Michael Lohan


More Michael Lohan stories

Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Wants To Take Jewelry Out of Egor’s Ass

Michael Lohan has a particular set of skills. Skills that will allow him to exploit Lindsay Lohan at any moment and sell whatever he can get his hands on to TMZ. More »

Here Are The Two Things Lindsay Lohan’s Lying About Today

No, the guy Lindsay Lohan’s blowing for a while isn’t her boyfriend, and no, he’s not reviving her career. More »

Child Services Are About 29 Years Late

Child services took Michael Lohan and Kate Major’s kids because they’re Michael Lohan and Kate Major. More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Oprah Series Has A Trailer

Here’s the trailer for Lindsay Lohan’s new docu-series which makes the trailer for Transformers 4 look like the most realistic shit you’ll see all morning. More importantly, it further proves that Lindsay will do literally anything for money including letting Oprah treat her like a dog she’s trying to house break if dogs loved coke… More »

Oprah Banished Lindsay Lohan’s Parents

There’s no way he knows who he’s posing with. Just no way.

Oprah has made some mistakes over the years like propping up Jenny McCarthy’s anti-vaccine horseshit or, even worse, not stopping this Stevie Wonder pic from happening because, again, goddammit. So this time she’s going to play things right by constantly being… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Lawyer Deemed Incompetent By Judge After Trying To Get Her Case Dismissed

Had Lindsay Lohan taken a plea deal earlier this week and agreed to 60 days of rehab that would’ve easily been whittled down to two weeks after she punches the entire staff, her shady as shit lawyer Mark Heller could’ve avoided going into court today to get her entire lying-to-police case dismissed. A move that… More »

There Is Another… Lohan… Again

Speaking of children who have no business existing, while Lindsay Lohan spent yesterday in court watching her new lawyer perform such dazzling legal maneuvers as “This here’s my lucky rabbit’s foot” and “Lookin’ beautiful today, ya honah,” (No really.), her dad was learning that 8,567 kicks to the vagina still isn’t enough to abort a… More »

Michael Lohan Just Got Paid To Say Lindsay Both Is And Isn’t A Prostitute

Michael Lohan might be a violent rapist and a shitheel of a father, but one thing he’s not is a complete idiot, so here he is telling Radar for a check that Lindsay Lohan is most definitely a prostitute now (which she is) and that her mother’s her pimp (which she is):

“She… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Threatens To Sue Her Mom If She Keeps Saying He Raped Her

Seen here still in London even though she had a court hearing on Monday that they would’ve thrown her ass in jail for not showing up to, but it was delayed that morning which she had no way of knowing would happen, Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael apparently isn’t a big fan of her mom DinaMore »

Dina Lohan Sold Abuse Photos To Entertainment Tonight. Of Course.

When you’re a pimp stupid enough to leave your ho in another country unsupervised, of course that trick is going to start holding out on you, so here’s Dina Lohan in an old photograph from the 80s where she’s allegedly sporting a black eye from Michael which she naturally sold to Entertainment Tonight. More »

Lindsay Lohan Didn’t Show Up For Court Because Her Dad Allegedly Raped Dina 20 Years Ago. Yup.

“All that vah-ka gimme new parents? No? Nexbar!”

Lindsay Lohan was scheduled appear in court this morning where prosecutors would determine whether or not to charge her for allegedly assaulting a psychic who allegedly was trying to steal the dude she’s stalking. Except photos of her kept surfacing in London all weekend where… More »

It’s Not Lindsay Lohan’s Fault She Owes Money To The IRS, You Guys

Lindsay Lohan’s bank accounts were seized yesterday by the IRS, so naturally here comes the part where she blames everyone else despite constantly floating Dina’s mortgage and demanding to be paid in cash for her endorsement deals and, uh, other “side jobs” so she can hide the money from her management team who will probably… More »

Lindsay Lohan’s Publicist Quit

After a year and a half of trying to convince everyone that Lindsay Lohan isn’t a drug addict who will rob and/or run over you blind the second you turn your back on her, Steve Honig has finally resigned as her publicist. What was the last straw? Having to talk to Michael Lohan on the… More »

Vagina Kicker Johnson And The Case Of The Coked Out Conservatorship

So on Friday, Michael Lohan decided to stage an intervention at Lindsay Lohan’s house after she completely blew off her voice work on The Canyons Thursday. This ended in Lindsay calling the police who removed Michael from the scene, so he’s spent the entire time since (and assume prior) blabbing to the media while she’s… More »

Lindsay Lohan Just Endorsed Mitt Romney

Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan called into TMZ Live and basically said her dad’s dead to her for recording her desperate call for help during her fight with Dina and then tried to say she lied to him about her mom doing coke. Which is, of course, bullshit, so she quickly needed a distraction from that, and… More »

Of Course Lindsay Lohan’s Paying For Dina’s House

Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan and her mom Dina got into a giant fight after leaving a nightclub at 4 a.m. where they presumably did a whole bunch of coke on top of drinking the demons out of them. The start of the fight was money which TMZ reports Lindsay really did give to Dina to keep… More »

Lindsay Lohan Told Her Dad Dina Was High On Cocaine, Is Probably A Good Judge Of That

“Be a good girl and suck all those dicks like I told you. Mommy loves you.”

Seen here conveniently hugging in front of the paparazzi after their drunken brawl last night, Lindsay Lohan and Dina were apparently fighting over money last night, according to Michael Lohan who was actually the one who called… More »

Michael Lohan Wants You To Think He Has Suge Knight On Speed Dial

“Alright, shirt, it’s only a matter of time until I find your vagina and kick it. Now where’s the trigger? WHERE IS IT?!”

Despite the fact everyone knows the Lindsay Lohan jewel theft fiasco ended because she blew the victim so hard his mind melted, her dad is trying to tell people it’s… More »

Dina Lohan Says She’s Not Drunk On ‘Dr. Phil,’ Michael Lohan Says ‘The F-ck You Weren’t’

In case you missed it yesterday, above is the Dr. Phil promo where Dina Lohan is so visibly drunk that only someone like Dina Lohan would even think of saying she wasn’t and blame the editing which is, of course, exactly what Dina Lohan did which, of course, led to Michael Lohan finding a TMZMore »

Michael Lohan Hopes His New Bastard Turns Out Just Like Lindsay. Me Too.

It’s always a good rule of thumb to never make a big announcement about being pregnant during the first trimester because if anything really bad’s going to go wrong, it’s then. However, this approach doesn’t allow you to call Harvey Levin while Kate Major is still wiping the pee off her snooch and scream, “BABY! More »

Page 1 of 7