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Tom Cruise Hasn’t Seen Suri In A Year

Question: How is Tom Cruise not being around a bad thing? More »


Katie Holmes In A Bikini

Katie Holmes spent most of November looking like an even bigger saint after more details of her divorce from Tom Cruise were leaked to the press. Details like Scientology literally equates her with Hitler and will use every means at their disposal to stop her from committing a psychic holocaust or some stupid bullshit. So… More »


Happy Veterans Day! Tom Cruise Says Acting Is Just Like Serving In Afghanistan

Left to right, Sergeant Thomas Mapother, UAF Volleyball Brigade, with Private Johnathan Depp, 82nd Bolo Tie Division.

While I watch elementary school kids (No Jacko.) sing a tribute to veterans this morning, here’s Tom Cruise stepping in even more shit thanks to his $50 million lawsuit against In Touch. Which is what happens… More »



Tom Cruise Admits Katie Holmes Left Him Because of Scientology

“What am I doing? Not getting fisted by a futuristic exoskeleton that’s for sure. E-meter?”

Because Tom Cruise believes he’s a levitating space Jesus, he occasionally finds himself in situations where he’s certain he’ll vanquish his enemies with an all-consuming pulsar of justice, but instead ends up looking a crazy person. Situations like… More »


Of Course Tom Cruise Won’t Press Charges Against These Sexy Eyes, He’s Not An Animal

On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise’s neighbor house where he’s been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: “Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you being dick-… More »


Katie Holmes Has A Butt Now

Photo Boy posted this in yesterday’s The Crap We Missed because I literally missed it, so here’s more of Katie Holmes’s new butt which proves the mind control pills Tom hid in her food slim as much as they completely dull the senses. And I just wrote the next recruitment campaign, didn’t I? Goddammit.
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Katie Holmes Gave Interview One Day Before Filing For Divorce From Tom Cruise

Everyone’s freaking out today over Katie Holmes giving an interview with C Magazine the day before she filed for divorce from Tom Cruise even though she really doesn’t say anything revelatory outside of refusing to mention his name and chalking up having a kid with the largest movie star on the planet as “Eh.” Via… More »


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