More MTV EMAs stories

What’s That Dang Ol’ Miley Cyrus Doin’ With Her Bergina Now?

Here’s Miley Cyrus with dang ol’ dolla bills down her drawers ’cause y’all think she’s one of dem debbil stripper woman flashin’ her hootenanny to every Tom, Dick and Jane. It’s a joke, ya see? Sasfire. Lil’ Mark Twain her pappy used to call her. Or maybe just Mark. Dem Cyruses ain’t exactly right.
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Hey, Miley Cyrus’ Vagina, Long Time, No See

The 2013 MTV EMAs were held in Amsterdam last night, so here’s Miley Cyrus smoking weed, the burnout restaurant employee drug of choice, on stage after bringing back the Vagina Melvin (I’m treating it like a celebrity now.) for her performance because somewhere in her publicist’s office sits a Post-It note that reads, “Labia Every… More »

Heidi Klum’s Breasts Will Make It All Better

It’s been a tumultuous morning of love torn asunder and puppets having gay sex with minors (allegedly), so here’s Heidi Klum looking awesome at last night’s MTV EMAs to remind us that there’s still beauty in the world. Also, Taylor Swift did that thing where she actually looks hot and not the same old boring… More »

Here’s Where I Start Saying Katy Perry’s Pregnant

I’ve accused accurately predicted with precision gynecological skills celebrities of being pregnant with way less of a protruding stomach – I’m pretty sure Selena Gomez’s is concave. – so I have absolutely no qualms about saying Russell Brand booted a heroin-baby into Katy Perry. Why else would she show up to the MTV EMAs with… More »

Eva Longoria and The Rest of The MTV EMAs

So I can move on to more important business, here’s the rest of the MTV EMAs for your viewing pleasure:

Eva Longoria, who apparently hosted the show with her ass.
Rihanna “performing” with Bon Jovi. (Video below.)
Ke$ha being allowed near Miley Cyrus. Oh, good.
And Kelly Brook to make… More »

Katy Perry is Killing Russell Brand

It’s been two weeks since Katy Perry and Russell Brand were married in India and it feels like they fell off the face of the earth because people almost immediately lost interest. Cut to Saturday night where Katy and Russell made their first public appearance at the MTV EMAs and you’ll notice something missing: Humongous… More »

And Taylor Momsen Keeps Trumping Miley

No matter how many choreographed camel thrusts Miley Cyrus performs in front of a live audience, Taylor Momsen will always be two breasts steps breasts ahead of her taking it to the next level. Which is exactly what happened at the MTV EMAs Saturday night where Taylor acted like she didn’t shove her underage cleavage… More »

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