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Tim Tebow Really Needs The No Sex With Olivia Culpo Thing To Go Away

Tim Tebow wants you to believe he was never even dating Olivia Culpo and isn’t a weird, chaste Christian cyborg who sucks at football.

Mike Redmond | December 1, 2015 - 12:22 pm

Olivia Culpo Dumped Tim Tebow Because He Wouldn’t Stick It In

Tim Tebow wouldn’t have sex with this because Jesus. And by this I mean Olivia Culpo not Nick Jonas. This time.

Mike Redmond | November 30, 2015 - 10:45 am

I Don’t Think Jesus Wants Tim Tebow To Play Football

For those of you wondering why the earth was cast into eternal darkness as a plague of locusts devoured your firstborn, Tim Tebow was cut from the New England Patriots on Friday which left him free to be picked up by any other team in the NFL provided one of them wanted him. Which they…

Mike Redmond | September 3, 2013 - 3:20 pm

Tim Tebow Plays For The Patriots

Tom Brady’s going to need a bigger water slide. Via Deadspin:

New England is probably the perfect landing spot for Tebow, ESPN proximity notwithstanding. He won’t start a quarterback controversy. The Patriots are good enough, and the fans trust Bill Belichick enough, that no one will be calling for him to play 30…

Mike Redmond | June 11, 2013 - 9:55 am

Tim Tebow Doesn’t Want You To See This Picture

Tim Tebow caught Rock of Ages on Broadway over the weekend and was even nice enough to pose with the cast backstage (above) who also tweeted pics of themselves Tebowing. Pretty innocent shit, right? Except tell that to Jesus who visited Tim in a dream shortly thereafter and said, “Jesus Christ, dude, Broadway? Do you…

Mike Redmond | May 21, 2012 - 3:08 pm

Here’s Tim Tebow Getting A Mani/Pedi

Above is former Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow getting a mani/pedi in West Hollywood on Tuesday.
Below are three beautiful women he chose not to have sex with.

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

Photo: Courtesy of TMZ.com

Mike Redmond | April 5, 2012 - 11:01 am

Tim Tebow’s Moved On To Taylor Swift Now

In his quest to find a pure, undriven virgin to be his bride, Tim Tebow continues to bark up exactly the wrong trees by pursuing Taylor Swift whose music he’s clearly never listened to once. Via ClevverTV, whatever the hell that is:

Taylor Swift has dated her fair share of great guys and…

Mike Redmond | February 29, 2012 - 1:41 pm

Tim Tebow Disappoints Room Full of Kids:
‘I Did Not Have Sex With Katy Perry’

For the past few weeks, rumors have been flying that Katy Perry finally taught Tim Tebow the breast is truly mightier than the Jesus sword that gets saved until marriage and presumably only used once. Rumors that were stoked even more when Katy made two shout outs to Tim over Super Bowl weekend. Jump to…

Mike Redmond | February 14, 2012 - 3:14 pm

Tim Tebow Banged Katy Perry or Maria Menounos. Possibly Both If He Truly Is The Messiah.

“And so science theorizes that this Higgs boson particle- you know what this is getting way too complicated. Just touch their breasts, son. Ol’ Joe won’t steer you wrong.”

With God preoccupied exacting His revenge on Tom Brady for publicly humiliating his second begotten Son, Satan was able to score a touchdown of…

Mike Redmond | February 6, 2012 - 9:26 am

Katy Perry Wants Russell Brand Back To Piss Off Her Parents

Probably because of using her divorce to preach about Jews controlling all the money – They forgot The Slutty Leprechaun Guild, too. – Katy Perry met with Russell Brand in LA over the weekend to supposedly discuss getting back together for the sole purpose of pissing her parents off. The Daily Mail reports:

Mike Redmond | January 17, 2012 - 8:55 am

This Is Who Tim Tebow Lost To

So maybe that abortion wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Just throwing that out there.

Photo: Splash News

Mike Redmond | January 14, 2012 - 11:03 pm

Katy Perry’s Rebounding With Tim Tebow

“Lord, these touchdowns are great and everything, but how ’bout some tits?”

With all the pain and suffering in the world, God looked down upon humanity and sent us a champion. – A non-singing and dancing champion, I should say. These miracles are starting to run together. – A champion who really wouldn’t…

Mike Redmond | January 11, 2012 - 12:23 pm