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Michael Bay Doesn’t Think Kate Beckinsale Is That Hot, Is A Dick

Michael Bay doesn’t think Kate Beckinsale is that attractive. The Kate Beckinsale. More »


Michael Bay Should Only Do This, Nothing But This

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be a childhood-raping CGI abortion that already made enough money to greenlight a sequel because you people are the fucking devil except here’s Michael Bay proving he still serves a purpose in this world and that purpose is Victoria’s Secret commercials. Sure, any idiot can point a camera at hotMore »


Michael Bay Is The Antichrist: A Review of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Last week, I missed a significant chunk of Guardians of The Galaxy thanks to pure death violently escaping my body. And yet what I did get to see in a fevered, anxious fugue was still light years beyond Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in every possible way. If Guardians was a throwback to classic 80s adventures… More »



‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the official trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which looks exactly like what you’d expect from a Ninja Turtle movie made by Michael Bay and the director of Battle Los Angeles. That said, I didn’t see any testicles or giant turtle dicks, so I hope every single person involved gets AIDS in the mouth. More »


‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the full-length trailer for Transformers: Age of Extinction which surprisingly is not about Mark Wahlberg stopping 9/11 while riding a robot dinosaur (a euphemism for the awesomeness of non-masturbatory vaginal sex if there ever was one), so whoever wrote it can fuck themselves in the face until they get throat cancer and die. That’s… More »


Never Ask Michael Bay To Describe His Work Without A Teleprompter

*chisels ice off dick* Okay, I’m ready.

Because his movies are 1,000% visual and -13% plot, story and characters, Michael Bay was invited to CES 2014 to showcase the new Samsung Curved 105-inch television. And literally all he had to do was talk about his life’s work as a director which apparently is… More »



Michael Bay Was Attacked By A Zombie, Your Mind-P*ssy Just Got Exploded With Truth

“So things are getting hot, right? She’s laying on the Ferrari, all writhing and shit. I’m primed and ready to drop my C4. Except if you look at my fingers, you’ll notice the one I’m about to collide into is not in the shape of a hole, and that’s why my car was on fire… More »


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