Haha! Someone Married Tara Reid

August 15th, 2011 // 51 Comments

Tara Reid was almost married last year, but that guy eventually sobered up long enough to realize he hadn’t proposed to a pile of Silly Putty like he always dreamed of and swiftly corrected course. Enter Danish businessman Michael Lilleund who I’m just going to assume lost all five senses in a horrible coke-snorting accident. Us Magazine reports:

Hours after becoming engaged to Danish businessman Michael Lilleund, the 35-year-old tied the knot in Greece Saturday.
“I just got engaged!” she tweeted. Just hours later, she informed her followers that she wasted no time walking down the aisle. “Just got married in Greece. I love being a wife.”

While I’ve always suspected half of Denmark’s population is secretly filled with cheese and the other with apricot causing heated conflicts and civil unrest, when I see the words “Danish businessman,” I tend to imagine someone with at least enough money to afford a wife whose vagina isn’t a piece of chewed up gum stapled to a Whoopee cushion. Then again, I’ve always been a bit of a racist that way.

MICHAEL: So, darling, how do we, uh, how do we have sex?
TARA: Hold on, I’m still filling this oven mitt full with lube. Can you pull my old vagina off? But not the duct tape! Sorry, should’ve been more specific. Gonna need it to slap this bad boy on- oh, fuck, the thumb’s leaking. Quick, I’ll just hold it! I love you!

(Exactly how that works.)

UPDATE: So apparently Tara didn’t marry this guy, but for the record, all that eerily accurate sex stuff still happened.

Photos: Getty, WENN

superficial

  1. rough

    Trick photography. NO? Then how comes he looks like exactly like Tara drag king-ing?

  2. Tara Reid Married Husband Michael Lilleund
    Loulou
    Commented on this photo:

    His parents must be super proud!

  3. Hangover and annulment in 3….2….1

  4. Cock Dr

    Good luck with that.

  5. I’m so happy she found love with Spencer Pratt’s stunt-double from “I’m a Celebrity — Get Me Out of here,” part III. And happier still that her fallopian tubes are so flooded with Dewar’s that this ride is temporarily closed.

  6. (say something nice, say something nice, say something nice…)

    I like his watch.

  7. quickrick

    dude must absolutely have a boob fetish… other than that, I don’t see anything positive on this chick…

    • That Bastard Tony

      too bad her boobs haven’t been nice since American Pie.

    • rough

      My guess is a celebrity fetish, considering Denmark has a concentration of one fugly chick per 400 square miles. For that reason alone they were occupied by “The Fuhrer”. Check your history, and check this guy’s motives. Congrats to the new couple.

      • rich bussiness man either from hot to average= celebrity fetish

        anything else= STALKER STALKER STALKER!!!!!!!

      • Fletch

        The only reason her boobs look good here is because they are covered up. They are a train wreck of scars. This chick was fine with what God gave her but she just had to have big ones. KARMA

  8. That Bastard Tony

    You know how many of us would feel if it were announced that Mila Kunis was getting married to some clod that was beneath her? Jealous, right? Well this is the exact opposite I feel about Tara getting married. Sympathy for the guy. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be happy, but I still have images of her deformed abs burned into my skull.

  9. Just a California Guy

    Never understood why she draws all the Hate.
    I always liked her and hope they are happy.
    Even with the bad boob job (now mostly fixed) she is way better looking then most women.

    • well the main thing with Tara was not just the bab boob job, also as “That Bastard Tony” will say with the deformed abs. but the boozing it up and gettig completely wasted. it wasn’t to the point of lindsay lohan. but enough.
      if she lost one almost marriage then i don’t think this one will last.
      and at 35 highly unlikely she will be the one who wants out. as a lot of women get desperate at even 30. and usually it doesn’t last. especially this quick unless they knew eachother for years then recently started to date.

    • Tom

      Never mind the bizarre ass/gut and the fact that her drug problems would make Ozzy blush.

  10. Tara Reid Married Husband Michael Lilleund
    Nard Dog
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like someone photoshopped his head 150% in size…

  11. zomgbie

    omg! she married brad pitt!!!!!!
    yay tara!!!!

