Stephen Hawking


More Stephen Hawking stories

Stephen Hawking Got $100 Million To Look For Aliens

Stephen Hawking received $100 million in funding to look for aliens. You know exactly where this is going. More »

Stephen Hawking Visited Jeffrey Epstein’s Alleged Underage Hooker Island

Before we get into our bullshit post where we make a man’s robot voice talk about hookers, yesterday 12 employees of Charlie Hebdo magazine in Paris were killed over satirical cartoons – cartoons – by one of the most dangerous combinations in the world: Someone with a god and a gun. Their motivation was to… More »

Stephen Hawking Wants To Be A Bond Villain

Despite being an atheist, there are times when even I can’t deny the existence of a kind and benevolent god, and those times are when Stephen Hawking wants to be a Bond villain because, and I quote, “I think the wheelchair and the computer voice would fit the part.” So needless to say, you know… More »

Stephen Hawking’s On The New Pink Floyd Album

And right out of the gate. I didn’t even hesitate.

So BlackManUSA brought it to our attention that Stephen Hawking, world renowned physicist and unabashed pussyhound, is doing guest vocals on the new Pink Floyd album, and I shouldn’t have to tell you how we spent our entire morning. It’s a… More »

Stephen Hawking Is Still Hoping People Will Show Up To His Time Travel Party In 2009

When we last left Stephen Hawking, he was expressing his desire that the 13th Doctor would be a lady, but alas, the world is a cruel mistress who won’t twirl his limp penis like a helicopter. He’s now moved on to more scientific pursuits like hoping people will eventually show up to his time travelMore »

Stephen Hawking Really Wanted A Woman Doctor.
He Didn’t Get it.

(I was just going to write a caption, but once this box is open, it really doesn’t want to be shut.)

Yesterday, the BBC aired their Doctor Who special which unveiled Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor. More importantly, Stephen Hawking was one of the guests and was asked who he’d… More »

Justin Bieber’s Getting Shot Into Space

If there was ever any doubt about Sir Richard Branson’s genius, he just booked Justin Bieber and his manager Scooter Braun on the first flight of Virgin Galactic which could launch as early as this year, so God willing, they’re cutting a shitload of corners to hit that deadline. E! News reports:

Virgin… More »

Stephen Hawking Reacts To Higgs Boson Discovery: ‘Looks Like I Lost A Bet’

Seen here pimping himself out to Big Bang Theory because dollar bills don’t grow on trees, Stephen Hawking has reacted to the recent discovery of a Higgs Boson (Don’t say God particle.) by humorously revealing it cost him a bet. Via Mashable:

“The great advances in physics came from experiments that gave results… More »

Stephen Hawking Has A ‘Big Bang Theory’ Cameo

“Big bang dat ass.”

You can’t run your ho game without making a torrential downpour on them bitches, so Stephen Hawking has agreed to a cameo on The Big Bang Theory because it has science in the name and sounds like a pretty sweet fuck movie, so I can see the confusion here. More »

We Fixed Those Stephen Hawking Recordings.
And Possibly Made More.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’…”

On Friday, we posted a bunch of extremely accurate recordings of how Stephen Hawking works them hos down at the sex club by making them hover naked over his lifeless body a.k.a. the pimpest shit you’ve ever heard in your life. Unfortunately Chrome sharts the bed at… More »

Stephen Hawking Goes To Sex Clubs. Well, Yeah.

“You are a bit bigger than I prefer, but Stephen Hawking takes what Stephen Hawking can gets.”

There are several stories we could’ve started out with this morning, but none of them involve Stephen Hawking frequenting sex clubs which let’s not pretend isn’t goddamn amazing. RadarOnline reports:

Renown physicist Stephen Hawking… More »

Katt Williams: ‘Kirk Cameron is Brilliant, Stephen Hawking is Just a Cripple’

For those of you hoping for a Heavenly warrior to ride forth and end the battle between Kirk Cameron and Stephen Hawking by proving there’s unquestionably one true Lord above, your prayers have been answered. — Ha! Just kidding. Katt Williams just said a bunch of crazy shit to TMZ. Oh my god, you should’ve… More »

Kirk Cameron on Stephen Hawking: ‘He Ain’t So Smart’

“I can make that face, too, tough guy.”

Kirk Cameron is a high school graduate who starred on a sitcom where his best friend’s name is Boner and then fell headfirst into evangelical Christianity where he makes money telling people the banana is all the proof we need that God exists. Stephen HawkingMore »