Tania Marie Is Probably a Bad Lifeguard

Today was a pretty slow day for gossip news. Nobody that relevant was called out for sexual harassment, all hot-mess/loose cannon lady celebs remained moderately clothed, and Lindsay Lohan’s boyfriend hasn’t shared her location lately. Still, doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun with some 138 Water babes pretending they know how to do things they can’t.

Here we have Tania Marie doing her best Wendy Peffercorn impression. If you’re too young to get that reference, then perhaps your senses haven’t been dulled by years of hardcore porn saturation and photos of a woman in a bikini can still do something for you. If so, congrats — I hope they figure out the free college thing by the time you get there.

Also…

I chose not to cover Mario Batali’s sexual harassment allegations because he looks like the kind of fat, sweaty dude that would pull that shit. Someone else did, did though. [IDLY]

Tom Hanks is right about how we should view the work left behind from Hollywood harassers. [PageSix]

People freaked out because one of the Duggar baby makers posted a picture of her kissing her husband. Lawd help us! [Celebuzz!]

Cindy Crawford walked to her car today and it made it on the Internet. Fame is weird. [DrunkenStepfather]

Anthony Scaramucci met with Dr. Phil and will probably get a talk show soon because stay-at-home moms weirdly fetishize him. [EvilBeet]

50 Cent went nuts and powerbombed a mixer on stage. [HHMW]

Just a reminder that our President has probably done far worse than Roy Moore. [TMZ]

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