Posts tagged "The Avengers"

Thanks To Those Who Served So We Can Have Redneck Avengers

Happy Memorial Day! Here’s The Avengers if they were from Kentucky.

By: The Superficial / May 25, 2015

Lindsay Lohan’s Telling People She Was Supposed To Be In ‘The Avengers’ Now

In a new episode of her reality show, serial liar Lindsay Lohan claims she was supposed to be in The Avengers, but her manager screwed the whole thing up by “not pushing hard enough.” Oh, and also they wanted an “unknown,” so it would’ve never worked because she’s Lindsay Lohan: Movie Star. Except Uproxx expertly…

By: The Superficial / April 4, 2014

Jeremy Renner Wasn’t Thrilled With Hawkeye’s Role In ‘The Avengers’

Jeremy Renner stars in one of the most lucrative movie franchises of the moment, but apparently he’s going to hang his hat on milking the Bourne movies to death because here he is shitting on Hawkeye’s role in The Avengers knowing full well killing off characters keeps Joss Whedon’s head shiny. And if you haven’t…

By: The Superficial / August 9, 2012

If It Was Punchable, The Hulk Punched It:
A Review of ‘The Avengers’

“Seriously, guys, tell me that flying boat ride wasn’t awesome. It even had a pirate with an eye patch! A black pirate, but that’s okay ’cause this is the future.”

So last summer, I decided to spice things up because, frankly, you used to be way freakier before we moved in together. Thi…

By: The Superficial / May 7, 2012

Scarlett Johansson: ‘I’m Addicted To Chicken Wings’

With The Avengers already receiving strong advance reviews, Disney marketing has apparently let Scarlett Johansson, the movie’s almost sole sex appeal, say whatever the hell she wants because here she is telling FOX411 that she can’t stop eating chicken wings and will probably look pregnant again any minute now:

“Oh my good [I…

By: The Superficial / April 23, 2012

Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts Are Still Promoting That Avengers Movie

While Kim Kardashian possibly being named the mayor of a real town and Ted Nugent threatening to assasinate the president might seem like news, none of those stories involve cleavage so let’s just forget they even happened. On that note, here’s Scarlett Johansson still using her breasts to promote The Avengers only this time i…

By: The Superficial / April 18, 2012

It’s An Alexander Skarsgard Remix

Fun Fact: Alexander Skarsgard was one of the top contenders to be THOR-HAMM which thankfully didn’t happen. Anyway…

Skarsgard and THOR-HAMM were at the Hollywood premiere of The Avengers last night, so below is an appropriate musical montage that I feel captures the handsome pageantry of their respective sexual thundery attempting to occupy…

By: The Superficial / April 13, 2012

Alexander Skarsgard & Thor Just Plundered A Hole In The Sex-Time Continuum

Fun fact: Alexander Skarsgard was one of the top rumored contenders for the role of Thor which thankfully didn’t happen because Chris Hemsworth taught us that Thor is best played by someone with a stocky Viking-esque build as opposed to a tall, lean, muscular Swedish fucking machine. If Alexander Skarsgard should play any superhero, it’…

By: The Superficial / April 12, 2012

BREAKING: Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts Jiggle In ‘The Avengers’

If you’re like me, you’ve spent countless hours wondering how Scarlett Johansson landed the role of Black Widow and also why there’s a layer of dust on your penis. Except if you haven’t seen the clip above from The Avengers that’s been splattered all over the Internet today, it turns out her breasts jiggle every…

By: The Superficial / April 4, 2012

Scarlett Johansson Actually Looks Good Again

Thanks to Gisele Bundchen making a team of grown men cry like schoolgirls these got shoved to the back-burner, so here’s Scarlett Johansson at the Goldene Kamera Awards in Berlin over the weekend looking surprisingly good again after spending a year shrugging off the effects of seeing Sean Penn’s penis.

SEAN: Okay, before…

By: The Superficial / February 7, 2012

‘The Avengers’ Has A Trailer

Whoever owns the rights to The Avengers now – I’m going with Scrooge McDuck. – has just released the official trailer that hits pretty much all the bases you expect it to hit along with some Nine Inch Nails music because apparently kids love nails three inches shy of a foot. Can’t get enough of…

By: The Superficial / October 11, 2011

The Superficial Presents: ‘The Avengers,’ A Tale of Dumb Face and Peppercorn

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve done a caption gallery this large. In fact, it’s been so many years that the old ones didn’t even survive the migration from Movable Type to WordPress, essentially flushing hours upon hours of my life down the Internet toilet. Ahahahaha! *cries curled up in the shower for

By: The Superficial / September 8, 2011

Here’s Scarlett Johansson’s The Avengers Costume in Broad Daylight

Hey, do you think she’s pregnant?

Despite the fact Iron Man 2 was essentially a jumbled, two-hour mess of a trailer for The Avengers that resulted in Jon Favreau bolting the franchise and Robert Downey Jr. cryptically biting the hand that saved him from becoming Charlie Sheen, it still made an assload of…

By: The Superficial / September 6, 2011

Here’s Captain America’s New Costume in Broad Daylight, Of Course

I don’t know what the hell is going on this summer, but apparently every single movie is shooting directly in front of the paparazzi because now here’s Chris Evans in his new Captain America costume on the Cleveland set of The Avengers. I say new because for those of you who have sex with women,…

By: The Superficial / August 16, 2011

Cockblocked By War: A Review of ‘Captain America: The First Avenger’

“Oh, so now you’re accusing me of stealing your topless scenes. Where do you get off?

Gabe from Videogum wrote a pitch-perfect opening for his review of X-Men: First Class that now, even more than it did for that movie, says exactly how I felt about Captain America after the credits rolled which…

By: The Superficial / July 23, 2011

‘Captain America’ Had a Premiere

Captain America, or Captain America: The First Avenger, as absolutely no one is calling it, had its Los Angeles premiere last night and has already won over curmudgeony film critic Jeff Wells who openly dreams of “strafing fanboys” at Comic-Con. So, until I get my review up on Friday because I’m just a simple dick…

By: The Superficial / July 20, 2011

Scarlett Johansson Wants Sean Penn To Have All This Sexy Again

“Blargh.”

Here’s Scarlett Johansson on location for The Avengers in New Mexico this morning and looking like absolute hell which isn’t going to win Sean Penn back. Oh, yeah, that’s happening. Us Weekly reports:

On June 4, the Avengers star didn’t seem ready to give up on their unlikely romance. At…

By: The Superficial / June 9, 2011

I Wrote a Review of ‘Thor’

As promised, here’s my review of the Kenneth Branagh-directed Thor which is a little off the beaten path of celebrity schadenfreude and more or less an excuse for me to get my nerd on. On that note, I’m going to try and hit the other big three comic flicks of the summer: X-Men: First Class,…

By: The Superficial / May 9, 2011

So, Here’s Captain America in ‘The Avengers.’ He Likes Old Navy Tees.

Here’s Chris Evans on Saturday shooting scenes in modern-day Times Square for apparently both the ending of Captain America and the beginning of The Avengers. Although, considering Marvel was still cramming cameos into Thor with barely a month to go before its release, these could just as easily wind up in there. Or Iron Man

By: The Superficial / April 25, 2011