Posts tagged "Tom Brady"

Football Is Bullshit, Here Are The Commercials

Some sort of sports ball game happened last night, but more importantly, celebrity laden ads to sell you shit you don't need and sequels to movies nobody asked for! USA! USA! USA!
By: The Superficial / February 2, 2015

Tells Us About Your Balls, Tom Brady, Tells Us Everything About Them

While addressing Deflategate, Tom Brady explains the process of his balls and how he has no idea how his balls got deflated because he's very protective of his balls and only like his balls a certain way.
By: The Superficial / January 23, 2015

Liam Hemsworth Traded In Miley Cyrus For This

Earlier in the week, reports were flying that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth's breakup was January Jones' fault which made sense at the time because infidelity powers her ice-bot core. Except it turns out Liam is the smartest man alive and moved his penis over to 23-year-old Mexican singer/actress Eiza…
By: The Superficial / September 18, 2013

I Don’t Think Jesus Wants Tim Tebow To Play Football

For those of you wondering why the earth was cast into eternal darkness as a plague of locusts devoured your firstborn, Tim Tebow was cut from the New England Patriots on Friday which left him free to be picked up by any other team in the NFL provided one of them wanted him.
By: The Superficial / September 3, 2013

BREAKING: Tom Brady Smiled At Something That Isn’t A Water Slide

To answer your question, the person in the red shirt is Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow. The Jesus kid, right. h/t Lainey Gossi…
By: The Superficial / August 15, 2013

Gisele Bundchen Hurt The Patriots’ Feelings

And Maria Menounos just made them commit suicide. As the New England Patriots try to figure out how the hell they lost another Super Bowl to the Giants, perhaps they should look into how a team of grown men are apparently delicate flowers who can't handle one stick-thin supermodel making a legitimate statement.
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2012

Gisele Bundchen Shits All Over The Patriots

"Shh... Shh... Now you listen to me, Tom Brady. There's one thing you'll always have that no one can ever take." "My waterslide? And what do you mean 'take?' Ohmygod, is it in trouble?!" Because Gisele Bundchen's friends and family in Brazil speak a strange, non-American tongue, God didn't hear their prayers which…
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2012

Gisele Bundchen: ‘Please Pray For Tom Brady’

Considering the last time the Patriots faced the Giants in the Super Bowl her husband went home crying without even touching his waterslide, Gisele Bundchen has found herself turning to the very same deity Tom Brady proved doesn't exist when his team essentially anally raped Tim Tebow in the playoffs. The…
By: The Superficial / February 2, 2012

This Is Who Tim Tebow Lost To

So maybe that abortion wasn't such a bad idea after all. Just throwing that out there. Photo: Splash New…
By: The Superficial / January 14, 2012

Tom Brady is The Prettiest Quarterback in All The Land

Apparently season ticket holders get to watch the New England Patriots have an extra special practice just for them, so here's Tom Brady at Gillette Stadium last night giving the crowd some sizzle as he prances and preens knowing full well their eyes are undressing him gleefully, like a man alone with…
By: The Superficial / August 4, 2011

Brett Favre Could’ve Used One Of These

Here's Tom Brady filming what has to be the Avatar of man-on-dog porn. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that James Cameron actually is the director. "Alright, Tom, in this scene, you want the dog to know you have strong muscles, but also a massive erection whose…
By: The Superficial / June 16, 2011

Tom Brady is an Incredible Dancer

"I said, 'I like my 'jitos in a soda cup!' Is this humidity making my hair look bad?" If you haven't seen it by now, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was caught on camera dancing during Carnival yesterday while watching Gisele Bundchen ride by on a float. Now, I'm not…
By: The Superficial / March 8, 2011

Gisele Bundchen in a Bikini

While last week ended with Charlie Sheen and Mike Huckabee battling for Crazy Talk Throne, it seems only fair that this one should start with a supermodel in a bikini, thus restoring balance to the site. So here's Gisele Bundchen vacationing in Brazil yesterday with Tom Brady who I…
By: The Superficial / March 7, 2011

Gisele Bundchen has a boy

Because Tom Brady apparently loves committing crimes against nature, the baby boy he put in Gisele Bundchen's uterus has come out, according to the New York Post. No details were available on the baby's name, but more importantly, I've already begun praying it grows up and wants to play the concert bassoon for a…
By: The Superficial / December 9, 2009

Catherine Zeta-Jones’ still got it and other news

- Scarlett Johannson is auctioning off a chance to be within gawking distance of her lady mountains. [PopEater] - Jennifer Aniston singing for Ellen = the worst lesbian porn I've seen in my life. [Lainey Gossip] - Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen want to name their unbor…
By: The Superficial / September 16, 2009

Gisele Bundchen pregnant?

Here's Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady leaving an OBGYN's office in Manhattan this morning sparking rumors the supermodel is pregnant. And judging by the palpable "Sonofabitch..." silence between these two, I'd say the chances are good. But, hey, at least there'll be a happy ending to this story. Namely Bridget Moynahan running into the…
By: The Superficial / May 5, 2009

Bridget Moynahan just a tad pissed at Gisele Bundchen

Bridget Moynahan is understandably pissed at Gisele Bundchen's claims that little illegitimate John Moynahan is 100% the supermodel's child. But it seems she's mostly angry at Gisele for using John for publicity more than anything else. Page Six reports: One close pal told Page Six, "If Gisele loved Bridget's child like he wa…
By: The Superficial / April 1, 2009

Gisele Bundchen: ‘Tom Brady’s son is 100% mine’

Gisele Bundchen is not only in love with her new husband Tom Brady, she's in love with his illegitimate son John Moynahan. So much so she claims he's her own despite the the fact little John didn't come out of her vagina and still has a living biological mother. With primary custody. Besides that stuff.
By: The Superficial / March 30, 2009

Gisele Bundchen & Tom Brady get married

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady quietly wed at St. Monica Church in Santa Monica Thursday, according to Us Magazine: The ceremony -- which began at dusk -- was "very small and intimate," a source tells Us, adding that guests mostly consisted of immediate family. Brady's son with ex-girlfriend Bridget…
By: The Superficial / February 27, 2009

Gisele Bundchen & Tom Brady are engaged (For real this time.)

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady officially proposed to supermodel Gisele Bundchen on Friday despite TMZ swearing on it's mother's grave that shit went down Christmas Eve. People reports: "He asked and she accepted," a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE. Family and friends were informed over the weekend. An official announcement, as well…
By: The Superficial / January 12, 2009
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