Posts tagged "Paris Hilton"

Rich F*cking Assholes Acting Like Hippies (Coachella)

It’s that time of the year again when celebrities spend thousands of dollars to hang out with other celebrities and pretend they’re all dirty hippies.

By: The Superficial / April 13, 2015

The Rest of The 57th Annual Grammy Awards

The other people at the Grammys who didn’t get their own posts. Pity them. Pity their lowly lot in life.

By: The Superficial / February 9, 2015

Haha! You Have To Look At Paris Hilton All Morning

Enjoy Paris Hilton’s maybe-implants while we switch over to the new site which technically you’re already looking at, but this post got lost, so just roll with it, alright?

By: The Superficial / January 20, 2015

And Superman Has Herpes Now. Goddammit.

Here’s Henry Cavill leaving Chateau Marmont last night looking drunk as hell which explains him getting into a car with Paris Hilton. Although in his defense, her vagina probably looks like Doomsday, so I bet he just thinks he’s on set. Which is how I’m trying to lie to myself that I wouldn’t do the…

By: The Superficial / January 9, 2015

A Paris Hilton Panty Flash Post? Why Not?

In case you can’t tell we’re circling the holiday toilet for news, I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan today, and now here’s Paris Hilton flashing her panties because it’s 2006 again. (To top it off, this is me punting my way to a Bertney post to complete the trifecta.) You’ll also notice Paris has a…

By: The Superficial / December 17, 2014

Miley Cyrus Made Out With Paris Hilton

Miley Cyrus is always looking for some stupid, new edgy shit to do, and what’s more stupid and edgy than sticking your tongue in a petri dish of death and disease? Which is probably the nicest thing I’ll ever say about Paris Hilton‘s mouth. The holidays just bring it out of me. Page Six reports:…

By: The Superficial / December 8, 2014

Paris Hilton Makes $347,000/Hour To Press Play

In a world where Kim Kardashian‘s app makes $85 million and Michael Bay movies dominate the box office, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that Paris Hilton makes over six times the median yearly salary in the US in just one hour for pressing play. Page Six reports:

The 33-year-old hotel heire…

By: The Superficial / August 11, 2014

Paris Hilton Made Another Carl’s Jr. Commercial

Like a flare up that eventually goes away if you just stop itching it, Paris Hilton is being shoved into our faces again with a new Carl’s Jr. ad that she’s somehow getting all the credit for despite the fact it stars Hannah Ferguson and Paris is just a cameo which is fucking bullshit. Hannah’…

By: The Superficial / July 25, 2014

Chris Brown Threw A Charity Kickball Game

Chris Brown just got out of jail for violating his probation from beating the shit out of a woman, so why wouldn’t Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra, Amber Rose, Christina Milian, and Kendall and Kylie Jenner show up to his charity kickball game? What does violence against women have to do with them? It’s not like…

By: The Superficial / July 21, 2014

Well, That Horse Is Dead

Here’s Paris Hilton‘s new video for “Come Alive” which I didn’t make Photo Boy screencap because I like to draw the line at sexually-tinged indentured servitude. Anyway, I don’t know what the digital equivalent of taking a piss on something then lighting it on fire is (Wait. Yes, I do.), so here are some bikini

By: The Superficial / July 16, 2014

Who Got Herpes This Weekend? And Other News

- Robin Thicke misses Paula Patton so bad he has to bang groupies three at a time. [Lainey Gossip]

- Katy Perry‘s a Christian, you guys, and a Christian would never steal music. [Dlisted]

- Top Instagram Girls You Probably Don’t Know About [theCHIVE]

– This is what a…

By: The Superficial / July 6, 2014

Chris Rock Won The BET Awards

I absolutely hate awards shows because the last thing celebrities need is more sunshine to the anus, so I treat each and every one with the same amount of disdain by blowing through them as quickly as possible. So here’s Chris Rock‘s monologue at last night’s BET Awards which kicked off an evening of trashing…

By: The Superficial / June 30, 2014

Adriana Lima, Paris Hilton, Jennifer Lawrence: They All Wanna Piece O’ #BBare

Because my boy #BBare also comes in French Canadian (and Extra Crispy Ranch), the hardest, darkest rapper this side of Ontario-town took his show to Cannes where he worked his swampy magic on ALL da pussy startin’ with Jennifer Lawrence who straight up had Da Hunga Games all up in dem panties. Danity Fair:…

By: The Superficial / May 20, 2014

Rich People Pretending To Be Groovy Hippies, Man

Now that we’ve seen Leonardo DiCaprio dancing, the continued effects of lupus on the mind, and British on Dutch foreplay, here’s the rest of the rich people pretending to be earth spirits or some stupid shit they told themselves on the jet ride over. In their defense, they only get 30-40 weeks a year to…

By: The Superficial / April 14, 2014

Herpes: It’s What’s For Breakfast And Other News

- Leonardo DiCaprio‘s silent campaign to beat Matthew McConaughey at the Oscars. [Lainey Gossip]

- Ellen Page made what everyone knew official. [Dlisted]

- My Big Ol’ Boobies, Tis of Thee… [theCHIVE]

- Chris Brown is very concerned about women now. [Fishwrapper]

- Martha Stewart wants to…

By: The Superficial / February 17, 2014

Lil’ Kim Is Pregnant. Somehow.

I’ve always lived under the impression that Lil Kim‘s uterus was replaced with a diamond studded Mrs. Potato Head, so I’m honestly trying to process this information along with alerting Interpol that someone found Hitler’s long-range birthing gun and that it looks like this. Us Weekly reports:

Lil’ Kim took to the stage…

By: The Superficial / February 13, 2014

The 56th Annual Grammy Awards

Remember that scene in Man of Steel where Superman’s drowning in all those skulls? That’s literally the only way to describe what it’s felt like today covering the Grammys. So think of this last gallery as me escaping those skulls (Without Space Dad helping. Aw, what?) except some of them are grabbing John Legend‘s dick

By: The Superficial / January 27, 2014

Lindsay Lohan Had Paris Hilton’s Little Brother Beaten, Or Something

Lindsay Lohan can blow a man’s penis so hard reality bends around it which is really all the information you need to know in “The Case of Barron Hilton Getting His Face Punched In At Her Request,” but I’m going to tell you more anyway because somehow I’m contractually obligated to write words under the…

By: The Superficial / December 9, 2013

Paris Hilton Was Miley Cyrus For Halloween

The most desperately irrelevant celebrity dressing up as the most sadly relevant one is basically the Hollywood version of a snake eating its own tail which seems like the kind of thing Satan would enjoy on his birthday, so I’ll allow it. Unless Paris Hilton starts doing Vagina Melvins which he would not enjoy and…

By: The Superficial / October 28, 2013

Paris Hilton’s Been Reduced To Posing For Pumpkin Patch Photos, Peter Piper

There was a time when Paris Hilton was the top pseudo-celebrity on the planet, but that was before Kim Kardashian stepped on her neck and let Ray J pee on her. Now, Paris is reduced to showing up for staged photo shoots at Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch which is some Shauna Sand shit along with…

By: The Superficial / October 21, 2013
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