Posts tagged "Michael Bay"

Michael Bay Should Only Do This, Nothing But This

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be a childhood-raping CGI abortion that already made enough money to greenlight a sequel because you people are the fucking devil except here’s Michael Bay proving he still serves a purpose in this world and that purpose is Victoria’s Secret commercials. Sure, any idiot can point a camera at hot

The Superficial | August 11, 2014 - 1:37 pm

Michael Bay Is The Antichrist: A Review of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Last week, I missed a significant chunk of Guardians of The Galaxy thanks to pure death violently escaping my body. And yet what I did get to see in a fevered, anxious fugue was still light years beyond Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in every possible way. If Guardians was a throwback to classic 80s adventures…

The Superficial | August 8, 2014 - 8:18 pm

‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the official trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which looks exactly like what you’d expect from a Ninja Turtle movie made by Michael Bay and the director of Battle Los Angeles. That said, I didn’t see any testicles or giant turtle dicks, so I hope every single person involved gets AIDS in the mouth.

The Superficial | March 27, 2014 - 12:57 pm

‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the full-length trailer for Transformers: Age of Extinction which surprisingly is not about Mark Wahlberg stopping 9/11 while riding a robot dinosaur (a euphemism for the awesomeness of non-masturbatory vaginal sex if there ever was one), so whoever wrote it can fuck themselves in the face until they get throat cancer and die. That’s…

The Superficial | March 5, 2014 - 10:03 am

Never Ask Michael Bay To Describe His Work Without A Teleprompter

*chisels ice off dick* Okay, I’m ready.

Because his movies are 1,000% visual and -13% plot, story and characters, Michael Bay was invited to CES 2014 to showcase the new Samsung Curved 105-inch television. And literally all he had to do was talk about his life’s work as a director which apparently is…

The Superficial | January 7, 2014 - 10:51 am

Michael Bay Was Attacked By A Zombie, Your Mind-P*ssy Just Got Exploded With Truth

“So things are getting hot, right? She’s laying on the Ferrari, all writhing and shit. I’m primed and ready to drop my C4. Except if you look at my fingers, you’ll notice the one I’m about to collide into is not in the shape of a hole, and that’s why my car was on fire…

The Superficial | October 18, 2013 - 10:25 am

Michael Bay Got Attacked By Triads In Hong Kong

“Dude, dude, check it out. I’m with a hot chick, and the kind black dudes like. That’s funny!”
While filming Transformers: Age of Extinction in Hong Kong this morning, Michael Bay suddenly found himself being exactly right that time he said all Chinese people know karate because two of them started kicking him in the…

The Superficial | October 17, 2013 - 12:19 pm

Michael Bay’s Making Megan Fox Jump On A Trampoline. Good, Good…

Earlier in the week, shots of Megan Fox on the set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were making the rounds, but they were boring as shit, so we ignored them. Fortunately, Michael Bay is the genius auteur of our time and made her jump on a trampoline in yoga pants all day yesterday. Whether this…

The Superficial | May 8, 2013 - 10:43 am

Attention Michael Bay: Stop Everything And Do This Instead

Posted by Photo Boy
The Michael Bay produced live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles went from being scrapped to casting Megan Fox as April O’Neil, but none of that matters now because this video just slapped an “astoundingly thick” turtle penis on everyone’s face. They’re also not aliens anymore and Michael Bay never said any of…

Photo Boy | May 1, 2013 - 10:30 am

It’s Michael Bay’s New Victoria’s Secret Commercial

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Michael Bay should be doing absolutely nothing but making Victoria’s Secret commercials. Not so much that they’re works of genius – It’s pointing a camera at women who would look hot in a beekeeper’s suit. – but mostly so he stops doing anything else. Also, this…

The Superficial | April 17, 2013 - 2:27 pm

Megan Fox Apologized To Michael Bay Because No One Would Hire Her

It’s been almost four years since Steven Spielberg made Michael Bay fire Megan Fox after she called him Hitler causing her career to basically flatline even though she thought she was Jesus’ gift to movies and not at all one of eight million girls who get off a bus in LA everyday and are fully…

