Posts tagged "Tom Cruise"

Tom Cruise Hasn’t Seen Suri In A Year

Question: How is Tom Cruise not being around a bad thing?

By: The Superficial / April 7, 2015

Flying Space Jesus Has A New Trailer

'Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation' has a trailer which is not about Sarah Palin. Goddammit.

By: The Superficial / March 23, 2015

Suppressive Person? What? Scientology Loves Katie Holmes LOL

Scientology doesn't know where Katie Holmes is getting this suppressive person talk from. They love his ex-wives! Even Mimi Rogers who everyone forgets about.

By: The Superficial / March 19, 2015

Katie Holmes & Jamie Foxx Caught Holding Hands, Are Totally Doing It

Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were holding hands? THEY FUCKIN'.

By: The Superficial / March 18, 2015

Angelina Jolie Is A ‘Minimally Talented Spoiled Brat': The Sony Emails

I work in the media, so it's easy to forget that people actually live rich, full lives (Sometimes even outdoors. The actual outside!) where they don't obsess over the tiniest minutiae like studio infighting and how badly Aaron Sorkin wants to feel Tom Cruise shove an iPhone 6 up his ass. Which brings me to…

By: The Superficial / December 10, 2014

Jared Leto’s Penis Is A Massive Roman Guard

In an interview with FrontiersLA, Alexis Arquette revealed that not only did she have sex with Jared Leto, but it was back when she was still Robert Arquette and that Jared's dick apparently looks like a giant feathered helmet which can't be healthy. One time, mine looked like Ant-Man's mask and doctors only gave me…

By: The Superficial / August 20, 2014

Laura Prepon Denies Dating Tom Cruise, Claims Scientology Isn’t Homophobic

Last week, Laura Prepon was linked (again) to Tom Cruise except in two new interviews to promote the second season of Orange Is The New Black, which she almost wasn't apart of for reasons that now sound even shadier, she denies dating him while making sure to stick to the Scientology talking points that he'…

By: The Superficial / April 23, 2014

Holy Shit, Tom Cruise Really Did Buy Hot Donna With His Space Money

When you're the Planetary Prince-Regent of Adamanthium 7, you get only the finest quimmelwidgets to galactic shazzlebang your norfbong. It's practically your birthright. Which is why the rumors are true that Tom Cruise has chosen fellow Scientologist Laura Prepon to be the new slave-bride he makes people believe he has heterosexual relations with under the…

By: The Superficial / April 17, 2014

Hot Donna Is Dating Tom Cruise

Posted by Photo Boy Ever since I saw her naked in Orange Is The New Black, then again in Lay The Favorite (Shut the fuck up, it was on Netflix, and I was drunk.), I've had a profound and deep respect for Laura Prepon as a person. Sure, she was always Hot Donna on That

By: Photo Boy / November 27, 2013

LITTLE PEOPLE FIGHT!

Tom Cruise found himself in some shit over the weekend after making some poor, albeit slightly out of context, statements equating acting to serving in Afghanistan. Naturally, this left him open to criticism except from say another actor who claimed he could've stopped 9/11 with his fists where an Israeli Special Forces officer could not.

By: The Superficial / November 13, 2013

Happy Veterans Day! Tom Cruise Says Acting Is Just Like Serving In Afghanistan

Left to right, Sergeant Thomas Mapother, UAF Volleyball Brigade, with Private Johnathan Depp, 82nd Bolo Tie Division. While I watch elementary school kids (No Jacko.) sing a tribute to veterans this morning, here's Tom Cruise stepping in even more shit thanks to his $50 million lawsuit against In Touch. Which is what happens whenever Tom…

By: The Superficial / November 11, 2013

Tom Cruise Admits Katie Holmes Left Him Because of Scientology

"What am I doing? Not getting fisted by a futuristic exoskeleton that's for sure. E-meter?" Because Tom Cruise believes he's a levitating space Jesus, he occasionally finds himself in situations where he's certain he'll vanquish his enemies with an all-consuming pulsar of justice, but instead ends up looking a crazy person. Situations like suing In

By: The Superficial / November 8, 2013

The Church of Scientology Thinks Leah Remini Is A Threat To Tom Cruise

In a new interview, Leah Remini's sister Nicole reveals that despite the Church of Scientology's claims to the contrary, Leah's entire family has left the church after being forced to choose between her or their faith in a religion made up by a failed science fiction writer who let his wife take the fall for…

By: The Superficial / July 17, 2013

Tom Cruise Found A New Carbon-Based Lover

Tom Cruise brought a date to Jerry Bruckheimer's Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony yesterday because what's the point of an all-powerful, galactic space church if it can't force its slave women to pretend to be your girlfriend? More importantly, this one's shorter than Tom Cruise which means Scientology found a way to kidnap characters out…

By: The Superficial / June 25, 2013

Tom Cruise & David Beckham Played It Real Cool At Last Night’s Kings Game

Posted by Photo Boy Like all celebrities do during playoffs, Tom Cruise and David Beckham pretended to be huge fans of the sport and showed up for some awesome seats at last night's Kings v. Sharks game. Knowing next to nothing about sports, even I know nobody gives a shit about hockey. This certainly applie…

By: Photo Boy / May 29, 2013

Tom Cruise Never Said He Was Surprised By Divorce, Tom Cruise Knows Everything

Earlier in the week, Tom Cruise was quoted as saying he was surprised by his divorce from Katie Holmes and that sometimes "life is a challenge" and you need to have a "sense of humor." Which sound like safe, bland quotes about a not-too-recent divorce until you realize you're dealing with a man whose religio…

By: The Superficial / April 11, 2013

Now We’re Supposed To Believe Tom Cruise Is Banging Malin Akerman’s Sister. Her Female Sister.

Posted by Photo Boy Just a few months ago, the anti-gay rumor squad known as Tom Cruise's PR team squeezed out a log made entirely of these lies. But since Cameron Diaz is a full three feet taller than him and would never let him be a bottom, we've now got another completely believable story…

By: Photo Boy / December 20, 2012

Tom Cruise Sprayed Jimmy Fallon With His Gun, His Big Powerful Gun. Dudes Do That.

Since we've seen Miley Cyrus get exactly what she wanted for her birthday, here's Tom Cruise getting an item from his Christmas list: A playful water fight with Jimmy Fallon in a faux military bunker that's really a fully-functioning butt sex planetarium complete with a bird's eye view of Xenu's Seven Planetary Orbs of Power.

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2012

Of Course Tom Cruise Won’t Press Charges Against These Sexy Eyes, He’s Not An Animal

On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise's neighbor house where he's been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: "Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you being dick-…

By: The Superficial / October 30, 2012

Tom Cruise Got Spanked By A Dude At Matt Damon’s Tranny Birthday Party

"YESSSSSSSSSSSS." Everything I just said in the headline but with more words and celebrity cameos. Via Page Six: Cruise was spotted at Simon Hammerstein’s London club The Box to toast Damon’s 42nd birthday, along with “The Avengers” hunk Chris Hemsworth, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton and party organizer John Krasinski. “Tom arrived solo,” said a spy,…

By: The Superficial / October 9, 2012
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