Posts tagged "Minnesota Vikings"

In Response To Adrian Peterson’s Super Dad Tweet

The “whooping” – as Peterson put it when interviewed by police – occurred in Spring, Texas, in May. Peterson’s son had pushed another one of Peterson’s children off of a motorbike video game. As punishment, Peterson grabbed a tree branch – which he consistently referred to as a “switch” – removed the leaves and struck

The Superficial | November 10, 2014 - 11:28 am

Adrian Peterson’s Nike Contract Is Suspended

Because if everyone works fast enough, the NFL can sweep this all up by Thursday night, Nike has suspended Adrian Peterson’s contract, according to ESPN’s Darren Rovell:
“Nike in no way condones child abuse [Ed. Note: I’ll assume “but our factories though” got cut off. – SW] or domestic violence of any kind and has…

The Superficial | September 17, 2014 - 1:42 pm

Adrian Peterson Suspended From Minnesota Vikings Indefinitely

The Minnesota Vikings thought they could squeeze Adrian Peterson into at least one game and score a win this Sunday before they’d be forced to cut him from the team in because some hippie-dippie types don’t understand good old fashioned southern whooppings and the intrinsic value of beating kids so they turn into violent, hulking…

The Superficial | September 17, 2014 - 10:43 am

Adrian Peterson Allegedly Beat Another Kid

“See, Mike, your mistake was using dogs. Now kids? Kids are where the good whoopin’s at. Not only is that shit legal, but mothafucka’s will actually go on TV and defend your ass.”
“For real?”
“Google Charles Barkley, son.”

Because Adrian Peterson’s parents understood the value of good, old-fashioned southern whoopings,…

The Superficial | September 16, 2014 - 12:43 pm

On Adrian Peterson And ‘Whooping’ Kids

[Ed. Note: As I was writing this post, the Minnesota Vikings announced Adrian Peterson will be playing this Sunday because the NFL hates women and children as much as you do. They do interrupt a lot of games. – SW]

Because the Ray Rice elevator video wasn’t enough to remind everyone that the…

The Superficial | September 15, 2014 - 12:44 pm

Chris Kluwe Just Wrote An Epic Article About Why He Was Really Fired From The Vikings

Former Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe quickly became an Internet hero after writing an open letter defending Brendon Ayanbadejo a linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens who was chastised for defending gay rights. Kluwe later became an outspoken advocate for equality and Twitter sensation before suddenly finding himself cut from the Vikings. While the team denied…

The Superficial | January 2, 2014 - 1:49 pm

Brett Favre Retires, As If That Means Something

Amidst an avalanche of controversy triggered by his penis, Brett Favre has officially filed retirement paperwork with the NFL again, according to
The 41-year-old quarterback stated 2010 was his final season after rejoining the Vikings in August and reiterated that intent throughout an injury-plagued campaign.
Favre’s NFL-record string of 297 consecutive regular-season starts ended…

The Superficial | January 18, 2011 - 8:40 am

Brett Favre is Having an Awesome Season

When he’s not being fined for failing to cooperate with penis photo investigations or sued for sexually harassing two masseuses at the same time, Brett Favre gets to watch his sister Brandi Favre be arrested for running a bathtub meth lab and have his name attached to every single headline across the U.S .because his…

The Superficial | January 13, 2011 - 11:33 am

Brett Favre Will Be Fined For Penis Photos

While earlier reports suggested Brett Favre would not suffer any consequences for sending sextual messages – including pictures of his penis – to New York Jets reporter Jenn Sterger in 2008, reports Favre will, in fact, be fined by the NFL:
Commissioner Roger Goodell is likely to fine, but not suspend, Minnesota Vikings quarterback…

The Superficial | December 29, 2010 - 12:41 pm

Jenn Sterger Will ‘Go Public’ if Brett Favre Isn’t Punished By NFL

“These were a great choice. What could possibly go wrong?”
With all signs pointing to the NFL pretending it wasn’t Brett Favre who sent photos of his penis to Jenn Sterger while she was employed by the New York Jets, she’s finally decided to break her silence and will come forward with an “overabundance of…

The Superficial | December 7, 2010 - 11:29 am

Brett Favre: ‘Okay, I Left Those Voicemails’

A still-married, as of this post, Brett Favre has finally confessed to leaving Jenn Sterger (above) creepy voicemails while he was playing for the New York Jets and she worked as a team reporter. However, Brett insists he did not send her photos of his penis because everyone knows infidelity should be a classy affair,…

The Superficial | October 25, 2010 - 1:20 pm