The Superficial | February 28, 2013 - 11:37 am

Megan Fox & Michael Bay Need Each Other

“Will I be playing April O’Neil’s mom? Ahahahaha… Yes.”
Up until yesterday, I knew exactly two things to be true: Megan Fox’s acting career was over, but she was trying to pass it off as her choice it so she could stop being objectified and focus on being a mom. And Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant

The Superficial | February 22, 2013 - 10:03 am

And Now Alessandra Ambrosio & Candice Swanepoel Posing in Lingerie For Michael Bay

Because these deserve better than getting lost in yesterday’s Grammys coverage, here’s Alessandra Ambrosio, Candice Swanepoel and Lars Ribeiro posing in lingerie for Michael Bay’s latest Victoria’s Secret commercial which, as much as I hate to say this, is the man’s true calling. God clearly put this man on Earth for a purpose even though…

The Superficial | February 12, 2013 - 11:38 am

Here’s Why Megan Fox Failed At Twitter

Posted by Photo Boy
Megan Fox joined Twitter a week ago only to quickly delete her account and head straight to Facebook to decry the ills of social media. Makes perfect sense.
I thought that 2013 might be the year that I finally blossomed into a social networking butterfly… but as it turns out I…

Photo Boy | January 11, 2013 - 11:30 am

Hugo Weaving Hurt Michael Bay’s Feelings

“No, I vill not vash your Verrari. And stop lookzing zat my tits.”

Seen here going completely method for Captain America, Hugo Weaving gave an awesomely candid interview with Collider this week where he talks about not really being creatively invested in Transformers and was honestly just surprised at making a ridiculous amount…

The Superficial | October 18, 2012 - 2:30 pm

Hey, What’s Up, Michael Bay? Cool Hooker

Here’s Michael Bay leaving Chateau Marmont Saturday night with a woman he clearly didn’t want to be seen with, so right off the bat my first thought was “hooker.” But then I realized this is Michael Bay and “Hey, everybody, I’m buying sex!” is probably something he writes into the side of his Ferrari with…

The Superficial | June 25, 2012 - 2:15 pm

‘Childlike Wonderment’

“The first time I saw Michael on a bigger set, he was doing a video, and there was the hottest blonde girl I’ve ever seen in my life, and she’s got a wind machine on her. She’s dancing, she looks hot, she’s wearing a short skirt. He’s shooting her from a low angle. And he

The Superficial | February 17, 2012 - 11:45 am

Michael Bay is Sexing This and Other News

Posted by Photo Boy
- Lars Von Trier can’t stop talking about Nazis. [Huffington Post]
- Kate Hudson’s dad thinks she’s a spoiled brat just because she won’t visit her dying grandma. Parents can be so lame. [Dlisted]
- Bradley Cooper is banging Charlize Theron now. [Lainey Gossip]
- Abigail Clancy wore a see-through dress…

Photo Boy | September 7, 2011 - 12:45 pm

Michael Bay: ‘I’m, Like, a True American’
(*Actual Quote)

Yesterday, I posted a link to GQ’s oral history of Michael Bay which I honestly didn’t read and skipped right to the Rosie Huntington-Whitely part. Well, explode my cock with C4, was that a mistake. Last night I actually took the time to read this thing, and Jesus Christ, is it full of Bayisms like…

The Superficial | June 28, 2011 - 3:30 pm

The First Time Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Met Michael Bay

Where have I seen this pose before… just published “Blow-Up: An Oral History of Michael Bay, the Most Explosive Director of All Time” today which chronicles the work of the infamous pyromaniac disguised as a director. They’ve also made available outtakes including the first time Michael Bay met Rosie Huntington-Whiteley before being…

The Superficial | June 27, 2011 - 3:00 pm
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