Posts tagged "X-Men: First Class"

January Jones Birthed Her Bastard

After five years, by my count, January Jones has finally birthed her illegitimate child forged in a hotbed of adultery and whatever you call stuff (theoretically) behind Claudia Schiffer’s back. People reports:

Mad Men star January Jones, 33, welcomed her first child on Tuesday, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.
Son Xander Dane…

By: The Superficial / September 15, 2011

‘X-Men: First Class’ is on DVD, If Only Someone Handsome Wrote A Review…

“I’m the father? What does that even me- Aw, fuck.”

X-Men: First Class hit DVD/Blu-ray/OnDemand/Live Puppet Theater in My Basement today, so for those of you wondering if you should waste two hours and 12 minutes of your time giving it a whirl this weekend, Daddy’s gotcha covered:

They Should’ve Called

By: The Superficial / September 9, 2011

Damon Lindelof Regrets Telling The Truth About January Jones

(Trivia: If you look carefully at her cameltoe, you’ll see the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42.)

Thanks to a painfully slow news day, Lost creator Damon Lindelof’s tweet regarding January Jones’ acting in X-Men: First Class, or lack thereof to be exact, spread like wildfire yesterday prompting him to issue…

By: The Superficial / June 8, 2011

Damon Lindelof: ‘January Jones Can’t Act’

“I’d be so angry right now if I were capable of human emotion.”

Lost creator Damon Lindelof has officially joined the distinguished ranks of Ashton Kutcher and myself – Wait, what? I want out. Let me out! She can act! OH, GOD, LET ME OUT! – and tweeted his opinion of January Jones’…

By: The Superficial / June 7, 2011

They Should’ve Called It ‘Boob Diamond.’
A Review of ‘X-Men: First Class’

[Short Version: This happens a lot. The End.]

Welcome to The Superficial review of X-Men: First Class which I might have said would be “dorkishly, tit-free” ala the Thor review, but that was before I knew January Jones’ cleavage is the diamondy heart that holds this movie together in spite of her acting…

By: The Superficial / June 4, 2011

January Jones Probably Has Matthew Vaughn’s Baby in Her (UPDATE: Or Not.)

It’s starting to become more and more likely that X-Men: First Class director Matthew Vaughn cheated on his wife Claudia Schiffer by sticking a baby in January Jones who kept it for reasons we’re still not sure of, but early speculation points to she’s a bitch. Anyway, apparently Matthew and Claudia bailed on a Beverly…

By: The Superficial / May 26, 2011

January Jones Looks Like Hell

Here’s January Jones doing her best Darryl Hannah on drugs impression at the premiere “cast screening” of X-Men: First Class last night, and I swear to God, I don’t even know why she was invited. It’s like she’s trying to torpedo the entire movie. If she’s not awkwardly showing up to promotional events with the…

By: The Superficial / May 26, 2011

January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Dude

“I’ll send this one to his wife. I just know we’ll be besties!”

As we continue to delve deeper into January Jones’ baby-hole, The Daily now reports that the mysterious gunmen on the grassy vagina is married making him one of way too many people to list from the cast or crew of…

By: The Superficial / May 19, 2011

An X-Men Knocked Up January Jones

Seen here leaving the house without a scarlet “A” on her chest yesterday – BLASPHEMER! – the Who Ejaculated Into January Jones’ Ovulating Uterus Without Protection? Mystery just took another step toward Not Jason Sudeikis, according to E! News:

Although most recently linked to SNL actor Jason Sudeikis, January and Jason split i…

By: The Superficial / May 10, 2011

‘X-Men: First Class’ Has a Trailer and Other News

EMMA FROST: So what’s your mutant power?
KEVIN BACON: I look like I’m ejaculating in my pants around topless diamond chicks.
EMMA FROST: Groovy.

(Sold.)

- Jon Hamm reading a passage on buttholes. True story. [Lainey Gossip]

- Arnold Schwarzenegger will finally make the long-awaited sequel to…

By: The Superficial / February 11, 2011

January Jones as Emma Frost and Other News

- Lady GaGa almost Tim McGraw’d a bitch. [Popeater]

- Tom Cruise might be expecting. Don’t quote me on that. [Dlisted]

- Katy Perry still has huge breasts and is therefore extremely important. Oh, thank God. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Jessica Simpson is somehow meatier than Lady GaGa’s new bikini.

By: The Superficial / September 8, 2010