Tara Reid almost knows how to count

January 3rd, 2007 // 51 Comments

First of all, who the fuck counts down New Years from 60? You start that shit at 10. And if you do decide to be an ass and do it from 60 then at least do it right. Don’t leave out random numbers and skip from 20 to 10. And then after counting down from 10 do it all over again because you realize you left out 19 through 11. She counts down from 10 twice. Twice! Does Tara Reid’s brain even function anymore? I get the feeling a mad scientist went in while she was sleeping and replaced it with a photo of a hamster running on a wheel.

Thanks to all bazillion of you who sent this in.

NOTE: Sorry for all the profanity and numbers. This post was brought to you by Angry Mathematician Man: he’s angry and he’s a mathematician. And yes, that guy in the video is Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite.

UPDATE: I must not have been listening closely enough the first time because there’s a lot more going on than just counting down from 10 twice. Listen again and again until the madness finally consumes you.


  1. shanonorato

    first? oh my god! my first time!

  2. JoBOO


  3. JoBOO


  4. JoBOO


  5. That’s fantastic. The guy’s expression kills me.

  6. BigJim

    Any man who types “first” has a small penis.

    Any woman who types “first” has only ever been fucked by a small penis.

    You people are pathetic.

  7. anoniem

    everything she knows about science and math she learned from her plastic surgeon

  8. Mushu

    I can’t stand people who write “first”. I HATE YOU ALL. You’re so annoying.

  9. wedgeone

    Hey Bugman4045, who posted
    “The site is falling apart. Why is it that the DrudgeReport has the news of drunken Tara Reid flubbing the New Year’s countdown and the Superficial doesn’t? This site is becoming more irrelevant every day.”

    This site isn’t irrelevant, just a step behind all the others. Happy now?

  10. On the bright side, Tara took 8 years to kill her career. Lohan is giong to do it in about 2 and Spears looks like she might have done it in 6 months!

  11. fishyfish

    Sweet Jesus — TR is one pathetic chick. I’m glad I skipped the party and instead stayed home and cried myself to sleep. This video is clear evidence that I made the right decision.

  12. amaritimer

    That is fucking priceless! Thank God breathing is an automatic thing because she’d be too stupid to remember to breathe. She is such a JOKE!! The worst thing is is that she’s got more money than most of us… even though she is a stupid, fucked-up, drunk cunt.

    Big Jim, I have to agree with you. I can’t stand the ‘FIRST’ fuckers either.

  13. blogista

    Are you on drugs, Angry Mathematician Man? Listen to the clip again:

    She counted down 10 to 0, SIX CONSECUTIVE TIMES starting at the one minute mark.

    Ridiculous, yes. What you said, no.

  14. Rose18

    what’s rhe big deal with the “first” thing anyway

  15. oye minearsehurtz

    so she was simply using scientific notation. well played, tara, well played.

  16. jojo

    Jesus…that was painful. I had to shut it off around 37. She either needs to start smoking ultra lights or just quit talking alltogether. she sounds like a man. or Courtney Love.

  17. JungleRed

    She might keep better track of the numbers if she tried pawing the ground with her hoof. Frankly I’m suprised she can count to 60.

  18. no one you know

    Got a kid threatening to drop out of school and become a homeless crack whore? Just show them this. It’ll scare em’ straight in a matter of, um, 48 seconds? That seems to cover all the numbers she missed.

  19. biatcho

    Who in their right mind allowed this flesh disease to host a party in their venue? Was it Carson Daly??

  20. BarbadoSlim

    Sisxhhhty, hihihihihi, sixsixsisssthy hihihihihihi, HAPPY TEQUILA err… hihihhihi new yeeeearshss!!!

  21. stoplookingatme

    How is it that she counts like a toddler and still managed to end the countdown pretty damn close to exactly on target? The whole incoherent countdown from 60 does indeed last 60 seconds… amazing!

  22. PapaHotNuts

    Tara Reid logged on the SF and posted 1st but she was actually 60th.

