Michael Jackson


More Michael Jackson stories

Michael Jackson Had Tons Of Animal And Child Torture Porn: Report

Michael Jackson was into some sick, perverted shit? Get out. More »

Joseph Fiennes Is Playing Michael Jackson And The Internet Is Pissed

White British actor Joseph Fiennes is playing Michael Jackson in a TV movie and Twitter ain’t having it. More »

Michael Jackson ‘Passed The Torch’ To Aaron Carter? Haha, Drugs

Aaron Carter claims Michael Jackson passed down the torch to him, which he honored by doing jackshit for the past 10 years. More »

Michael Jackson Wanted To Play Jar Jar Binks. No, Really.

Michael Jackson Used To Prank Call Russell Crowe

Michael Jackson apparently spent years prank calling Russell Crowe even though the two had never met or spoken to each before. This is why we Internet. More »

Michael Jackson Threatened Maids With ‘Doo-Doo Snowballs’: A Serious Internet Report

While the rest of the world continues to mourn the tragic loss of Robin Williams, it falls on my journalistic shoulders to keep the Internet spinning by chronicling Michael Jackson’s use of weaponized poop. I have a responsibility, dammit! The New York Post reports:

Neverland’s manicured lawns and fairy-tale facade masked a house… More »

Michael Jackson Used To Call Jizz ‘Duck Butter’

“Duck butter?”
“Duck butter.”
“… I’m going to let Ashton Kutcher impregnate me.”
“Fair response.”

Up until now, you probably thought a child sex alarm and spending $35 million over the course of at least 24 kids were the most disturbing allegations you’d ever hear about Michael Jackson. Except here… More »


Just last week Michael Jackson was hit with new molestation claims, so what better time to have a hologram of him perform at last night’s Billboard Music Awards? Who wouldn’t want that in their living room? … More »

So Lady GaGa’s ‘G.U.Y.’ Video Happened

Instead of getting into Lady Gaga’s “ARTPOP film” video for “G.U.Y.” and all the Real Housewives bullshit that dwells within, let me tell you about the most fucked up celebrity dream I’ve ever had in all my years writing this site and that’s coming off of an least three year run where I’m back in… More »

All Hail The New Teflon Don of Pop, Y’All! #CantTouchThis #RuffRyda #RODNEYKING

Last week, the Miami PD thought they could snatch up the realest real Numba One Stunna in the middle of working his Lambo game, but what them fools didn’t realize is that they tried to contain a mothafuckin’ deity inbused with the power of Michael all up in dat ass. Just straight up in there. More »

Chris Brown Is Just Like Trayvon Martin And Other Bullshit He Actually Said Out Loud

Chris Brown is the cover interview for the October issue of Jet where he whines and bitches about nobody bringing up the fact that Jay Z stabbed a guy while equating himself with Tupac, Michael Jackson and B.I.G. Fortunately, he’s figured out the answer to that, and it’s racism because his life is just like… More »

Justin Bieber’s Still Trying To Be Michael Jackson

“If I build an amusement park at my house, we’re allowed to have sleepovers? No way!”

Justin Bieber has mentioned before that he sees himself as the next Michael Jackson, but I just assumed he forgot all that like a kid who wants to take guitar lessons only to quit and become the… More »

Of Course Michael Jackson Had A ‘Child Sex Alarm’

Left to right: Macualay Culkin, Giggles The Dead Clown Who Couldn’t Keep Special Secrets, Michael Jackson

Apparently it’s “Remember How Much Michael Jackson Loved Molesting Kids Week” because TMZ has new details from Wade Robson’s lawsuit against the King of Pop’s estate that alleges he had a “child sex alarm” which is exactly… More »

Michael Jackson Allegedly Spent $35 Million On Over 24 Child Molestation Cover-Ups

If I’m reading this correctly, Michael Jackson allegedly hired infamous private investigator Anthony Pellicano to find out what children had cases against Michael and bury them. From there Pellicano allegedly hired an associate to help in his investigation who’s now talking to the media after “secret FBI files” were found that claim Michael paid out… More »

Paris Jackson Attempted Suicide

So this happened. ET Online reports:

Debbie Rowe has confirmed exclusively to Entertainment Tonight that Paris Jackson tried to commit suicide and is currently in a Los Angeles hospital.
She was rushed to the hospital with cuts on her wrist in the early morning hours. Rowe tells ET that Jackson has had… More »

Michael Jackson’s Family Keeps Kidnapping Each Other Or Something, Who The Hell Knows?

Right off the bat, I blame the lesbian kid. Or whichever Jackson is looking right at his crotch-gina. Either one.

So “something” is happening at Michael Jackson’s mansion, but what exactly is anybody’s guess. His siblings are getting into fights with each other right outside the house, Katherine Jackson may or may not… More »

Justin Bieber is God’s Gift To The World, But First He Has To Become Michael Jackson

Excerpts from Justin Bieber’s interview with V Magazine have been cropping up online over the past 24 hours, but now it’s been posted in its entirety, and Jesus Christ is this kid going to be the death of us all. I actually sat down and read the whole thing which is basically a three page… More »

Conrad Murray Guilty Of Involuntarily Manslaughter In Michael Jackson Case

He still had so many lives to touch. Mostly little ones. With penises.

Dr. Conrad Murray has just been found guilty of involuntary manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson to the applause of his fans, according to CNN:

Murray had no expression as the verdict was read.
That means… More »

Justin Bieber Wasn’t At The Michael Jackson Tribute? C’mon!

Boy, Prince Michael looks just like his father. (His dad’s Ted from Hey Dude, right?)

While planning the Michael Jackson Forever Tribute concert in South Wales Saturday night, someone forgot to invite Justin Bieber essentially making the entire production a massive piss on the man’s grave. Because if there’s one thing Michael would’ve… More »

Jermaine Helped Michael Catch Young Boys in a Net, That’s How I Read This

When attempting to whitewash your younger brother’s image as an insatiable pedophile, Rule #1 is to never ascribe anything to non-Western sensibilities on man-on-boy sleeping arrangements. A crucial step someone forgot to tell Jermaine Jackson before he sat down with Piers Morgan and revealed his family’s plans to smuggle Michael to Bahrain should he be… More »

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