Posts tagged "Wladimir Klitschko"

A Child Has Shed Its Hayden Panettiere Cocoon

Fun Fact: This pic is from August. Four months ago August. She's dead. She died. In defiance of the laws of physics, Hayden Panettiere gave birth to a baby girl, Kaya Evdokia, last Tuesday, according to PEOPLE, who spoke very little about Hayden's current state because housewives don't want to read about a severed torso…

By: The Superficial / December 15, 2014

How Is Hayden Panettiere’s Baby Not Kicking Through Her Stomach Already?

Because I'm still trying to work myself up to write about Gary Oldman, here's an increasingly pregnant (IN THE BEWWWBBSS!1) Hayden Panettiere in Italy over the weekend which I was going to post yesterday but got distracted by such pressing topics as who's grooming Miley Cyrus' vagina and Wiener-Tuck: A Rich Man's Game. So enjoy…

By: The Superficial / June 24, 2014

Hayden Panettiere Has A Giant’s Baby Inside Of Her

Her: "WHYYYYYY?! WHY DID I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME?! OH GOD, IT'S CRUSHING MY LIVER! IT'S SIX-WEEKS-OLD HANDS ARE CRUSHING MY LIVER! MIDGETS AND GIANTS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO PROCREATE! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY, GOD! YOU WERE RIGHT! YOU WERE RIGHT AND WE DEFIED YOUR LAWS! WE DEFIED THEM LIKE FOOLS! WHY CAN'T I…

By: The Superficial / May 28, 2014

Hayden Panettiere Thinks Her Body Can Survive Birthing Wladimir Klitschko’s Giant Children

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "Hayden, we had sex two days ago." "I know. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hayden Panettiere's in the latest issue of Glamour where she opens up about her intense desire to be a mother which I don't even need to make a snarky comment about because here's the size of her fiance and here's the size of her

By: The Superficial / April 3, 2013

Hayden Panettiere Loves Giant Penis So Much She’s Marrying It (Not A Jon Hamm Post)

Presumably to make Scotty McKnight feel like he has the smallest penis in the world, Hayden Panettiere not only ran back to Wladimir Klitschko but is now secretly engaged to him, according to Us Weekly: Hayden Panettiere and boxer Wladimir Klitschko are going the distance during round 2! The Nashville star, who reconciled with her…

By: The Superficial / March 27, 2013

Hayden Panettiere’s Experiment With Normal Sized Penis is Over

Posted by Photo Boy Hayden Panettiere thought she would be just fine bouncing from Wladimir Klitschko to Scotty McKnight. But now that's ended as well and I'd like to just say, I saw this coming. TMZ: Sources tell us ... the two broke up a couple of weeks ago ... but it wasn't a nasty…

By: Photo Boy / December 11, 2012

Hayden Panettiere is Single, Too

Because it's Break-Up Day on The Superficial, Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko apparently got sick of answering questions about how his penis doesn't murder her and have released separate statements announcing their separation. Hers via the Shire Thain, and his by courier from Jotunheim, land of the Frost Giants. People reports: "Even though we've decided…

By: The Superficial / May 12, 2011

Hayden Panettiere Wants That Giant Sex

Hayden Panettiere might only be 5'1" but that's not about to stop her from letting 6'6" Wladimir Klitschko essentially blend her uterus with his giant penis. I know I'm making that sound really romantic, so here's Hayden explaining it to Ellen DeGeneres because there's a person who doesn't fear penis enough as it is. Via…

By: The Superficial / April 12, 2011

Hayden Panettiere is Still Banging a Giant and Other News

- Jerry Seinfeld realizes he's responsible for The Marriage Ref, right? Just checking. [Popeater] - Megan Fox's... ass? Maybe. Don't quote me on that. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW] - Danielle Staub's face implant singing. [Dlisted] - Emmy Rossum in leg warmers > Megan Fox's "ass." [Hollywood Tuna] - Kristen Stewart is corsety. [Lainey Gossip] -

By: The Superficial / June 22, 2010

Hayden Panettiere’s boyfriend likes little boys

Here's Hayden Panettiere at some Earth Day event for the release of Avatar because 500 inevitable DVD versions of the same film is great for the environment. Anyway, in somehow the most pervasive news item of the day, Hayden cut her hair short then stood next to a Navi on stilts to further exemplify her…

By: The Superficial / April 23, 2010