Michael Bay


More Michael Bay stories

Michael Bay Doesn’t Think Kate Beckinsale Is That Hot, Is A Dick

Michael Bay doesn’t think Kate Beckinsale is that attractive. The Kate Beckinsale. More »

Michael Bay Should Only Do This, Nothing But This

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be a childhood-raping CGI abortion that already made enough money to greenlight a sequel because you people are the fucking devil except here’s Michael Bay proving he still serves a purpose in this world and that purpose is Victoria’s Secret commercials. Sure, any idiot can point a camera at hotMore »

Michael Bay Is The Antichrist: A Review of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Last week, I missed a significant chunk of Guardians of The Galaxy thanks to pure death violently escaping my body. And yet what I did get to see in a fevered, anxious fugue was still light years beyond Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in every possible way. If Guardians was a throwback to classic 80s adventures… More »

‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the official trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which looks exactly like what you’d expect from a Ninja Turtle movie made by Michael Bay and the director of Battle Los Angeles. That said, I didn’t see any testicles or giant turtle dicks, so I hope every single person involved gets AIDS in the mouth. More »

‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’ Has A Trailer

Here’s the full-length trailer for Transformers: Age of Extinction which surprisingly is not about Mark Wahlberg stopping 9/11 while riding a robot dinosaur (a euphemism for the awesomeness of non-masturbatory vaginal sex if there ever was one), so whoever wrote it can fuck themselves in the face until they get throat cancer and die. That’s… More »

Never Ask Michael Bay To Describe His Work Without A Teleprompter

*chisels ice off dick* Okay, I’m ready.

Because his movies are 1,000% visual and -13% plot, story and characters, Michael Bay was invited to CES 2014 to showcase the new Samsung Curved 105-inch television. And literally all he had to do was talk about his life’s work as a director which apparently is… More »

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