Posts tagged "Marriage"

Alice Eve Got Married, I Hate This Year Already

Because The Lord did look down upon 2015 and declared to the heavenly host, "I shall fucketh this shit all up," Alice Eve got married on New Year's Eve, and it wasn't to one of us. I would've remembered something like that. Her? Probably not so much. Women call me "The Ghost" in …
By: The Superficial / January 2, 2015

We Live In A World Where George Clooney Is Married

"Alzheimer's. Had it for months now. So who's the poor shmuck getting married?" If someone walked up to me and said, "Hey, did you hear George Clooney got married?" I'd punch that person square in the mouth for telling a lie so ridiculous I'd have legal grounds to sue for custody of his …
By: The Superficial / September 29, 2014

Marky Mark Skipped Donnie Wahlberg & Jenny McCarthy’s Wedding

Probably coz Jenny McCarthy’s gawddamn tits make you wanna mastahbate, and when you mastahabate you ain't gawt enough strength to stawp 9/11, frickin' Mahky Mahk didn’t even go to his brotha Donnie’s weddin’ in frickin’ Chicago. But he did send him this wickid pissah video on …
By: The Superficial / September 2, 2014

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Are Married

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been together for nine years, the bulk of which they've spent as parents to six children. But what they don't have a is a legal document that makes it a gigantic pain in the ass to break up, so their love has basically been meaningless …
By: The Superficial / August 28, 2014

Jessica Simpson Got Married

Because I work in celebrity gossip, I'm obligated to inform you that Jessica Simpson married Eric Johnson this weekend who apparently couldn't content himself with buckets of child support from two kids, and had to go for the alimony, too. Somewhere, Kevin Federline just saluted by holding …
By: The Superficial / July 6, 2014

Everything You Could Die Happy Never Knowing About Kim & Kanye’s Wedding

For those of you who spent Memorial Day weekend in a joyfully ignorant bliss-bubble of friends, family and alcohol, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married on Saturday. So to get this over with as quickly as possible, here are all the highlights I painstakingly cobbled together because I know how …
By: The Superficial / May 27, 2014

GERMYLYNN GOT MERRED!

Not unlike the Nickelodeon exec who (allegedly) knocked her up, I forget Jamie Lynn Spears is a person who exists in real life. But apparently 31-year-old "businessman" Jamie Watson did not because he married her over the weekend. Us Weekly reports: Spears, 22, and Watson, 31, arrived with their families at …
By: The Superficial / March 17, 2014

Stacy Keibler Married Her George Clooney Rebound

When Elisabetta Canalis got dumped by George Clooney, she responded by banging Steve-O which basically told Clooney he made an incredible choice by ditching a woman who'll do terrible, terrible things for money. So let's see if Stacy Keibler can do any better which if you already …
By: The Superficial / March 10, 2014

Chris Pratt is Star-Lord in ‘Guardians of The Galaxy’

Chris Pratt gets to have sex with Anna Faris and now on top of that, he's scored the lead in Marvel's next superhero franchise Guardians of the Galaxy because he's the son of The Devil. That's the only explanation. The Devil ejaculated into a human woman, nine months later Chris Pratt popped …
By: The Superficial / February 6, 2013

Katy Perry’s Breasts Domesticated John Mayer

"Ha! Play pinochle with you again? This old rascal." In a new interview with Rolling Stone that I inexplicably read in its entirety, a more mellow, less douchey (for him anyway) John Mayer opens up about the past two years of his life not touring because of a granuloma in his throat …
By: The Superficial / February 1, 2013

Homeless Man Made $40 To Appear In Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel Wedding Video

Thanks to Justin Timberlake having shit taste in friends, everyone's talking about his wedding to Jessica Biel but only in the context of why the fuck his douchebag buddy Justin Huchel (Huchel. H-U-C-H-E-L) would make homeless people wish them good luck at their $6.5 million ceremony in southern Italy. And, of …
By: The Superficial / October 25, 2012

Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel’s $6.5 Million Wedding Made Fun Of The Homeless

During Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's $6.5 million wedding in Italy last weekend, Justin's good pal, real estate agent Justin Huchel thought it'd be hilarious to record a bunch of homeless people in LA congratulating the happy couple and saying they couldn't make it because, haha, they're totally poor! WACKA WACKA! Via …
By: The Superficial / October 25, 2012

Rihanna’s Dad Wants Her To Marry Chris Brown

Part All of the reason why Rihanna is back with Chris Brown is her father was an abusive alcoholic while she was growing up, so that's really all she's ever known. Which makes it even sadder that now her dad wants her to marry the dude who beat his daughter's face to the …
By: The Superficial / October 19, 2012

Blake Lively Seems Terrible To Marry Is How I’m Going To Read This So I Don’t Kill Myself

If you hadn't read by now, Martha Stewart helped plan Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' wedding, except it turns out Blake Lively also had eight million details for this thing which makes her seem like a real pain in the ass to marry with awesome breasts that wouldn't make up for all …
By: The Superficial / October 16, 2012

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds Got Married

Ryan Reynolds has barely been divorced from Scarlett Johansson for a year, but Blake Lively has awesome breasts, so you can see the pickle he was in here. People reports: A source confirms to PEOPLE that the couple tied the knot Sunday night at Boone Hall Plantation in Mt. Pleasant, …
By: The Superficial / September 10, 2012

Natalie Portman Married That French Dude

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you, Monsieur and Madame Snooty Von Thousand Feet." So Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied are married for real now even though we now know in this post-Kristen Stewart's a tramp world that Darren Aronofsky is the real father of Natalie's baby.
By: The Superficial / August 6, 2012

‘Teen Mom’ Leah Got Married Again

Posted by Photo Boy At just 19 years of age, the sound-decision-making machine known as Leah Messer has once again tied the knot. Only this time it won't end in six months like her last marriage did because banged another dude days before the wedding because, can you guess? They're soulmates! via …
By: Photo Boy / April 10, 2012

Sinead O’Connor Got Married

Proving that being immediately open and receptive to The Difficult Brown will land you a husband (Ladies?), Sinead O'Connor was married last night to some dude named Barry Herridge, who we know next to nothing about save his wanton lust for butt sex and its ability to override any and all rational …
By: The Superficial / December 9, 2011

Tara Reid’s Marriage Was Fake

Apparently it's "Holy Shit, I Need Money But Working is So Hard" Day (See: here and here.) because Tara Reid has admitted to TMZ that her marriage to Zack Kehayov was fake. And why would she do such a thing? Her flight had …
By: The Superficial / October 25, 2011

Kim Kardashian Is Pretending To Get A Divorce Already

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries got married practically yesterday, but already numerous tabloids are reporting/reprinting press releases from Kris Jenner that it's not working out because of Kim's schedule. And just last night Kris was spotted not wearing his wedding ring which might mean something if …
By: The Superficial / October 21, 2011
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