Posts tagged "Tom Cruise"

Angelina Jolie Is A ‘Minimally Talented Spoiled Brat': The Sony Emails

I work in the media, so it's easy to forget that people actually live rich, full lives (Sometimes even outdoors. The actual outside!) where they don't obsess over the tiniest minutiae like studio infighting and how badly Aaron Sorkin wants to feel Tom Cruise shove an iPhone 6 up his ass.
By: The Superficial / December 10, 2014

Jared Leto’s Penis Is A Massive Roman Guard

In an interview with FrontiersLA, Alexis Arquette revealed that not only did she have sex with Jared Leto, but it was back when she was still Robert Arquette and that Jared's dick apparently looks like a giant feathered helmet which can't be healthy. One time, mine looked like…
By: The Superficial / August 20, 2014

Laura Prepon Denies Dating Tom Cruise, Claims Scientology Isn’t Homophobic

Last week, Laura Prepon was linked (again) to Tom Cruise except in two new interviews to promote the second season of Orange Is The New Black, which she almost wasn't apart of for reasons that now sound even shadier, she denies dating him while making sure to…
By: The Superficial / April 23, 2014

Holy Shit, Tom Cruise Really Did Buy Hot Donna With His Space Money

When you're the Planetary Prince-Regent of Adamanthium 7, you get only the finest quimmelwidgets to galactic shazzlebang your norfbong. It's practically your birthright. Which is why the rumors are true that Tom Cruise has chosen fellow Scientologist Laura Prepon to be the new slave-bride he makes people…
By: The Superficial / April 17, 2014

Hot Donna Is Dating Tom Cruise

Posted by Photo Boy Ever since I saw her naked in Orange Is The New Black, then again in Lay The Favorite (Shut the fuck up, it was on Netflix, and I was drunk.), I've had a profound and deep respect for Laura Prepon as a person. Sure, she was alway…
By: Photo Boy / November 27, 2013

LITTLE PEOPLE FIGHT!

Tom Cruise found himself in some shit over the weekend after making some poor, albeit slightly out of context, statements equating acting to serving in Afghanistan. Naturally, this left him open to criticism except from say another actor who claimed he could've stopped 9/11 with his fists where a…
By: The Superficial / November 13, 2013

Happy Veterans Day! Tom Cruise Says Acting Is Just Like Serving In Afghanistan

Left to right, Sergeant Thomas Mapother, UAF Volleyball Brigade, with Private Johnathan Depp, 82nd Bolo Tie Division. While I watch elementary school kids (No Jacko.) sing a tribute to veterans this morning, here's Tom Cruise stepping in even more shit thanks to his $50 million lawsuit against I…
By: The Superficial / November 11, 2013

Tom Cruise Admits Katie Holmes Left Him Because of Scientology

"What am I doing? Not getting fisted by a futuristic exoskeleton that's for sure. E-meter?" Because Tom Cruise believes he's a levitating space Jesus, he occasionally finds himself in situations where he's certain he'll vanquish his enemies with an all-consuming pulsar of justice, but instead ends up looking a crazy person. Situations like…
By: The Superficial / November 8, 2013

The Church of Scientology Thinks Leah Remini Is A Threat To Tom Cruise

In a new interview, Leah Remini's sister Nicole reveals that despite the Church of Scientology's claims to the contrary, Leah's entire family has left the church after being forced to choose between her or their faith in a religion made up by a failed science fiction writer who let his wife take the…
By: The Superficial / July 17, 2013

Tom Cruise Found A New Carbon-Based Lover

Tom Cruise brought a date to Jerry Bruckheimer's Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony yesterday because what's the point of an all-powerful, galactic space church if it can't force its slave women to pretend to be your girlfriend? More importantly, this one's shorter than Tom Cruise which means Scientology found a way to kidna…
By: The Superficial / June 25, 2013

