Question: How is Tom Cruise not being around a bad thing? More »
Katie Holmes spent most of November looking like an even bigger saint after more details of her divorce from Tom Cruise were leaked to the press. Details like Scientology literally equates her with Hitler and will use every means at their disposal to stop her from committing a psychic holocaust or some stupid bullshit. So… More »
Left to right, Sergeant Thomas Mapother, UAF Volleyball Brigade, with Private Johnathan Depp, 82nd Bolo Tie Division.
While I watch elementary school kids (No Jacko.) sing a tribute to veterans this morning, here’s Tom Cruise stepping in even more shit thanks to his $50 million lawsuit against In Touch. Which is what happens… More »
“What am I doing? Not getting fisted by a futuristic exoskeleton that’s for sure. E-meter?”
Because Tom Cruise believes he’s a levitating space Jesus, he occasionally finds himself in situations where he’s certain he’ll vanquish his enemies with an all-consuming pulsar of justice, but instead ends up looking a crazy person. Situations like… More »
On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise’s neighbor house where he’s been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: “Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you being dick-… More »
Photo Boy posted this in yesterday’s The Crap We Missed because I literally missed it, so here’s more of Katie Holmes’s new butt which proves the mind control pills Tom hid in her food slim as much as they completely dull the senses. And I just wrote the next recruitment campaign, didn’t I? Goddammit.
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Everyone’s freaking out today over Katie Holmes giving an interview with C Magazine the day before she filed for divorce from Tom Cruise even though she really doesn’t say anything revelatory outside of refusing to mention his name and chalking up having a kid with the largest movie star on the planet as “Eh.” Via… More »
“They told me I have to thank you in advance for lifting the chopper in the air with your mind or I don’t get paid.”
“So I know you’re probably thinking I went and got you that puppy, but, wow, how do I put this? Your mom’s got a lotta shit on me.”