  23. Steph

    I…feel bad for her (almost). Either the system failed her or she’s more of a dumb whore than I can fathom. I learned how to count to 100 in french by the time I was 5, so I have trouble understanding how a 31 year old can’t count down from 60.

  24. Good to see she’s really off the ground and running with her new rehabbed image. The drunk, slutty, poor plastic surgery Tara is gone like ’06! All hail the new Tara – drunk, slutty, slightly improved plastic surgery but with an inability to count! And who’s bright idea was it to have Tara do the countdown in the first place? The only ball she should count down is the one going in her mouth for a teabag.

  25. RichPort

    I bet she’d get the numbers straight if she was counting the number of times I punched in the face after giving her a splooge ‘stache…

  26. LL

    This is the New Math we’ve heard about. It doesn’t matter how you get to 1, just as long as you eventually get there. Honestly, a regular countdown is effin’ boring, this is loads more entertaining. I think they should have her count down every year. I would watch that shit. And extra points if she can barf as the clock strikes twelve.

  27. misanthrope

    Just read elsewhere that she was actually *reading* the numbers! She didn’t even have to count! All she had to do was *read* the numbers. Guess the club didn’t want to chance her messing up the counting… er, uh, oh well.

  28. I counted 8 little boys last month.

  29. Pointandlaugh




    What a stupid beotch.

  30. I like the looks on everyone’s faces first at the stupidity of counting down from 60, then when they find out that now only can Tara not count, she can’t read either.

    Did I hear right…did she go from 41 to 20 in there somewhere? They should have just had her count down from 10 six times. Although she’d probably screw that up too.

  31. combustion8

    what kind of gay homo party was that anyway? I saw no women.

  32. MrSemprini

    Thirty First!

    Those who complain about the ones who write “First” have never been first.

    Poor babies…

  33. Niecy

    What a freakin idiot! If she was so drunk that she couldn’t remember how to count, she should have just counted down from 10 like everyone else does.

  34. checkyourshorts

    Now that Pedro is President, you’d think he’d get more smooches on New Year’s.

  35. Ah. Hmmm. That was the weirdest countdown to the new year I’ve ever heard. What a tard. My neighbors stupid dog can count better than that. And his plastic surgery came out way better too.

  36. B_rightside

    I’d like to see you count down from 60.

  37. Denimpetal

    MrSemprini, you are 32nd not 31st! Are you actually Tara Reid? If so, you can STOP COUNTING now

  38. RichPort

    #6. I heart you, BigJim. You are so big, and Jim-like, and you make my micro-schlong do a little happy dance.

  39. Kristin

    Lmfao. That was too good.

  40. coma12

    From the way it looked on the video, it was a sausage and meatball New Years party and Tara with the sauced.

  41. sing_blackbird_sing

    This is probably the gayest thing I have ever seen and back in my fag-hag day’s a friend showed me a video of a man inseting both arms up to the elbow simultaneously up another man’s rectum. This party looks even gayer

  42. NicotineEyePatch

    #41, your fisting synopsis actually sounds less painful than hearing her count to or from anything. I halfway expected to hear a few Rs or eleventies in there.
    Also, I think I saw the same movie you did a long time ago.

    The life lesson here seems to be: this is what happens when Mary Kay LeTourneau’s boyfriend throws a New Year’s Eve party.

  43. wedgeone

    #38 – FTLTC!
    So boring.

  44. Geez, I went to sleep at 11:35 and I had a better time!

  45. seattleite

    OMG that was hilarious!

  46. cole007

    I had to stop that halfway thru. I almost wanted to go straight-edge after that. good lord.

  47. gambitzero

    I think everyone should just leave Tara alone. I mean at least she wasn’t using letters instead of numbers (10, b, 5, g, d, 2, x, Happy New Yea…. Baaaarf)

  48. APINK

    That is possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. I almost died laughing when she went from 7 to 5.

  49. Wohoo! Possibly 49th!

    I am watching this 6 more times!

  50. yeah, counting was never a prerequisite for being ugly!

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