Posts tagged "X-Men: First Class"

January Jones Birthed Her Bastard

After five years, by my count, January Jones has finally birthed her illegitimate child forged in a hotbed of adultery and whatever you call stuff (theoretically) behind Claudia Schiffer's back. People reports: Mad Men star January Jones, 33, welcomed her first child on Tuesday, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.
By: The Superficial / September 15, 2011

‘X-Men: First Class’ is on DVD, If Only Someone Handsome Wrote A Review…

"I'm the father? What does that even me- Aw, fuck." X-Men: First Class hit DVD/Blu-ray/OnDemand/Live Puppet Theater in My Basement today, so for those of you wondering if you should waste two hours and 12 minutes of your time giving it a whirl this weekend, Daddy's gotcha covered: They Should’ve Called It ‘Boo…
By: The Superficial / September 9, 2011

Damon Lindelof Regrets Telling The Truth About January Jones

(Trivia: If you look carefully at her cameltoe, you'll see the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42.) Thanks to a painfully slow news day, Lost creator Damon Lindelof's tweet regarding January Jones' acting in X-Men: First Class, or lack thereof to be exact, spread like…
By: The Superficial / June 8, 2011

Damon Lindelof: ‘January Jones Can’t Act’

"I'd be so angry right now if I were capable of human emotion." Lost creator Damon Lindelof has officially joined the distinguished ranks of Ashton Kutcher and myself - Wait, what? I want out. Let me out! She can act! OH, GOD, LET ME OUT! - and…
By: The Superficial / June 7, 2011

They Should’ve Called It ‘Boob Diamond.’
A Review of ‘X-Men: First Class’

[Short Version: This happens a lot. The End.] Welcome to The Superficial review of X-Men: First Class which I might have said would be "dorkishly, tit-free" ala the Thor review, but that was before I knew January Jones' cleavage is the diamondy heart that holds this movie together in spite of…
By: The Superficial / June 4, 2011

January Jones Probably Has Matthew Vaughn’s Baby in Her (UPDATE: Or Not.)

It's starting to become more and more likely that X-Men: First Class director Matthew Vaughn cheated on his wife Claudia Schiffer by sticking a baby in January Jones who kept it for reasons we're still not sure of, but early speculation points to she's a bitch. Anyway, apparently Matthew and Claudia bailed…
By: The Superficial / May 26, 2011

January Jones Looks Like Hell

Here's January Jones doing her best Darryl Hannah on drugs impression at the premiere "cast screening" of X-Men: First Class last night, and I swear to God, I don't even know why she was invited. It's like she's trying to torpedo the entire movie. If she's not awkwardly showing up to promotional…
By: The Superficial / May 26, 2011

January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Dude

"I'll send this one to his wife. I just know we'll be besties!" As we continue to delve deeper into January Jones' baby-hole, The Daily now reports that the mysterious gunmen on the grassy vagina is married making him one of way too many people to list from the cast…
By: The Superficial / May 19, 2011

An X-Men Knocked Up January Jones

Seen here leaving the house without a scarlet "A" on her chest yesterday - BLASPHEMER! - the Who Ejaculated Into January Jones' Ovulating Uterus Without Protection? Mystery just took another step toward Not Jason Sudeikis, according to E! News: Although most recently linked to SNL actor Jaso…
By: The Superficial / May 10, 2011

‘X-Men: First Class’ Has a Trailer and Other News

EMMA FROST: So what's your mutant power? KEVIN BACON: I look like I'm ejaculating in my pants around topless diamond chicks. EMMA FROST: Groovy. (Sold.) - Jon Hamm reading a passage on buttholes. True story. [Lainey Gossip] - Arnold Schwarzenegger will finally make the long-awaited sequel to Junior. […
By: The Superficial / February 11, 2011

January Jones as Emma Frost and Other News

- Lady GaGa almost Tim McGraw'd a bitch. [Popeater] - Tom Cruise might be expecting. Don't quote me on that. [Dlisted] - Katy Perry still has huge breasts and is therefore extremely important. Oh, thank God. [Hollywood Tuna] - Jessica Simpson is somehow…
By: The Superficial / September 8, 2010