  12. Richard McBeef

    Some guys likes tits, some guys like ass, some guys even like a smart woman for conversation. Obviously some guys just like the taste of stale cigarettes.

  13. TomFrank

    I don’t know where you get the idea that cheese and apricots would be at war with each other. There are some varieties of cheeses that are sold blended with apricots (Stilton, for example), and many recipés that combine the two (like apricot cheesecake). Also, this crumbled Danish blue cheese I bought recently came mixed with cranberries, so obviously the Danes have no problem with mixing cheese and fruit.

    • Plus the beer in Denmark is so fucking awesome that any fruit vs cheese rival gang fights would be cut short at the start. Beer goes with everything and ties everything together. It’s …its….like liquid bacon. Yeah.

  14. Tara Reid Married Husband Michael Lilleund
    CANTSTOPSTARING
    Commented on this photo:

    Money for sex! Hahaha! I love being a wife!

  15. Tara Reid Married Husband Michael Lilleund
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    They have one thing in common, at least: neither of them should wear anything sheer.

  16. villenuv27

    That dude has a huge head.

  17. Tara Reid Married Husband Michael Lilleund
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Redefining “lesbian beard.”

  18. Miklos

    FAKE REPORT

    Tara didn’t marry this guy as he is in Hamptons right now and hasn’t seen her sin february (when he saw her naked and ran I assume).

    Danish version: http://starlounge.dk.msn.com/gallery.aspx?cp-documentid=158862851

    English version: http://bit.ly/n9BJQG

    • kudos to you. i believe this is the second time Tara has done this. although the first time in marrying someone.

      this time you can not blame Fish.

      Fish: take note on Tara Reid. research before doing a story on her. and next time she does get “married” either try to confirm it or post a possible marriage or lead in a big movie.

    • Jimmy

      Her Twitter feed says she married someone name Zack Kehayov

    • FamousPlastic.com

      I can’t believe he married her, then flew to New York after she passed out in order to deny it…That is awesome!

  19. Jon

    Title says it all.

  20. Jimmy

    Her eyes look dead

  21. FamousPlastic.com

    The title to this story couldn’t be any more accurate…Or hilarious. haha

  22. Clarence Beeks

    Seriously, who the fuck marries Tara Reid?

  23. Maria

    It’s not Michael that she married. I’m Danish and he’s been very clear in our media that he hasn’t seen her since February and is definitely not the guy she’s married to. So the plot thickens…

    • Man, how drunk do you have to be to:
      a) imagine this actually happened
      b) think people will actually buy this
      c) think this is a good career-furthering move

      As for her “representatives” who are now silent, how desperate are these guys that they’d have her for a client?
      They say there’s no such thing as bad publicity. “They” are wrong.

  24. Dan

    If I had to guess I would say this is not going to play out well… but maybe I am wrong.

    Good luck guys!

  25. Tara Reid Married Husband Michael Lilleund
    Lady
    Commented on this photo:

    Her right ta ta is huge!

  26. Let me summarize Tara Reid’s twitters for the week so we can get on with our lives:
    “I just got engaged!”
    “Just got married in Greece”
    “I love being a wife.”
    “I just ate a whole tray of baklava…goodbye beach body, hello sweatpants”
    “men are jerks!”
    “Just got divorced in Greece!”
    “I love being single!”
    “I’m so fsking drunk, I thinng i shyt mysolf”

  27. Tara Reid Married Husband Michael Lilleund
    j.j.
    Commented on this photo:

    wow. she actually looks great.

  28. HAHAAHAAAAAHA! … “While I’ve always suspected half of Denmark’s population is secretly filled with cheese and the other with apricot causing heated conflicts and civil unrest”

  29. Name

    Hahahahahahaha. A little *ugh* sex with notoriously sleazy woman may be nice for a second, but not for life…and he calls himself a businessman, ha! He just got played.

  30. ganjiki

    I have to salute any person who comes up with a statement like: piece of chewed up gum stapled to a Whoopee cushion. Godawesome!!!!

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