Weston Cage


More Weston Cage stories

Weston Cage is Single, Ladies. And Apparently Your Daddy.

“Wait, aren’t you the babysitter who kicked my ass? — Can we go to McDonald’s?”

Despite her awesome, huge breasts, Weston Cage has officially divorced his wife Nikki Williams after six months of marriage which still makes two crazy alcoholics who beat the fuck out of each other more genuinely in love than… More »

Weston Cage Has A Reality Show Now

When we last left Weston Cage he was following up his whirlwind tour of getting his ass kicked by every virtually person in his vicinity including himself by checking into rehab to become an action star and prove he’s not crazy. Well, apparently that didn’t last very long, because now he’s filming a reality show… More »

Weston Cage Checked Into Rehab To Become An Action Star. Okay, Sure.

“So what my film pre-supposes is, maybe getting your ass kicked means you’re not crazy.”

After finally winning/losing his first fight, albeit against himself, Weston Cage has checked back into rehab for reasons that reveal his mom Christina Fulton is just as fucking crazy as he is which raises serious questions about the… More »

Weston Cage Arrested For Kicking His Own Ass Now. Why Not?

Weston Cage’s wife of only four months Nikki Williams has huge breasts so you’d just assume he’d be doing everything in his power to have sex with them as much as possible. Things like, I dunno, not doing karate on the sidewalk every time the paparazzi go, “Hey, look, it’s Nicolas Cage’s batshit son!” Then… More »

Weston Cage is Doing Karate For The Paparazzi Again

“I’ll drop-kick you yet, Smurf that only I can see!”

While most of us wake up, grab a cup of coffee and prepare to work for a living, Weston Cage apparently starts his days by doing karate for the paparazzi now. Which is probably better than his usual routine of drinking until Satan’s… More »

Weston Cage Did Karate Outside of a Restaurant

Taking a page from Mel Gibson’s Guide to Crazy Fighting – “Remember, your opponent might be invisible, and that’s where they hide the blowjobs.” – Weston Cage and his freshly shaven-head put on a karate show for the paparazzi last night because he really needs people to believe he’s a skilled martial artist who can… More »

Weston Cage’s Wife is Pregnant, Admits Drinking Night She Kicked His Ass

Like every good Weston Cage story worth its weight in crazy, the tale of his wife kicking his ass has taken a twist. Not only does she admit she’s pregnant, but was drinking Sunday night when she went after him with a wine bottle, but don’t worry, they’re already back in rehab. TMZ reports:
More »

Weston Cage Really Likes Facebook, And, Oh Yeah, His Wife’s Pregnant

When she rested her boobs on the balcony, that’s when he knew he had to marry her for only three months then get punched in the face 13 times by his babysitter. It was destiny…

Like all goth, death-, speed-, black-, druid-, sassafras-, whatever the fuck-metal kids, Weston Cage loves throwing a pity… More »

Weston Cage’s Wife Kicked His Ass Now

On Sunday night, Weston Cage claimed that the 13 punches to the face he took from his babysitter only happened because he was one drink short of death and took a cheap shot to the balls, according to TMZ:

He says that if he had a few more drinks, his “loyal and beautiful… More »

So The Weston Cage Story is Entirely Different Now

When the Weston Cage getting his face punched-in 13 times story first broke, initial reports suggested he got into a dispute with his personal trainer who wouldn’t let him order something at a restaurant. Turns out it wasn’t his trainer but a man named Kevin Villegas who’s paid by Nicolas Cage to keep an eye… More »

Page 1 of 2