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More Tom Brady stories

Here’s A Totally Not Drunk Ben Affleck Slurring About Tom Brady

Ben Affleck just really hearts Tom Brady. Is that a crime? More »

Tom Brady Is A Donald Trump Supporter

Tom Brady has a Donald Trump hat in his locker. We’re all fucked. More »

Tom Brady Just Beat The NFL And It Only Cost Him His Marriage

Ben Affleck Let The Nanny Meet Tom Brady, Is An Idiot

Ben Affleck brought the nanny on a private jet with Tom Brady. How did he think that would play out? More »

Tom Brady’s #DeflateGate Suspension Makes Sense

Tom Brady got twice the punishment for #DeflateGate as Ray Rice did for knocking his girlfriend out. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBAAAALLLL?! YEEEAAHH!! … More »

Football Is Bullshit, Here Are The Commercials

Some sort of sports ball game happened last night, but more importantly, celebrity laden ads to sell you shit you don’t need and sequels to movies nobody asked for! USA! USA! USA! More »

Tells Us About Your Balls, Tom Brady, Tells Us Everything About Them

While addressing Deflategate, Tom Brady explains the process of his balls and how he has no idea how his balls got deflated because he’s very protective of his balls and only like his balls a certain way. More »

Liam Hemsworth Traded In Miley Cyrus For This

Earlier in the week, reports were flying that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth’s breakup was January Jones’ fault which made sense at the time because infidelity powers her ice-bot core. Except it turns out Liam is the smartest man alive and moved his penis over to 23-year-old Mexican singer/actress Eiza González who unlike Miley isn’t… More »

I Don’t Think Jesus Wants Tim Tebow To Play Football

For those of you wondering why the earth was cast into eternal darkness as a plague of locusts devoured your firstborn, Tim Tebow was cut from the New England Patriots on Friday which left him free to be picked up by any other team in the NFL provided one of them wanted him. Which they… More »

BREAKING: Tom Brady Smiled At Something That Isn’t A Water Slide

To answer your question, the person in the red shirt is Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow. The Jesus kid, right.

h/t Lainey GossipMore »

Gisele Bundchen Hurt The Patriots’ Feelings

And Maria Menounos just made them commit suicide.

As the New England Patriots try to figure out how the hell they lost another Super Bowl to the Giants, perhaps they should look into how a team of grown men are apparently delicate flowers who can’t handle one stick-thin supermodel making a legitimate statement. More »

Gisele Bundchen Shits All Over The Patriots

“Shh… Shh… Now you listen to me, Tom Brady. There’s one thing you’ll always have that no one can ever take.”
“My waterslide? And what do you mean ‘take?’ Ohmygod, is it in trouble?!”

Because Gisele Bundchen’s friends and family in Brazil speak a strange, non-American tongue, God didn’t hear their prayersMore »

Gisele Bundchen: ‘Please Pray For Tom Brady’

Considering the last time the Patriots faced the Giants in the Super Bowl her husband went home crying without even touching his waterslide, Gisele Bundchen has found herself turning to the very same deity Tom Brady proved doesn’t exist when his team essentially anally raped Tim Tebow in the playoffs. The New York Post reports:… More »

This Is Who Tim Tebow Lost To

So maybe that abortion wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Just throwing that out there.

Photo: Splash NewsMore »

Tom Brady is The Prettiest Quarterback in All The Land

Apparently season ticket holders get to watch the New England Patriots have an extra special practice just for them, so here’s Tom Brady at Gillette Stadium last night giving the crowd some sizzle as he prances and preens knowing full well their eyes are undressing him gleefully, like a man alone with his waterslide. Later,… More »

Brett Favre Could’ve Used One Of These

Here’s Tom Brady filming what has to be the Avatar of man-on-dog porn. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that James Cameron actually is the director. “Alright, Tom, in this scene, you want the dog to know you have strong muscles, but also a massive erection whose vantage point the audience will experience… More »

Tom Brady is an Incredible Dancer

“I said, ‘I like my ‘jitos in a soda cup!’ Is this humidity making my hair look bad?”

If you haven’t seen it by now, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was caught on camera dancing during Carnival yesterday while watching Gisele Bundchen ride by on a float. Now, I’m not going to criticize the… More »

Gisele Bundchen in a Bikini

While last week ended with Charlie Sheen and Mike Huckabee battling for Crazy Talk Throne, it seems only fair that this one should start with a supermodel in a bikini, thus restoring balance to the site. So here’s Gisele Bundchen vacationing in Brazil yesterday with Tom Brady who I took the liberty of also postingMore »

Gisele Bundchen has a boy

Because Tom Brady apparently loves committing crimes against nature, the baby boy he put in Gisele Bundchen’s uterus has come out, according to the New York Post. No details were available on the baby’s name, but more importantly, I’ve already begun praying it grows up and wants to play the concert bassoon for a… More »

Catherine Zeta-Jones’ still got it and other news

- Scarlett Johannson is auctioning off a chance to be within gawking distance of her lady mountains. [PopEater]

- Jennifer Aniston singing for Ellen = the worst lesbian porn I’ve seen in my life. [Lainey Gossip]

- Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen want to name their unborn son Gabriel. [Just Jared]

More »

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