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Jessica Simpson’s Breasts Won The White House Correspondents’ Dinner

In honor of Bill Clinton, we’re going to get in and out of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner as soon as I figure out where its vagina is so I can stash this cigar. (Also, Barack Obama didn’t make with the weekly handjobs so I’d denounce Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior. That’s… More »


Jessica Simpson Isn’t Even Hiding It (UPDATE: And Now We Know Why)

Here’s Jessica Simpson in New York this morning – still wearing the same top and pants from the weekend (Net worth: $1 billion) – where she’s entirely given up trying to hide her stomach that experts now say is six months pregnant. Of course, she’s probably only three-to-four, but this wouldn’t be a Jessica Simpson… More »


I Wonder How Jessica Simpson Will React to Tony Romo’s Wedding…

The Timeline:

May 28, 2011Tony Romo marries Candice Crawford in Dallas, TX. Three-tier cupcake stands are involved.
May 29, 2011People magazine announces the wedding.
May 31, 2011Jessica Simpson turns up at Chili’s.

Jesus, it’s like clockwork. If I were Swiss, I’d have a… More »


Tony Romo Got Engaged

“Take me to butter. And step on it.”

While news of an engagement was falsely reported a year ago in what I can only assume was an effort to inflate Rocky Road futures, Tony Romo officially proposed to his girlfriend Candice Crawford yesterday, according to Us Magazine:

Dating since September 2009,… More »


So That’s Why Tony Romo’s So Brittle…

I’m from Texas, I like everything fried, which is the really unfortunate thing. My relationship with food? I want it when I’m sad. When I’m happy, I don’t think much about it. But I do like to go out on a date for a good dining experience. It’s important not to say, ‘I can’t have… More »


Tiger Woods f-cked Jessica Simpson

Because Star Magazine remembered there’s a picture of Tiger Woods and Jessica Simpson together, here’s a story about them having sex behind Tony Romo’s back:

Just days before Jessica’s split with Tony Romo, she had a sizzling meeting with the fallen golf star at the AT&T National Pro-Am golf tournament in Bethesda, Md.
More »


Jessica Simpson is going to eat the world

So remember last year when Jessica Simpson blew up over the holidays leading the whole world to believe she ate Santa Clause? Imagine that same scenario but adding Tony Romo getting engaged to Candice Crawford. Yeah…

I’ll be forging documents naming me the rightful owner of Ben & Jerry’s if anyone needs… More »


Jessica Simpson’s weight mocked by FOX NFL

Burger King and FOX essentially teamed up to harpoon, I mean lampoon, Jessica Simpson’s weight in a skit that ran on this past weekend’s FOX NFL Sunday. You can scope out the video after the jump then decide what you hate more: Horribly written fat jokes or people who blatantly videotape their TV screens… More »


Tony Romo finds replacement for Jessica Simpson

Tony Romo is dating 22-year-old Miss Missouri 2008 Candice Crawford who also happens to be the sister of Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford. So you know he’s not going to do anything about it except aloofly look into the camera. Us Magazine reports:

“She’s not happy that it’s out [in the media], but… More »


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