol.com 800 West El Camino Real, #180 Mountain View, California 94040 United States 650-906-0405

  6. Matthew

    after she went to the bar tara reid went to SKYBAR!

  7. (upon seeing Tara) Note to diary: Jackpot!

  8. Addendum to #2

    you forgot sweety…she=pretty with nice snatch, you=hag with worn out cunt

  9. Ript1&0, that made me laugh so hard. Really. No joke.

  10. Gerald_Tarrant

    Maybe she just has the flu and isn’t feeling well so she took some Nyquil and some other cold remedies and the interaction made her light headed. Either that or she is a fucking boozing tramp who has had just a few dicks less than Tom Cruise in her ass. Yes, Tom is the champion of bottoms everywhere.

  11. my comment

    Sneakers and a fur coat?

  12. BunnyButt

    I think it’s wonderful how Tara has taken on the role of unofficial goodwill ambassador for the U.S. and is travelling around the world sharing the joys of American customs and culture with other societies. I’m really proud of her for not only raising the profile of Americans abroad, but for teaching citizens of other countries that Americans truly are superior to everyone else. I’m sure I’m not alone in this when I speculate that there’s probably a Nobel Peace Prize in her future. Way to go, girl! Keep up the good work!

  13. @7 I was wondering where you went troll..

  14. Bigheadmike

    I have got meet her…. She really likes booze.

  15. She’s an amateur. Everybody knows that if you’re going to drink enough liquor to fill a small hot tub, you have to snort enough blow to fill a small shoebox. Duh…

  16. Shallow Val

    I can’t even think of anything to say. Oh, I got one.

    By the first pic, I can see the alkie jowls the already forming. She’s going to be like Roz, (everyone know a “Roz”); the old checkout woman who’s 52, still dyes her hair black, has had all the capillaries in her nose broken and smokes “Pawl Mawls unfilte’d when evah she has a cawktail” which is every 1/4 hour on the 1/4 hour.

  17. Shallow Val

    15 SEE, even FRIST knows about drunk drinking etiquette.

  18. BunnyButt

    Val, you know my mom?!?!?

  19. Jumpin_J

    No talent, unappealing alcky. Why does anyone pay any attention to this has-been? Oh sorry, guess you have to be a “was” before you’re a “been”. My bad.

  20. jrz

    heh heh heh…she’s funny looking.

  21. The Office Whore

    I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, That’s as good as they’re going to feel all day..

  22. Gerald_Tarrant

    I agree with the whore. No, not Tara, the one posting here. I get funnier, stronger and better looking the more I drink. Women get better looking and more interesting the more I drink.

    I now understand why Tara drinks so much. She drinks to forget. If you had to see that face looking back at you every time you put your nose to the mirror, you’d drink too. Don’t judge her. She’s ugly, it’s not her fault. Blame her plastic surgeon.

  23. Ted from LA

    @21,
    You steal good lines.

  24. Amen to that office whore. Let’s go to lunch. Was thinking mimosa, but now am thinking straight up scotch…who’s got some blow?

  25. Shallow Val

    18 – Lil Bunny, is that youuuuuu?

  26. Ript1&0

    Wait – so I’m a hag with a worn out cunt now? That’s funny.

    I AM close to Tara’s age, I guess I’m getting up there, it’s true. My cunt, however, remains just as fresh and tasty as the morning’s honeydew.

  27. Gerald_Tarrant

    Mmmmmm, honeydew taste and a glaze on my face. There’s no stopping me now.

  28. Gerald_Tarrant

    And I personally don’t believe Tara even brings her vagina out with her anymore. It would just slow her down, draggin behind her, collecting trash and foot prints as she stumbled through the clubs.

  29. The Office Whore

    It’s that time FRIST!!! Alcohol, it’s so much more than just a breakfast drink!! Scotch it is…

    and now, a quote from Cliff Clavin-

    “A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

  30. BunnyButt

    Sure is, Val! Nice to see you.

  31. The Office Whore

    23- It’s Frank Sinatra. Nice to see you’re up on good quotes..

  32. Kingnitro

    My God, is there ANY young actors/Actresses in Hollyweird that aren’t totally Fucked up?

  33. Nigga Loves Blondies

    Will some brother just blow a load in the little whore’s face and publicly (pubicly?) humiliate the little cunt?

  34. commish

    #33

    Impossible. She has no shame.

  35. She should be driving……

  36. @33~ dictionary.com
    don’t talk about blowing loads and not be able to comlete your sentence. It’s humiliating. To you.

  37. commish

    #35

    Yeah, but the stupid people always live.

  38. I would pound her hard. If she was a boy. 12 years old. And mute.

    Spinning my mustache grinning pedifilically.

  39. Binky

    “Hummm…did someone say ‘Scotch’ ?”

  40. woodhorse

    She doesn’t look drunk in the tits pictures but her tits do.

  41. Hey – wait a sec # 38 – I think we’re talkin’ a different ‘Deacon Jones’.

  42. D. Richards (Hands.)

    Give Tara twenty years; she’ll be wretched. Not that she’s happy to look at now. She’s not. But, holy fuck, twenty years from, hide your eyeballs. The sagging jowls you can even see now. Droopy.

    Maybe Tara’ll just spare us the nausea and die soon.

  43. havoc

    You realize that in most clubs around 2 a.m. that most chicks look exactly like this. You know the ones in the parking lot and puking Appletini’s between blowjobs.

    .

    .

  44. Tara

    “You look cute, you know that??? Hold on a sec….*burpluuuaaaaack*…wanna fuck?”

  45. Ted from LA

    Tara: Wheresh my furrrrrrrrrr? Oh, itz on my baaack. My eyeszz only go in one dirrkkshun. Am I going blind? Wheresh my shuburbon? Can I drive? Oh shit. I’ll just get in back here. Oh shittt, I fell over. The shurburdon is upside down. Are we in an accshident?

  46. D. Richards (Stiff.)

    Hey, Ript. Tell me about it! Mmm-Mmm good.

  47. King-Ding-A-Ling

    I dont know if this has been mentioned, but seeing how she doesnt need a drink or a shot every couple hours just to function means she’s not an alcoholic, well at least i dont think she does.

    It just seems she needs to get blitzed everytime she goes out, which is called a binge drinker. Im like this all the time. Its called blacking out and running with it. LOL

    Just wanted to clear that up for people that didnt know.

  48. amma

    #5 Anonymous–THANK YOU! YOU ROCK!

  49. deaconjones

    @38

    Well, you know you made it on the Superficial when you havent commented for a week and some fucker trolls you. If I had to guess, I’d say Tim…correct?

    And not to let him down, I would def. do her in the ass when she’s passed out, what do you think the guy in pic 4 is contemplating, BLAM!

  50. Italian Stallion

    Commish, that’s funny considering I was crushed by a cop car once when I was drunk. He ran a red light with no lights or sirens and I lived. So I guess your statement is true…………

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