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More Simon Cowell stories

Simon Cowell Ain’t Marrying Shit, Regroups In Mezghan Hussainy’s Vagina

If there was ever one photograph that encompasses what it’s like to date Simon Cowell, it’s this one. “That blowjob was absolutely dreadful. Ohmygod, are you still in the car?”

Despite Lauren Silverman telling everyone Simon Cowell’s going to make an honest woman out of her, he has absolutely no plans to, and… More »


So Who Wants To See The Nipples On The Married Woman Simon Cowell Knocked Up?

If part of Lauren Silverman’s plan was to get knocked up by Simon Cowell and then have everyone see her nipples through her shirt, that part’s going awesome. If the other part was to still get a ton of money out of Simon’s best friend who she’s still married to on top of the money… More »


Simon Cowell Knocked Up His Best Friend’s Wife

So Simon Cowell apparently knocked up Lauren Silverman the estranged, yet technically still married wife to Simon’s best friend Andrew Silverman. Because if there’s one thing the British love it’s the sweet tang of incest. “And rape!” says Jame Bond. “The sweet tang of rape. I say that in my first book. True story.” UsMore »



Britney Spears Will Save Amanda Bynes

I feel good about this already.

Britney Spears doesn’t know what day of the week it is, but she is under a conservatorship for being crazy, so that’s enough to come up with a story about her trying to help Amanda Bynes which I’m going to repeat for the sole purpose of making… More »


Simon Cowell’s Banging Carmen Electra

The last time we checked in on Simon Cowell’s love life, he was being robbed by a one-night stand after a series of failed relationships where women wouldn’t stay with his money while he perpetually cheated on them. (Dames, amirite?) So after that the only logical step is to just start hiring prostitutes. Or CarmenMore »


And Now Back To America’s Royalty: BERTNEY!

I’ve often wondered how they manage to coax Britney Spears onto a red carpet without fried chicken hanging in the background, and today I found out the answer: Jason Trawick arrives to each event with a puppy hidden in his jacket which means every single one of these faces is, “Be good and ah getta… More »


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