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Kristen Stewart Is Handling The Break Up Well

In case you somehow missed it, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson broke up over the weekend because Twilight’s over now (Or she’s banging Rupert Sanders again. Choose your own adventure.), so here she is walking into a parking garage yesterday with guns blazing just in case anyone even thinks about asking her where’s SparkleDick. A… More »


Turns Out Licking Kristen Stewart’s Vagina Is Bad For Your Marriage. Who Knew?

For those of you who forget the day true love grew it’s last pure, untainted sparkle-erection, Snow White and The Hunstman director Rupert Sanders was caught going down on Kristen Stewart who was Robert Pattinson’s girlfriend and more importantly not Rupert Sanders’ wife Liberty Ross. And while it seemed like everyone was going to be… More »


So Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson Really Did Get Back Together

“Then you just keep doing this for awhile, and they’ll pretty much do whatever the fuck you say. Next question.”

Earlier in the week the British tabloids were claiming that Robert Pattinson finally took Kristen Stewart back which seemed unlikely considering how epically stupid and public her cheating on him was. Turns out… More »



Kristen Stewart Dropped From ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’ Sequel, But Not Rupert Sanders

“I let the director lick my pussy! I mean, FREEEDOOMMM!”

While Robert Pattinson’s spending his week charming the pants off the world, Kristen Stewart has been unceremoniously dropped from The Snow White and The Huntsman sequel. However, Rupert Sanders is apparently still the director, so just assume he’s agreed to work for a… More »


Kristen Stewart Was Pregnant With Robert Pattinson’s Baby When She Cheated

Gotcha! Sorry, I saw Hollywood Life is just making shit up about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson and got jealous. Although as a testament to my restraint and journalistic integrity, my original headline was “Kristen Stewart Aborted Robert Pattinson’s Baby Into Rupert Sanders’ Mouth.” Not that I’m saying that didn’t happen because there are… More »


Liberty Ross Wants Rupert Sanders Back

Despite the fact the entire world saw Rupert Sanders pretend he’s Bane by using Kristen Stewart’s vagina as a mask, his wife Liberty Ross apparently still wants to make their marriage work even though she’s already hired a divorce attorney who I’ll just assume’s been tasked with finding legal grounds to make Robert Pattinson have… More »



Kristen Stewart Banned From Robert Pattinson’s ‘Cosmopolis’ Premiere

Now that her black heart has sent a wounded Robert Pattinson into the perpetually-pregnant arms of Reese Witherspoon for comfort, Kristen Stewart is banned from the premiere of Cosmopolis even though no one can get a straight answer if Robert Pattinson is even showing up for it or not. All they hear when they call… More »


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