Prince William


More Prince William stories

There’s Another Royal Baby Already

Her Royal Highness Princess Charlotte of Cambridge will now grace us with her presence merely minutes upon exiting the royal noonerhole. More »

Behold! The Royal Uterus Has Been Resperminated! God Save The Queen!

“But, dear, what if it’s.. what if it’s a ginger?”
“Then you shall do what your father lacked the stones to do.”
“Kill mother and grandmother with his own two hands?”
“Haha! Heavens no, but that was a good one. Well done. I’m thinking more along the lines of a cliff and… More »

It’s The Royal Knickers, It Is

And so the royal Duchess of Cambridge did alight from her air carriage to show the young Prince George his expanding New Zealand empire where he would soon christen his Parliamentary Bird Flipping Regiment: Self Fornication Division. But first, the young prince had other matters at hand, namely using his psychic abilities to display the… More »


“I can’t flip anybody off in here! RELEASE YOUR KING AT ONCE.”

Some people might say this site is the worst possible type of blog imaginable, soul rotting, bullshit even, and those people would be mostly right except they’d be forgetting there’s still one step below me: Mommy blogs. Case in point: The… More »

Behold! The Royal Rugrat Has Been Named

First off, huge thanks to everyone in the comments yesterday for pointing out the Royal Baby was flipping everybody off. I fucking love this kid already. And now the little scoundrel has a name, according to People:

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to announce that they have named their son… More »

And, Wow, It’s The Royal Baby Already. Okay.

While Kim Kardashian is still keeping her over-a-month-old daughter under wraps for maximum publicity, not even 24 hours after giving birth, Kate Middleton and Prince William literally walked their newborn son into a crowd of people outside of the hospital like it ain’t no thing. “A baby, you say? Oh, right, this little chap. Yes,… More »

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Royal Cervix Has Been Breached!

And so, per royal decree some quietly whisper was born out of fear the child might encounter the music of a “Justin Bieber,” the royal baby was instantly rocketed into space with specific instructions to colonize the moon in the name of England. The Americans never saw it coming.

If you haven’t heard… More »

Behold! The Royal Fetus Has A Moniker

Us Weekly has apparently learned the name of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s daughter who, according to my knowledge of royal lineage, will be dubbed The Supreme Empress of Biscuits upon her birth at which point Parliament shall cede all of its power to her, ushering forth a new era of jellies and assorted jams. More »

Kate Middleton’s (Probably) Having A Girl

According to the British tabloids, Kate Middleton almost said a word that starts with “D,” and since the British are forbidden from using the term “douchecanoe” on non-labor holidays, a consensus has been reached that the royal uterus has been sullied with a female heir. And so, per custom, after the child has been sloughed… More »

Receptionist Who Fell For Royal Family/Kate Middleton Radio Show Prank Found Dead

Sorry for posting twice about the royal family – Please accept these Kate Middleton bikini photos as a token of my apologies. – but right as I hit “Publish” on the potential royal twins, the receptionist who fell for the radio show prank where two DJs pretended to be the royal family was just found… More »

Kate Middleton Might Be Having Twins

Now that the world knows Prince William has performed his royal duty of inseminating Kate Middleton while wielding Excalibur, here comes the inevitable speculation of how many things might fall out of her vagina and in what order because it’s about to get all Game of Thrones up in here. People reports:

According… More »

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Duchess of Cambridge’s Royal Uterus Has Been Sperminated!

“You’ve done it now, William, there’s no saving the bloodline after this. Why could you not have a girl, mother?!”

After all that naked stuff happened to them back in September, Kate Middleton and Prince Charles needed something to distract from the Royal Brillo Pad of Pelvicton Lane and while racism seemed like… More »

Behold! Her Majesty’s Carpet Matches The Drapes

“This one no shave pussy. INTO THE VOLCANO!”

For those of you just tuning into the Internet, a few months back Kate Middleton and Prince William basically ran around Florence rubbing their naked genitals all over anything and everything including themselves. Except despite numerous lawsuits and promises from The Queen herself to make… More »

Here’s One Way To Distract From The Royal Nipples

“Ah, yes, racism. Racism will keep the local systems in line. Or at least not looking at my wife’s tits- Wait, is that a smartphone? Dammit! Alright, then, who wants blankets? Warm, soothing to the smell blankets you want to be sure to inhale deeply from. You take’em big breaths.”

Alternate Caption: Gwyneth… More »

The Whole World Has Pics of Kate Middleton and Prince William Doing Naked Stuff

“How did they know we were going to shag in this tree?”
“Just keep smiling.”

On Friday, French magazine Closer published, then immediately unpublished (I mentioned they’re French, right?) topless photos of Kate Middleton and also revealed they have pics of her doing Prince William. Pics that YouPorn has now offered to… More »

Topless Kate Middleton Pics Are On The Internet

If you’ve been following the news closely, the big story this week in international news besides something about YouTube (?) is French magazine Closer publishing pics of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless in Provence. Pics that are now widely available on the Internet and regrettably boring as hell because they were taken from three countries over. More »

Justin Bieber To Prince William: ‘Yo, Why You Bald?’

In case you were wondering how the Justin Bieber “I’m A Little Shithead” tour is going, he’s now moved on to insulting British royalty for going bald because apparently everyone should have finely coiffed, Canadian Maple Christ hair, that probably softens to the touch and smells of cinnamon and gummy bears. Or so I hear. More »

Pippa Who?

“I want to thank you for this, my love. You see, my family didn’t appease the Nazis for me to grow up and have a wife whose arse is eclipsed by that of her sister. It’s simply not done. Like having a castle with teapots who don’t talk like Angela Lansbury and have little teacup… More »

Kate Middleton’s (Probably) Pregnant

Through thickest cervix, and blackest ovary,
No pregnant womb shall escape my sight.. ary.

Seen here leaving a concert in London last night, Kate Middleton has been the subject of rampant pregnancy rumors, and conveniently carrying her clutch in front of her stomach like they taught her in Princess School has the… More »

The Duke and Duchess Grace America With Their Graceness

“We recolonize them at dawn. I’ll ready the churros.”

After their royal wedding distracted the world from America shooting Osama bin Laden in the face, the newly-named Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William and Kate Middleton, brought their North American visit to Los Angeles over the weekend where they gazed lovingly upon… More »

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