TomKat Divorce

Tom Cruise Never Said He Was Surprised By Divorce, Tom Cruise Knows Everything

Earlier in the week, Tom Cruise was quoted as saying he was surprised by his divorce from Katie Holmes and that sometimes “life is a challenge” and you need to have a “sense of humor.” Which sound like safe, bland quotes about a not-too-recent divorce until you realize you’re dealing with a man whose religion… More »

Paul Haggis Confirms Scientology Was ‘Auditioning’ Girlfriends For Tom Cruise

“Before you send the first one over, does this angle make me look like I love vagina? Because I do, I love it. Even the tentacles.”

If you had nothing better to do this weekend, you probably caught the Vanity Fair piece touting their upcoming expose into the Church of Scientology’s failed attempts… More »

Katie Holmes Has No Idea What To Do With Herself

With Tom Cruise whisking Suri Cruise off to Disney World so he can secretly set her to ‘Matricide’ inside Space Mountain and his team of bodyguards no longer surrounding Katie Holmes so she doesn’t speak, think or come in contact with Thetan-contaminated surfaces, here she is yesterday with a shitload of free time on our… More »

Katie Holmes Gave Interview One Day Before Filing For Divorce From Tom Cruise

Everyone’s freaking out today over Katie Holmes giving an interview with C Magazine the day before she filed for divorce from Tom Cruise even though she really doesn’t say anything revelatory outside of refusing to mention his name and chalking up having a kid with the largest movie star on the planet as “Eh.” Via… More »

Tom Cruise Sped Through New York To Get Suri To A Helicopter? Oh… Oh, Shit

“They told me I have to thank you in advance for lifting the chopper in the air with your mind or I don’t get paid.”

Tom Cruise was apparently involved in a high-speed chase through Manhattan while taking Suri to his private helicopter yesterday, yet everyone seems to be remarkably calm about KatieMore »

Tom Cruise Controls The Suri Now

“So I know you’re probably thinking I went and got you that puppy, but, wow, how do I put this? Your mom’s got a lotta shit on me.”

Even though Katie Holmes got basically everything she wanted in the divorce settlement, there was no way she’d get Tom Cruise to agree to completely… More »

Katie Holmes In Car Accident After Suri Didn’t Get A Puppy DAMIEN! CHANGE HER NAME TO DAMIEN!

Here’s Katie Holmes telling Suri she can’t have a puppy.
Here’s Katie Holmes’ Mercedes after a garbage truck slammed into it hours later.
And here’s an article about the highest practitioners of Scientology possessing the power of telekinesis.

I’m sure none of that’s related.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash NewsMore »

So Katie Holmes Is Changing Suri’s Name Now

Probably because her name means “Daddy has lot of friends that are boys and if you see them taking showers together, give mommy two sleepy pills instead of one” in Xenu-ese, Katie Holmes is reportedly changing Suri Cruise’s name because let’s just assume her part of the divorce settlement reads, “Can do whatever she wants… More »

Here’s How Gangster Katie Holmes Is

While Scientology tries to make Tom Cruise look like he wanted the divorce because he’s a born-and-bred pussy-slayer that can’t be tied down, reports based on reality continue to portray Katie Holmes’s escape like the episode of The Wire it is. Bitch was using a burner! Via The LA Times:

Katie Holmes set… More »

Tom Cruise Left Katie Holmes For Another Woman, What An Entirely Believable Narrative

“Tom Cruise, did you just ask me if I have a penis?”
“Haha, yeah…”

When Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise we were lead to believe she completely blind-sided him leaving him “devastated.” (Which she did by the way because this thing was like an escape from goddamn Alcatraz. More… More »

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