Posts tagged "Rehab"

Josh Duggar Is Missing, But That’s Not Important Right Now

Everyone’s burying the lede in the Josh Duggar is missing story.

The Superficial / September 2, 2015

Jon Hamm’s Penis Went To Rehab

Apparently having a giant penis doesn’t prevent alcoholism, so great, now I’m screwed. Perfect. Just perfect.

The Superficial / March 25, 2015

Emile Hirsch Charged With Felony Assault, Checks Into Rehab

Emile Hirsch has been charged with felony assault after allegedly attacking a woman at Sundance, and choking her, while drunk off his ass. Fortunately, he’s a rich, white celebrity, so all he has to do is check into rehab (done) and it’s like the whole thing never even happened!

The Superficial / February 13, 2015

Paris Hilton’s Brother Went Completely Apeshit On A Plane

Paris Hilton’s brother Conrad Hilton was just arrested for flipping out on a plane and calling everyone on board ‘peasants’ because he turns into a feudal lord when he’s high as fuck.

The Superficial / February 4, 2015

And Now Back To Kesha Said, Dr. Luke Said

I’m going to start myself off in a hole here, and see how far I can climb myself out or dig myself even deeper as I do. Kesha’s stint in rehab for an “eating disorder” has always seemed sketchy as shit. Especially when her mom checked in with her for “PTSD” which now seems eve…

The Superficial / October 16, 2014

Robin Williams Committed Suicide (1951 – 2014)

Legendary actor/comedian Robin Williams was just found dead in his home where he reportedly committed suicide. He was 63. TMZ reports:
According to the Marin County Sheriff’s Office … authorities found William’s body inside his home. They say he was found unresponsive.
He was unconscious and not breathing and the coroner suspects suicide due to

The Superficial / August 11, 2014

Shia LaBeouf Isn’t In Rehab, He’s In AA

Following his arrest for playing Marlboro Man Grab-Ass during a production of Cabaret, there were reports that Shia LaBeouf checked into rehab. Which apparently isn’t true, but his rep told TMZ he is attending AA meetings now making the real story here that Shia LaBeouf somehow has a rep. What the hell is that jo…

The Superficial / July 2, 2014

Shia LaBeouf Is Probably In Rehab

Following his arrest Thursday night, and the string of crazy preceding it, X17online reports Shia LaBeouf has checked into rehab. (Although, Gossip Cop says that hasn’t happened yet but is probably coming soon.) And as much as I shit on Shia, I can’t even imagine what it’s like coping with the fact that one minute…

The Superficial / July 1, 2014

Kris Jenner Put A Hit On Rob Kardashian

Seen here leaving the gym with those nachos he likes yesterday, Rob Kardashian has no idea he’s about to get The Lamar Odom Treatment because here’s TMZ with a report – complete with pictures – of him using sizzurp and in desperate need of rehab which I’m sure has nothing to do with him bailing

The Superficial / June 26, 2014


“Why do all these words say ‘Punch Rihanna until the demons stop?’ Seems strange for a legal document…”
For those of you wondering what’s taken me this long to cover this, you’ll be surprised to learn that I didn’t hire Photo Boy for his speed and efficiency in mopping up gallons of semen from around…

The Superficial / March 18, 2014

It’s Time To Get Baptized In The Holy Sizzurp! #Bbare #livin4him #JCisMyPimp

While all y’all’s losin’ your minds over Selena Gomez going to rehab for an acute case of the B-Bare withdrawal, our holiest Lord and Play-vior sent forth his followers to find him the crispest, most crackalackin’ pool in all of New York to baptize himself in the name of da father, da son and the…

The Superficial / February 5, 2014

Ke$ha Has An Eating Disorder Because Her Producer Called Her A Refrigerator

Over the weekend, Ke$ha announced she’s checked into rehab for an eating disorder which apparently is the result of her producer Dr. Luke saying she looks like a “fucking refrigerator.” So here’s that while I cross out, “Girl, I want to put cold cuts in you like a Kenmore,” from my list of pickup line…

The Superficial / January 6, 2014

Chris Brown Got Kicked Out of Rehab For Throwing A Rock At His Mom’s Car Window

Let’s start from the beginning. Three weeks ago, Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting a man for photobombing him – Yup. – then preemptively checked himself into rehab for anger management to try and duck violating his probation. Barely two weeks later, Chris’ lawyer told everyone he voluntarily checked himself out to finish the…

The Superficial / November 21, 2013

Chris Brown’s In Rehab

One of the easiest ways for a celebrity to duck going to jail is to preemptively check into rehab and enjoy a 30 day vacation of spa treatments and Playstation. A hardship that Chris Brown has chosen to endure rather than throw himself at the mercy of a racist district attorney and her slight ta…

The Superficial / October 30, 2013

Lindsay Lohan Wants To Open Her Own Rehab

So this is happening. Via Radar:
“Lindsay really wants to help other people and she’s talked to some of her wealthy friends who are sober about the prospect of opening up a rehab center,” the insider revealed.
“She loves the idea and really believes that if her name is attached to it, it will hel…

The Superficial / October 7, 2013

Zac Efron Had A Coke Problem This Whole Time

“No, I’m not going to have sex with an orange juice glass on my balcony. *sniffs, rub nose, unzips pants* The fuck’s a matter with you? But, hey, listen. Call you back.”
Yesterday, the Internet got a little surprise when TMZ reported that Zac Efron secretly checked in to rehab for what was assumed to…

The Superficial / September 18, 2013

Lamar Odom’s Gone Rogue

If any of the Kardashians were to ever go off the reservation, my money was always on Khloe after jumping up on Kris Jenner’s bed with a dead Mason, Penelope or North in her mouth as a present. (She’d also be covered in soap suds and shake herself dry while “Roll Over, Beethoven,” played, but…

The Superficial / September 5, 2013

Ben Affleck Visited Lindsay Lohan In Rehab

Because Ben Affleck clearly won’t stop until Jennifer Garner roundhouses his genitals into another dimension, he secretly visited Lindsay Lohan in rehab to offer his advice and support while she pretends to get her shit together for the 87th time. TMZ reports:
We’re told Ben talked to Lindsay about how to make a comeback i…

The Superficial / August 13, 2013

So Remember How Lindsay Lohan Said She Was Staying In Rehab Longer?

On Monday, Dina Lohan called into TMZ and told them Lindsay was so concerned with her sobriety that she was going to stay in rehab longer before transitioning back into the real world. So naturally here she is leaving the exact minute her court-mandated time was up yesterday. Although, in her defense, it’s easier to…

The Superficial / July 31, 2013

Lindsay Lohan Is So Super Serious About Sobriety She’s Staying In Rehab Longer, You Guys

Because Lindsay Lohan is in full PR mode now that her court-ordered rehab stint ends tomorrow, she’s announced she’s going to follow the advice of professionals and stay in rehab longer because she’s so totally changed this time. So I guess we won’t be seeing her until the end of August. Or Saturday. How’s Saturday…

The Superficial / July 30, 2013
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