Posts tagged "Super Bowl"

Everybody Shut Up, Jamie Casino Has A New Super Bowl Commercial

Jamie Casino is back with a brand new Super Bowl commercial that will beat the fucking shit out of bullying with a sledgehammer. THAT'S ON FIRE.
By: The Superficial / January 30, 2015

Katy Perry’s Breasts Must Be Contained To Protect Football

Judging by her Pepsi Halftime Show press conference, I wouldn't bet on seeing Katy Perry's breasts during the Super Bowl because football is a holy temple that must be protected.
By: The Superficial / January 30, 2015

Tells Us About Your Balls, Tom Brady, Tells Us Everything About Them

While addressing Deflategate, Tom Brady explains the process of his balls and how he has no idea how his balls got deflated because he's very protective of his balls and only like his balls a certain way.
By: The Superficial / January 23, 2015

Lindsay Lohan’s Doing A Super Bowl Commercial

Lindsay Lohan once hit a baby while behind the wheel, so who better to be the face of car insurance than a prominent drug addict who's been arrested for DUI twice and one time with a hostage? Just don't ask her about full tort. She'll think you're talking about something else, …
By: The Superficial / January 19, 2015

This Truly Is The Greatest Super Bowl Commercial Ever Made

When I kept seeing headlines for "The Greatest Super Bowl Commercial Ever Made," I wrote it off as probably some bullshit with kittens or marching bands or whatever the Internet's going crazy for these days. (Neil Gaiman reading Dr. Seuss? Why not?) Except thanks to a bunch of you not shutting up about …
By: The Superficial / February 3, 2014

Here Are All The Trailers From The Super Bowl

For those of you emerging from a coma and/or living in a country where football is actually played with your feet, Super Bowl XLVIII was last night. And while it may have started as a fierce athletic competition between two championship teams, that all ended not even 12 seconds into the game when …
By: The Superficial / February 3, 2014

BEST OF 2013: Beyonce Tried To Edit The Internet

Welcome to the time of year where we repackage old posts you guys clicked the shit out of in hopes that you'll do that all over again so we don't have to step away from our loot. I'm not even going to sugar coat what's happening here. Unlike this ham. Leave us! FEBRUARY During her …
By: The Superficial / December 26, 2013

Tim Tebow Plays For The Patriots

Tom Brady's going to need a bigger water slide. Via Deadspin: New England is probably the perfect landing spot for Tebow, ESPN proximity notwithstanding. He won't start a quarterback controversy. The Patriots are good enough, and the fans trust Bill Belichick enough, that no one will be calling for him to …
By: The Superficial / June 11, 2013

Beyonce’s Publicist Tried To Edit The Internet,
It Didn’t Work

Like every entertainment site on the Internet, Buzzfeed posted pics from Beyonce's Super Bowl halftime show which obviously included shots were she's making weird faces because that's what happens when you're dancing your goddamn ass off. A fact that apparently escaped Beyonce's publicist who you'd just assume would be used to seeing …
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2013

The Kat Dennings’ Cleavage Is A Stripper Super Bowl Commercial That I Missed

As a blogger of celebrity breasts, it's my job to make sure I bring you the very best in famous mammaries, and sometimes in that pursuit, boobs fall through the crack. In this case, Kat Dennings's which are huge and awesome, so there's absolutely no excuse but I have been taking a lot of …
By: The Superficial / February 5, 2013

Didn’t Watch The Game? Here Are All The Trailers

We've reached peak black microphone. If you're like me, you abstain from all religions including ones tied with the Catholic Church for Most Rapes, so for your work-neglecting pleasure, here are the trailers for Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness, The Lone Ranger, Oz: The Great And Powerful and …
By: The Superficial / February 4, 2013

BREAKING: Bar Refaeli’s Still Crazy Hot

Here's Bar Refaeli in the latest campaign for Passionata lingerie because if there's one thing men don't have enough going into sex, it's unrealistic expectations of how things are about to go down. "Oh, man, she's going to look so awesome and we're going to rock this ALL NIGHT." One minute 15 seconds later …
By: The Superficial / February 1, 2013

Madonna Throws M.I.A. Under The Bus

"With incredible speed the sorceress queen suddenly mounted the arms of her dark throne and with a mighty shriek, the sun no longer shown upon the Earth for a fortnight. Crops wilted, children wailed and most terrifying of all, her arid crevasse demanded pleasure from our strongest, most strapping young boys. Their discarded carcasses a …
By: The Superficial / February 10, 2012

Russell Brand Doesn’t Want Katy Perry’s Money

Russell Brand might be a sex addict who can't get an erection without the aid of wheelchair porn, but if there's one thing he's not, it's a bloody gold-digger. TMZ reports: Katy made $44 million between May, 2010 and May, 2011 -- according to Forbes. The couple married in October, …
By: The Superficial / February 8, 2012

Gisele Bundchen Hurt The Patriots’ Feelings

And Maria Menounos just made them commit suicide. As the New England Patriots try to figure out how the hell they lost another Super Bowl to the Giants, perhaps they should look into how a team of grown men are apparently delicate flowers who can't handle one stick-thin supermodel making a legitimate statement.
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2012

JWoww Restores Class & Sophistication To The Super Bowl

And by class and sophistication, I mean summoned Tim Tebow by making a cross with giant glowing dildos and then hanging out with Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra who, judging by this photo, banged later. So, again, way classier than whatever the hell this is. Your honor has been restored, …
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2012

Gisele Bundchen Shits All Over The Patriots

"Shh... Shh... Now you listen to me, Tom Brady. There's one thing you'll always have that no one can ever take." "My waterslide? And what do you mean 'take?' Ohmygod, is it in trouble?!" Because Gisele Bundchen's friends and family in Brazil speak a strange, non-American tongue, God didn't hear their prayers which …
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2012

M.I.A. Has A Middle Finger. Oh, And Something About Madonna, It’s Not Really Important

In case you haven't heard by now, America once again found its delicate sensibilities in a bunch when M.I.A. flipped off the camera for all of .005 seconds (after the jump) during last night's Super Bowl halftime show which I'm only acknowledging for the simple fact that absolutely no one is talking about …
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2012

Tim Tebow Banged Katy Perry or Maria Menounos. Possibly Both If He Truly Is The Messiah.

"And so science theorizes that this Higgs boson particle- you know what this is getting way too complicated. Just touch their breasts, son. Ol' Joe won't steer you wrong." With God preoccupied exacting His revenge on Tom Brady for publicly humiliating his second begotten Son, Satan was able to score a touchdown of …
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2012

Sarah Palin Defends Christina Aguilera

Because apparently they're in the business of publishing clear and obvious bullshit this week, Us Magazine ran a story claiming Sarah Palin said Christina Aguilera should be deported for flubbing the National Anthem. Turns out they cited a fake interview from a satire site. Whoops. In …
By: The Superficial / February 11, 2011
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