Posts tagged "Robert Pattinson"

It’s Robert Pattinson’s New Girlfriend In A Bikini

Robert Pattinson's previous girlfriend avoided direct sunlight unless it was to get her vagina licked by another man, so it must be a nice to finally date someone he can take to the beach and who doesn't even complain when the paparazzi take detailed photographs of her taint. And…
By: The Superficial / December 10, 2014

Robert Pattinson Isn’t The New Indiana Jones

"Rupert Sanders' car belongs in a museum!" Because England is a silly place, the British tabloids started a rumor that Robert Pattinson would be the new Indiana Jones which the Internet went fucking batshit over because everyone remembers when Powder played Young Indiana Jones. (I…
By: The Superficial / June 5, 2014

The Paparazzi Wrote ‘I Love Rob’ On The Hood of Kristen Stewart’s Truck

Above is a video of Kristen Stewart walking out to her truck after the paparazzi decided to write "I Love Rob" on the hood. And normally I'm on the side of the paparazzi because without them we'd have no idea what Brandi Glanville's underwear looks like drunk, but this was a pretty dick…
By: The Superficial / July 10, 2013

Robert Pattinson’s Banging Elvis’ Granddaughter

Here's Elvis granddaughter Riley Keough who, according to the Daily Mail, is dating Robert Pattinson, so right off the bat you know she passed the first test of hates cunnilingus. That said, people are trying to say she looks like Kristen Stewart which a. huh? And b. i…
By: The Superficial / July 3, 2013

Katy Perry (Probably) Broke Up Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart

"You'll never let a director lick your pussy, right?" "Whatsha pushy?" We went down this road before the last time Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson broke up because she let the director of Snow White and The Huntsman lick her emotionless vagina in the backseat of a car, but…
By: The Superficial / May 29, 2013

Kristen Stewart Is Handling The Break Up Well

In case you somehow missed it, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson broke up over the weekend because Twilight's over now (Or she's banging Rupert Sanders again. Choose your own adventure.), so here she is walking into a parking garage yesterday with guns blazing just in case anyone even thinks about asking her…
By: The Superficial / May 24, 2013

‘Whee! We’re Rich And On Drugs Just Like Hippies! F*ck You, Dad!’

"Shit. Did I lock the Beamer?" "Hehe! I traded it for acid. Do me in that clown skull!" Here's the rest of the first weekend of Coachella where rich people dressed like an American Eagle ad and stuffed themselves so full of drugs they forgot they had children and/or nothing but a…
By: The Superficial / April 15, 2013

Ben Affleck Wants To Direct Kristen Stewart. Uhh…

"Look at her feeling so happy and safe in my arms again." "I wonder what kind of car Ben Affleck will go down on me in..." Kristen Stewart had an open affair with Rupert Sanders the director of Snow White and The Hunstman, and Ben Affleck probably had sex with Blake…
By: The Superficial / November 16, 2012

OMG, You Guys, Rob & Kristen Are Totally Standing Next To Each Other Like In The Movie!

"I just said, 'Do me in the car, Rupert!' again, didn't I? I am so sorry. It's a nervous tic, I can't help it. (Lick my pussy.) See? (Put the seatbelt around my neck.) DAMMIT!" Back in July, the world learned that Kristen Stewart has been landing roles by letting directors use her vagina…
By: The Superficial / November 13, 2012

Donald Trump Tells Robert Pattinson Not To Take Kristen Stewart Back, Is Very Concerned With This

Donald Trump may have been completely wrong about Obama's birth certificate (In The Donald's defense, the dude did look some kind of black.), but if there's one thing a double divorcee now married to a Slovenian model understands, it's love. So here he is tweet-warning Robert Pattinson not to take…
By: The Superficial / October 18, 2012

Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson Are Living Together Again Already

"Cropdusting Without Emotion: The Kristen Stewart Story" Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart just got back together (for the sake of the Twilight franchise) a few weeks ago, so of course they're already cohabiting again because a.) it's convenient and b.) you want to keep Kristen Stewart out of a car as much a…
By: The Superficial / September 26, 2012

So Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson Really Did Get Back Together

"Then you just keep doing this for awhile, and they'll pretty much do whatever the fuck you say. Next question." Earlier in the week the British tabloids were claiming that Robert Pattinson finally took Kristen Stewart back which seemed unlikely considering how epically stupid and public her cheating on him was. Tur…
By: The Superficial / September 19, 2012

Kristen Stewart Won’t Stop Wearing Robert Pattinson’s Old Clothes

Here's Kristen Stewart boarding a flight to Toronto yesterday, and as people with way more sparkle-fucks to give than me have noticed, she's wearing one of Robert Pattinson's old shirts. Because if there's one way to make a man forgive you, it's putting his T-shirt at risk of being jizzed o…
By: The Superficial / September 6, 2012

What The Hell Is Robert Pattinson Wearing? And Other News

- Rupert Sanders is getting another movie to direct on top of the potential Snow White spinoff/sequel. It's almost like Universal wanted him to bang Kristen Stewart. [Lainey Gossip] - Jessica Simpson should really take a look at this. [theCHIVE] - Anderson Cooper found out through the media that his boyfriend…
By: The Superficial / August 15, 2012

Robert Pattinson’s Ready For You Now. Nurture Him, Comfort Him

If you follow The Superficial on Facebook or Twitter, you got to see me acquire a menstrual cycle last night while watching Robert Pattinson's first post-Kristen Stewart banging Rupert Sanders interview on The Daily Show where the man was just so disarmingly charming that I almost felt bad for…
By: The Superficial / August 14, 2012

Kristen Stewart Was Pregnant With Robert Pattinson’s Baby When She Cheated

Gotcha! Sorry, I saw Hollywood Life is just making shit up about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson and got jealous. Although as a testament to my restraint and journalistic integrity, my original headline was "Kristen Stewart Aborted Robert Pattinson's Baby Into Rupert Sanders' Mouth." Not that I'm saying that didn't…
By: The Superficial / August 10, 2012

Kristen Stewart Banned From Robert Pattinson’s ‘Cosmopolis’ Premiere

Now that her black heart has sent a wounded Robert Pattinson into the perpetually-pregnant arms of Reese Witherspoon for comfort, Kristen Stewart is banned from the premiere of Cosmopolis even though no one can get a straight answer if Robert Pattinson is even showing up for it or not. All they hear…
By: The Superficial / August 3, 2012

Reese Witherspoon’s Pregnant Belly Shelters Robert Pattinson So The Healing Can Begin

Reese Witherspoon might be pregnant, but that doesn't mean she's entirely useless. Just mostly. So here's Us Weekly confirming that Robert Pattinson has taking refuge at her ranch because injecting more famous people into a perfect storm of celebrity gossip will really make shit die down quicker. I'm amazed we're still…
By: The Superficial / August 1, 2012

Robert Pattinson Kicked Kristen Stewart Out Is How That Really Went

Last week, reports claimed that Robert Pattinson had moved out of the house he shared with Kristen Stewart, except it turns out he actually owns it and didn't want to be around while she packed up her crap because he sparkle-kicked her right the fuck out. People reports: The 22-year-old…
By: The Superficial / July 31, 2012

Kristen Stewart & Rupert Sanders Were Doing It For Six Months

Kristen Stewart claimed her make-out session with Rupert Sanders was a "momentary indiscretion" because people just all of a sudden agree to meet and tongue each other's no-no places in a parking lot without a history of seeing each other naked, but Liberty Ross' brother is claiming their affair went on for…
By: The Superficial / July 30, 2012
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