Posts tagged "Sean Penn"

Minka Kelly Denies Dating Sean Penn

Minka Kelly denies dating Sean Penn now. Three weeks later.

The Superficial / July 16, 2015

Charlize Theron & Sean Penn Are Over

Charlize Theron and Sean Penn reached their inevitable conclusion.

The Superficial / June 18, 2015

Sean Penn’s Haiti Gala Had An Odd Guest List

Because the Golden Globes, it’s 47 after parties, and Johnny Depp’s Makeout Emporium weren’t enough, Sean Penn threw his annual Help Haiti Home Gala over the weekend featuring star-studded celebrities and a special guest who you’ll notice isn’t in any of the group shots or ever once near Sean Penn. However, this old pervert wa…

The Superficial / January 13, 2015

The Bonnie & Clyde of Fart-Sniffing Made A Trailer

Because if there’s one place these two should be filmed right now, it’s an elevator, here’s “RUN” the mutual masturbatory mock-trailer for Jay Z and Beyonce’s upcoming “On The Run” tour starring all of their famous friends with the notable exception of Gwyneth Paltrow. Which is what happens when you go around telling people your…

The Superficial / May 19, 2014

Charlize Theron Somehow Convinced Sean Penn To Get Rid of His Guns, It’s A Mystery

Sean Penn used to bang Scarlett Johansson, yet at no point during their relationship did she convince him to get rid of his guns which is what happens when you get pregnant and abort a man’s baby. (Weird angles made me say that. They have my family!) Charlize Theron, on the other hand, knocked that…

The Superficial / January 13, 2014

Madonna Broke Up With That Kid

THE DARK QUEEN TAKES AND LEAVES LOVERS AS SHE SEES FIT. That’s all the information you need, insolent whelp. The Weekly of Us reports:

This pop legend is on the market again! Madonna has split from her boyfriend Brahim Zaibat after three years of dating, the singer’s rep confirms to Us Weekly.

The Superficial / December 12, 2013

Sean Penn & Oprah Brace Haiti For Kim Kardashian’s Arrival

“There’s just not enough room for her ass. Sean, I can’t look…”
Despite my liberal leanings, I don’t see photos of Sean Penn and Oprah frantically running around Haiti in faux urgency and immediately start masturbating into a pile of arugula at a Whole Foods. (Okay, I did do that, but only to feel fancy.)…

The Superficial / December 13, 2011

Scarlett Johansson Wants Sean Penn To Have All This Sexy Again

“Blargh.”
Here’s Scarlett Johansson on location for The Avengers in New Mexico this morning and looking like absolute hell which isn’t going to win Sean Penn back. Oh, yeah, that’s happening. Us Weekly reports:
On June 4, the Avengers star didn’t seem ready to give up on their unlikely romance. At Spike TV’s Guys Choice…

The Superficial / June 9, 2011

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn Were at The Spike Guys Choice Awards

“Hope nobody I had sex with is here. D’oh!”
Despite calling it quits last week, the decreasingly hot Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn still showed up to The Spike Guys Choice Awards Saturday night, albeit separately, and even briefly posed together backstage before running in opposite directions. Her in a cloud of shame and disgust…

The Superficial / June 6, 2011

Scarlett Johansson & Sean Penn Broke Up

When a 26-year-old divorcee rebounds directly into the arms of a 50-year-old egomaniac who used to punch Madonna for sport, you just assume that’s the kind of relationship that will go the distance. So imagine my surprise when Scarlett Johansson andSean Penn called it quits after just three months. Is it because she keeps getting…

The Superficial / June 3, 2011

Sean Penn & Scarlett Johansson Aren’t Great Dinner Guests

Posted by Photo Boy
Here are Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson holding hands as they leave a party after the White House Correspondents Dinner. Not exactly a scandalous story considering the history these two have of diddling each other publicly. The most interesting part of the story, however is how they behaved while at dinner.

Photo Boy / May 2, 2011

Scarlett Johansson’s Rep: ‘My Client is the Victim of Angles and Weird Shirts’

Because I’m brave enough to not know the difference between pregnancy and a beer gut, I speculated yesterday that Scarlett Johansson might be pregnant with Sean Penn’s child after seeing photos of them jogging together. Turns out the person Scarlett pays to make her look good took particular exception with that and ran to People

The Superficial / April 13, 2011

Scarlett Johansson Looks Pregnant

Over the past few weeks, many people have been left wondering just what the 26-year-old Scarlett Johansson sees in 50-year-old Sean Penn, so at this point I’d like to toss my hat in the ring by saying he put a freaking baby in her. In a rare move for the usually reclusive Scarlett, she actually…

The Superficial / April 12, 2011

Scarlett Johansson is Definitely Banging Sean Penn

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn were not only spotted together in LA this week, but Scarlett had her foot resting comfortably in what the Haitians refer to as, “Lenn Sovè a la,” a.k.a. The Savior’s Groin. Later, he’d tell her it had the power to physically heal broken earth, but only if handled correctly. With…

The Superficial / March 2, 2011

Jessica White Celebrates Breaking Up With Sean Penn, Gets Arrested

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Jessica White was arrested over the weekend after getting in a barfight with another woman. Except there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation, according to her lawyer: She was just a little too excited about leaving Sean Penn. RadarOnline reports:
“Jessica was out with a bunch of friends celebrating her new single status,”…

The Superficial / October 26, 2010

Wyclef Jean: ‘Sean Penn’s a Stupid Cokehead.’

After being disqualified from participating in the Haitian presidential election, Wyclef Jean has decided decorum is for chumps and started firing back at his critics while performing for Hot 97’s Reggae Trip. Most notably Sean Penn (above), who he accuses of being a cokehead because apparently “You’re not the boss of me” would’ve been too…

The Superficial / September 7, 2010

Sean Penn ‘Suspicious’ of Wyclef Jean

Because Haiti is his turf now, Sean Penn stopped by CNN last night to voice his apprehension of Wyclef Jean announcing he will run for president of Haiti. Turns out Sean doesn’t think Wyclef has spent enough time helping in Haiti and will be a puppet for US corporations. Aw, shit, son. — I should…

The Superficial / August 6, 2010

Madonna & Sean Penn reuniting?

Now that they’re both divorced, it only makes sense for the rumors to start that Sean Penn and Madonna are going to rekindle their relationship after a quarter of a century. InTouch reports:
A friend says Madonna, 51, and Sean, 49, have stayed in touch since having cocktails last November at New York’s Greenwich Hotel…

The Superficial / September 2, 2009

Robin Wright Penn files for divorce. C’mon!

Less than two months after Sean Penn dismissed his petition for divorce (For the second time.), Robin Wright Penn has apparently filed for divorce and this time she’s not dicking around. Maybe. I think. Don’t quote me on that. People reports:
The papers, filed in Marin County, Calif., on Aug. 12, state that “both partie…

The Superficial / August 18, 2009
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