Tom Cruise & David Beckham Played It Real Cool At Last Night’s Kings Game

Posted by Photo Boy Like all celebrities do during playoffs, Tom Cruise and David Beckham pretended to be huge fans of the sport and showed up for some awesome seats at last night's Kings v. Sharks game. Knowing next to nothing about sports, even I know nobody gives a shit about hockey. Thi…
By: Photo Boy / May 29, 2013

Tom Cruise Never Said He Was Surprised By Divorce, Tom Cruise Knows Everything

Earlier in the week, Tom Cruise was quoted as saying he was surprised by his divorce from Katie Holmes and that sometimes "life is a challenge" and you need to have a "sense of humor." Which sound like safe, bland quotes about a not-too-recent divorce until you realize you're dealing with a ma…
By: The Superficial / April 11, 2013

Now We’re Supposed To Believe Tom Cruise Is Banging Malin Akerman’s Sister. Her Female Sister.

Posted by Photo Boy Just a few months ago, the anti-gay rumor squad known as Tom Cruise's PR team squeezed out a log made entirely of these lies. But since Cameron Diaz is a full three feet taller than him and would never let him be a bottom, we've now got another…
By: Photo Boy / December 20, 2012

Tom Cruise Sprayed Jimmy Fallon With His Gun, His Big Powerful Gun. Dudes Do That.

Since we've seen Miley Cyrus get exactly what she wanted for her birthday, here's Tom Cruise getting an item from his Christmas list: A playful water fight with Jimmy Fallon in a faux military bunker that's really a fully-functioning butt sex planetarium complete with a bird's eye view of Xenu's Seve…
By: The Superficial / December 19, 2012

Of Course Tom Cruise Won’t Press Charges Against These Sexy Eyes, He’s Not An Animal

On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise's neighbor house where he's been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: "Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you…
By: The Superficial / October 30, 2012

Tom Cruise Got Spanked By A Dude At Matt Damon’s Tranny Birthday Party

"YESSSSSSSSSSSS." Everything I just said in the headline but with more words and celebrity cameos. Via Page Six: Cruise was spotted at Simon Hammerstein’s London club The Box to toast Damon’s 42nd birthday, along with “The Avengers” hunk Chris Hemsworth, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton and party organizer John Krasinski. “Tom arrived solo,” said…
By: The Superficial / October 9, 2012

Tom Cruise Is Auditioning, Mind-Beaming, Courting, Whatever You Want To Call It, Cameron Diaz Now

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz have pretended to be romantic interests in two movies now, so why not carry that charade into reality which I'm assuming was the thought process here. Via The Herald Sun: “Tom and Cameron get on really well. Tom thinks Cameron is beautiful, intelligent and a lot…
By: The Superficial / September 27, 2012

This Is Why You Never Drink Around Tom Cruise

"Xenu.. mindbeams.. mindbeams in my butt.. Xenu.. Tom Berenger.. sell my dad's company.. Xenu.. Ohmygod, that woman's MELTING.. Xenu.. buttrays.. Xenu.. No, I don't want a handjob, handsome midget.. Xenu.. Xenu.. E-meter? More like butt-meter! AHAHA! Xenu.. Nah, I'll take the Marion Cotillard train home.. Xenu.." Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet,…
By: The Superficial / September 20, 2012

Lindsay Lohan Injected Herself Into The Tom Cruise Girlfriend Auditions Story

For reasons known only to herself and a freckle affectionately named Rumplestealshit, Lindsay Lohan tweeted the following message to Tom Cruise after Vanity Fair promoted their cover story claiming the Church of Scientology "auditioned" girlfriends for him who were punished with hard labor if the relationship went south. Not surprisingly,…
By: The Superficial / September 7, 2012

Tom Cruise Won’t Sue Vanity Fair But Totally Could If He Wanted To

"Before we bring out our next model, there's something I've wanted to say for years... TCLTC, motherfuckers. Whoo!" In case you needed more proof to back up the Vanity Fair story claiming the Church of Scientology held girlfriend auditions for Tom Cruise that eventually ended with a woman being forced to sell…
By: The Superficial / September 6, 2012
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